April Fooled

Wow, I skipped the whole April fool's thing. Another blogger wrote she was going to quit blogging and dedicate the time to cleaning her house..LOL. It is a rough day for us. Brian lost his dad on April 1st. It is hard not to think of what that day means in that respect, rather than playing tricks on people. I remember when it used to be just a fun day. That is what sucks about grief. You can say you will move on, that you will not let it drag you down. But it changes how we think & feel about everything. An ordinary day isn't ordinary anymore. We can still have fun, we can laugh and enjoy some things, but we can't play tricks on April 1st when the ultimate trick fate played was to take Brian's Dad that day. That's just the way it is.

Chick-munks

That is what both Tristan & Alexa say when they talk about the Chipmunks, Alvin, Simon, & Theodore. We got the DVD and they have seen the movie at the theater. Kierra use to say it that way too. I have several CDs of chipmunk music from a very long time ago, so my kids grew up on it. It is funny how some things are recycled. It is bittersweet to hear them say something the way she said it, or do something the way she did it. It isn't just the way all kids do things. There are distinctive things each child does in their own way. Those are the things that suprise us, that catch us off gaurd. That bring a smile to our lips, just as a tear runs down our face.

Decisions, Decisions!

I am so torn by the decision to move my horses. It doesn't seem like it would be a hard one to make does it? I looked at a place today that was okay, but no where near what they have up in Georgia. But better than alot of places I have seen down here. The few nicer places I have seen down here are way out of my price range. This place has a new owner just starting out, it is an older farm, needs some work, but they seem nice enough. They have nice, grassy paddocks and pastures, alot of room. I think some of the horses could be in better shape, but I am pretty critical about that. I just don't know! It would save us money to move them, at least it would after I get Tortuga trained and moved down the end of June. That's another big decision. Do I have her trained, or do I sell her? My emotional side says have her trained. My very small practical side says to sell her. I just don't know! I am going up to the ranch to see them this weekend with Brianne & Alexa.
The ranch has been such an escape for me. I have been able to just leave everything here and go recharge. I have become connected to the people there, to the world I am able to live in when I am there. That may not make sense to you. It is hard to explain. I love my family, my friends. I just don't love the hole my grief creates in my life. I try to keep it at bay so I can deal with my everyday life and try to be what everyone needs me to be. It builds up until I need to get away and release it, I need to just be somewhere else to recharge and prepare to do it all over again for a few weeks. With the horses closer I can see them more, make them a part of my everyday world. Maybe that will help me recharge more often and release stress easier. It will be better for the horses to be worked with more too. So there are alot of elements to consider. I know it is a positive thing to move them, it is just being sure I am moving them to a good place, and I am making the right choice. It is almost like choosing a babysitter, I don't want a serial killer taking care of them!
So enjoy your weekend and I will enjoy mine. I have alot of thinking to do!

Greta & her Umbrella!

I couldn't photo shop a picture of Greta with an umbrella, and I couldn't get my drawing to scan. So I will let this pic fill in for her. Although Greta's umbrella was bigger, and she was maybe squatting more than sitting.. I think... of course I didn't see her, or get to see what she saw.... you'll just have to ask her about it to get the details! It was on our way to Savannah last weekend. She & I took a quick overnight trip , just the two of us. It was a long trip up, alot of traffic. We ate at Paula Dean's Restaurant Sat. night and then put on our jammies and watched movies in our room. We slept in on Sunday then checked out Tybee Lighthouse and the pier. It was a great break. By the way, Greta can now say, " Mirror, mirror on the wall, I've become my mother after all!"

In Awe of Faith..

http://conorbootheandgirls.blogspot.com/2008/03/zechariah-912.html

I cannot figure out how to post the video of this myself, so go to this link and be amazed. I have said before that my faith in God is in question. I can still be in awe of the faith of others and this family has humbled me for quite some time now.

I've become a Beggar!

Hunter's school is having a Spring BBQ & Auction in April. I have been soliciting businesses for donations of services, merchandise, or gift certificates. I have about 25 I have been working with. I don't want to hound them, but I want to get it done and know what we will have for the auction. There are 800 students at the school, but they have the hardest time getting anyone to volunteer or help with any of the events they do. It drives me crazy. I don't have much free time, but I feel like it is part of parenting to be involved and help better the school that my children attend. You would think local businesses would want to be part of the community as well and have their name put out there as contributing to the welfare of our kids. It can be frustrating to get so little response from both sides. But I will keep trying, like a dog with a bone, I won't give up or give in. So a begging I will go.. Hi Ho Hi Ho!

Clothing Optional?

Lately Tristan has preferred to run around the house in just his underwear. When we come home from going somehwere he strips within minutes of coming through the door. I will tell him to get dressed in the morning and he wants to know where we are going. If I tell him we aren't going anywhere, then he says he doesn't want to get dressed. I guess I could make him put on clothes, but seriously, why? Is it a battle I really need to fight? He has his blanket if he gets cold, and he knows he has to get dressed if he wants to go play outside. Alexa is usually the opposite. She gets up and wants her clean underwear and clothes as soon as she has her milk and is fully awake. In the grand scheme of things it isn't a big deal to me. So I suppose you could consider our house clothing optional.. if you are 4 years old anyway! Otherwise.. please dress accordingly!

End of a long day!

End of a long day! 3.23.08
Originally uploaded by mommanana

The end of two long days actually. Yesterday we went to the Fraternal Order of Police Easter party. Sounds like a big deal doesn't it? Well, it really isn't. They have burgers & hot dogs, chips, soda & popcorn for everyone. That would be great if the burgers were at least warm. They have one bouncy castle and one mini basketball hoop game to occupy a couple hundred kids. They got an odd looking bunny bag, sort of a Christmas stocking made to look like a bunny. They got a bag of candy with it, so when they did the egg hunt, the eggs were empty. The goal was to find the one egg with a prize ticket inside. The kids didn't think the empty eggs were so great and were disappointed that the lines for the bouncy castle were too long, so we left and went to the movies to see "Horton Hears a Who". They really enjoyed that. Then we came home and dyed Easter Eggs. By the time that was done I was beat! Brianne spent the day with us too along with a little girl she watches who is 2 years old. I don't think I have ever spent an Easter away from my children. I can't count all the dyed eggs I've helped them with over all these years. Those poor chickens! Dyed eggs today, deviled eggs tomorrow!
We had some friends & Family over for Easter Dinner. We did an egg hunt (with candy in the eggs) after we ate. It was nice to be surrounded by love & laughter today. Now the kids are watching the movie "Enchanted" with Brenda. Things are winding down. It's the end of a long day, I think I will snuggle up in a blanket too!

Easter 3.23.08

Easter 3.23.08
Originally uploaded by mommanana

There are lots of new pix in the photo gallery, so click on this pic and go take a look, I will blog later when things slow down!

Freaked Out by a Field Mouse

I can see the headline now.. "A local woman lost her mind today after being freaked out by a field mouse in her garage!" It was small compared to our guinea pig, which does not freak me out at all. And I have had hamsters and not been freaked out either. So what is it about this little mouse that I have heebie-jeebies just thinking about going back out to the garage? You know where there is one, there are bound to be others.. have you seen the movie Ratattouille? I had planned to clear it out over the next week. I have new storage sheds in the back yard to help make room. Now it is imperative it be done asap, and I am on my way to the store to buy glue traps. I may not want them in my garage, but I do not want them killed either.
It reminded me of a time, almost 25 years ago, when Brian, Kierra & I were moving into a new house. It had been empty awhile. I was cleaning and painting before we moved in. I had cooked a weight watchers ziti dinner and had set it on the stove top to cool off. I had it near the front edge of the stove. I was in the next room when I heard a strange sound from the kitchen. I walked in just in time to see my ziti on the floor and a small field mouse perched on my stove with sauce on his front paws. He scampered away leaving little sauce prints on my stove. I was freaked out then too and pretty upset that my lunch was ruined. We had to use the old fashion traps and caught more than one.
I am not looking forward to the evacuation of our garage tenant and whatever buddies he has with him. The only evidence he was there was just in the one box I found him in. I haven't seen anything else. I guess I can thank the preserve right next to our house for this new adventure. A neighbor had mentioned snakes coming & going, which I have not seen much of, but no one has warned me about mice! Maybe I can find a snake and let it come in and clear my mouse problem.. strange to think I am less worried about a snake than a mouse! Ugh!

Hugs..

Nancy & her guy, Mike, floated on feathers yesterday. I won't go into detail, just click on her link to the right side of my blog page "Nancy's" and read all about it. Wether it was Angel's wings, or Faerie wings.. they were carried through it. My sympathies go out to those who were not so fortunate in this terrible series of accidents. Have you hugged someone today?

Luck O' the Irish/ Happy St. Patty's Day

Do you think, in the days of old,
they chased after the "pot of gold"?
Did they believe, as some still do
Leprechauns dance unseen by you?
___________________________
Luck o' the Irish, send some my way
my luck isn't better than any other day!
I'll kiss a stone, I'll dance a jig
I'll even roast the fatted pig!
___________________________________
With corn beef & cabbage we'll have to make do
til some other day our wishes come true.
A hungry man's treasure some say that may be,
but it doesn't match chasing rainbows for me!
_____________________________
Chase me a rainbow to the other end,
eye the pot those "little people" tend.
A true Darby O'Gill I'll finally be,
and at last the Leprechaun I'll see!
___________
mjs 3-17-08

Buying in Bulk..

Okay, so did you notice it's 4:30 in the morning?? I slept on the couch a few hours, then cleaned the kitchen and am trying to get motivated enough to finish putting away groceries. Why do I have groceries to put away at this ungodly hour? Because Brian & I spent a couple hours together yesterday at Sam's Club. (That is as close as we get to a "date"!) Granted we won't have to go again for a couple months, but putting all this stuff away is daunting! I got all the frozen & refrigerated stuff put up right away. And then I ran out of steam! I have a busy day today, so it is a now, or not til tomorrow, kind of thing. I think I will grab a cup of coffee and let the caffiene decide!

Almost..

I laughed today, traitor that I am, shunning the parasitic ghost that is my grief. It has hung around me alot lately, never far, reminding me it's there. A bubble of joy will escape me, and I look quickly to see who noticed, while that elf called guilt skips around me so I won't forget. The dragonflies and fairies chase him away, sprinkling hope and light in their midst. They help clear a path through the darkness that tries to encompass me. I am not meant to hover in this moment. I feel little wings fluttering me forward, into the light. The breeze they create whispers in my ear, brushes a kiss accross my cheek. I can almost see the sun..

Loving & Liking are not the same!

Do you ever have days when you don't "like" the ones you love? If you are saying "no, not me, I like and love everyone all the time"... Liar, Liar, pants on fire!
Hunter was up at the butt crack of dawn this morning after spending an awesome day at Seaworld yesterday with Terri, Savannah, & Jess. He was supposed to go with me to Disney tomorrow to see a family friend from Nebraska who is performing there. He will not be going. He must have been bored this morning so he got into my tool drawer in the kitchen. I had just gotten a new cutter that folds up like a pocket knife. It has a safety latch and a case to put it in. He managed to figure it all out and proceeded to slice up the back of our couch! There is a nice gaping square in the middle of the back and several slices. After the fear receded that he could have cut himself, the outright anger that he had damaged something so blatantly filled in fast. We talked about how dangerous that knife was and we talked about why he would do that. Of course his answer was "I don't know." Then it was because he thought there were some toys inside the couch, and he wanted to get them out. Good enough reason for a 7 year old, but not good enough for me not to be mad about it! So he is not going to Disney. He will be lucky to come out of his room before he's 30! I am off to find my invisible thread and am hoping a loop stitch will help repair the damage. Our couch sits away from the wall, with the back in full view.. I can't think of many other ways to arrange it with the open set up we have. I Love him, I Love him, I Love him.... but right now I don't like him at all!!

Numbers

This is post #622! And there are 431 photos in my photo gallery! How crazy is that?!

The Same?

Is today just like any other day?
Is today just like yesterday?
So much the same, not much has changed.
So much the same, just rearranged.
__________________________
Yet nothing’s the same, or is it?
Is this my life, or just a visit..
to another world that seems like mine
But in this one things are far from “fine”
_____________________________
The truth lies beneath what can be seen
In another place most have never been.
It isn't a world of our own making,
It isn’t a trip I'd recommend taking.
_______________________________
We do what we can with what we are dealt,
Trying not to show what is so often felt.
Each of us puts on our happy faces,
Making the motions and going places.
_____________________________
Is today just like any other day?
Is today just like yesterday?
Nothing is the same, just rearranged,
Nothing is the same, everything's changed.
_____________________________
MJS started 1.27.07 finished 3.14.08

I Wonder..

What would you be doing today?
What things would you have to say?
Where would you have taken your life?
Would you today, be someone's wife?
______________________________________
Time keeps running, like these questions in my mind.
Yet your smiling face, for me, is still frozen in time.
There are no answers given to me,
about what you'd do, or who you'd be.
_________________________________
Just the silence where your voice used to be
telling your hopes and dreams to me..
__________
mjs 3.8.08

Poop, Pee, or Parmesan Cheese..

Which smells worse when hidden in a room for even a short amount of time? Or what would the impact be if they were combined? That was the smell I came home to yesterday after I volunteered at Hunter's school. It was in Alexa's room and it was foul! Of course, the bodily waste was Tristan's. I am not sure if the parmesan cheese was added to cover it up, or just for fun. I made them clean it up. Then got the rest with the vaccum cleaner. My vote goes for the parmesan. It gets stronger as it sits and the smell lingers longer even after it's cleaned up! I am not sure I will be able to put it on my pasta for quite a long time! Scarier than the smell.. Chad didn't smell it!

She's a Charmer!

I spent most of Monday traipsing around St. Augustine getting donations for an upcoming auction at Hunter's school. I had Alexa with me since we went after her speech therapy. She was quite the charmer. She said hello to everyone and when we went into a store or restaurant she would tell them.. "I like you store/place" I don't know where she picked that up from, but she was quite the schmoozer. I do believe it helped get us alot of the donations!

Let me count the ways..

http://www.jacksonville.com/tu-online/stories/030908/woo_255201236.shtml

This is the link to a story that ran in Sunday's newspaper. A really good article about the man I love, and one of the reasons I love him so much. Kudos to him, and a nod to the reporter who did the interview and "got it".

Lenny 3 9 08

Lenny 3 9 08
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Another New Addition.. you see, horses are like potato chips.. you can't have just one! Or two! I will post better pix soon, I just caught him on his way out to the pasture. There is a good one of Bri and Hunter on Lenny in the photo gallery.. page 4 I think.

Horses lend us the wings we lack to fly.. John Trotwood Moore

Signs..

Not everyone believes in signs.. and some people believe every rush of wind is one. I am somewhere in the middle. I can tell you not everything is a coincidence. Even before Kierra's death I had occasion to believe people I loved who had died found ways to let me know they were with me.
Anywho.. I won't list Chad's car tag here.. and I did not notice it when it came in the mail. Chad put it on his car right away, and then Monday morning I was pulling out to take Hunter to school and glanced over.. The numbers are Kierra's birth month & year.. the letters are KLE.. her middle name is Lee. No matter how you think.. that is just wild! I consider it a cool thing for Chad to have with him when he drives. Coincidence or not.

You Stand by Rascal Flatts

(This song played no less than 10 times on different radio stations throughout my day yesterday. It became my mantra!)

You feel like a candle in a hurricane

Just like a picture with a broken frame

Alone and helpless, like you've lost your fight

But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

'Cause when push comes to shove

You taste what you're made of

You might bend 'til you break

'Cause it's all you can take

On your knees you look up

Decide you've had enough

You get mad, you get strong

Wipe you hands, shake it off

Then you stand, then you stand

Life's like a novel with the end ripped out

The edge of a canyon with only one way down

Take what your given before it's gone

And start holdin' on, keep holdin' on

'Cause when push comes to shove

You taste what you're made of

You might bend 'til you break

'Cause it's all you can take

On your knees you look up

Decide you've had enough

You get mad, you get strong

Wipe you hands, shake it off

Then you stand, then you stand

Every time you get up and get back in the race

One more small piece of you starts to fall into place - yeah

'Cause when push comes to shove

You taste what you're made of

You might bend 'til you break

'Cause it's all you can take

On your knees you look up

Decide you've had enough

You get mad, you get strong

Wipe you hands, shake it off

Then you stand, then you stand

Yeah then you stand - yeah

Yeah, babyWoo hoo, Woo hoo, Woo hoo

Then you stand - yeah, yeah

Over & Over again..

Cause it’s all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it yeah I can’t shake it No
Over and over again...

What's News...

There was an article in the paper yesterday that really stirred up alot of emotion for me. I know Kierra's death is great media fodder. I know it will be talked about whenever road rage comes up. I get so upset because they quote people's opinions instead of facts, so once again they gave wrong information, which pretty much blamed Kie for her own death, etc. Then they showed a pic of Brian and I with "our van that we made into a memorial for our daughter." They showed a pic of the back corner of the window on the van which shows a fairie with Kierra's name and dates. They did not show or mention the "citizensagainstroadrage.com" that is on both sides of the van, or the "Road Rage Kills" that is accross the back. They used the most ineffective shot they had from their files.
Now I wish I could put into action all the things people tell me to do. "Just ignore it. Don't let it get to you. Shake it off. Remember she wouldn't want you to be upset." Seriously? I can't just switch my emotions off. If I never read a paper, watch the news, or listen to people who call to tell me about it.. then I can ignore it, shake it off.. not let it get to me. But once it is in my brain I can't just erase it. Brian talked to a reporter for the paper yesterday, so I guess we will see what kind of spin he puts on things. That is one of the most aggravating things. No matter what you say, they put their own spin to it. They leave out parts of what you say and fill in their own opinion for the rest. I hate that!
I am off to the ranch this weekend.. by myself.. to regroup, recharge, relax.. ttyl.

My little trooper..

although he isn't so little any more. I am amazed at how Hunter handles life sometimes. I try to explain things to him in detail, in a way he can understand. If he asks me a question, I do my best to answer it, not just blow him off. Whenever we do things I explain to him how things work, and what to do if something doesn't go the way we expect. Once on horseback our saddle slid sideways going up a hill. He was on a ride-along saddle behind me, attached to mine. Most adults would have panicked. But I had told him if something like that happened to just hold on and stay calm. He did great. When someone asked him why he didn't panic, he told them "because my Mom told me what to do."
When I felt sick on Monday, Hunter & I were at the grocery store after I picked him up from school. I managed to get the groceries in and got into the car. I knew I was going to pass out so I told Hunter what happens when someone passes out and what to expect. I told him if he got scared to call his Dad. I was only out a mimnute or less. He was a trooper. He got me a towel out of the back seat and told me to throw up in a pan that was in the car if I needed to throw up again. We waited until I was absolutely sure I could handle driving the half mile to our house, then we went home. I asked him what he thought and if he was scared, He said no, but if I hadn't woken up after a few minutes he would have called his Dad. He also told me I couldn't drive anymore if I was that sick! Of course when I left to pick him up from school I didn't feel that sick, just yucky from an upset stomach. I am glad it wasn't worse and Hunter was my little trooper!

Cali 3.5.08

Cali 3.5.08
Originally uploaded by mommanana

This is Calypso yesterday in the van. She is almost 10 months old (on the 15th) and weighs 70lbs! She wedged herself between the two seats and her rearend is up against the back of the center console to the front seat. She is becoming quite the big girl!

Rosie's House

Rosie's House
Originally uploaded by mommanana

This is the deluxe apartment for our new Guinea Pig, Rosie. Hunter named her. (I think it had something to do with when she peed in the box while we were checking out, he didn't think she smelled like a rose!) She is just a baby, and a bit skittish, so she hides in her house alot. Right now she is getting some water, but the minute I pick up the camera she runs. She is black and orange, and quite a cutie. I will post pix when she is better acclimated. What's one more animal at the zoo?!

I saw stars..

I was so sick on Monday I passed out... and woke up to me throwing up.. not good! I was feeling a little better by Tuesday, and am fine now. There is more to the story, but not in the mood to tell it right now. I think not feeling good contributed to my funky mood this week. At least that is what I am going to blame it on for now!

Sat. Night, not Sunday yet for me..

I am glad Tristan has an overabundance of underwear. I have been correcting myself for calling them panties, because I have been scolded and reminded that boys wear underwear.. girls wear panties! Today was day 2 of Tristan in underwear all day. He had a few accidents, but overall has been doing okay with it. I got spoiled with Alexa making the transition so smoothly when she finally made the switch to panties full time. But I will take what I get and be glad I got it! He is on his way and I am thrilled. Alexa has to remind me what a big girl she is and that she keeps her panties dry all day when ever I am praising Tristan for his efforts. I feel like a tennis ball at Wimbledon bouncing between the two of them!

Thrive: to grow vigorously:flourish

It has been such a crazy week. I have been running around with appointments and errands every day! I seem to be doing alot, yet nothing gets done. I fall asleep on the couch most nights and never make it to my PC or get to the calls I want to make before it gets too late at night. I know people think I am the Queen of Chaos, but I am willing to give up my title!
I fell asleep on the couch about 10 pm last night. I woke up when Brian got home sometime around 11 pm. We went to bed about 1 am. Hunter woke up with a bad dream at 1:35 just as we were settling down to sleep. It took Brian & I both tucking him back in at different times to get him settled again. Alexa climbed into our bed about 3 am. At 3:50 am she woke me up as she started throwing up. I sacrificed a nearby shirt to save my bed and floor. I got her to the bathroom for the rest of it, got her all cleaned up and changed and back into bed just after 4 am. at 4:15 she did it all again, including another clean pair of pajamas. So we went out to the couch to sleep at about 4:30 am. Tristan woke me at 5:30 am and refused to let me sleep. He didn't really want anything, just didn't want to be awake by himself. When I tried to get Hunter up he complained he was too tired for school, but didn't want to miss the Dr. Seuss Celebration that Brian is taking him to at school tonight. No school, no Dr. Seuss. He got there late, but he got there.
I am trying to make Chili, Ghoulash, and bread for a teacher Luncheon at school tomorrow. Great start.. I burned the beans! I had plenty of water to begin with, but it burned up before I realized there was a problem. So I am off to the store and get to start over. Before I started cooking I had to figure out how to get a backsplash panel from behind my stove. I had temporarily stuck it to the wall to see if I liked it. It fell behind the stove! Luckily I could remove the drawer of my range and reached it that way. (There is a pic of it in the photo gallery, click on any pic on my blog and it will take you there.) Just another day for us, but boy am I tired! And my day isn't even halfway over. It has been said that I thrive on Chaos... I don't see how when today I feel like I am barely surviving!

Hunter's Shadow

Feb. 2008 Hunter's Shadow
Originally uploaded by mommanana

One of the class Mom's did these for all the kid's for a display they did for President's Day. I am going to have to frame it. I am amazed how much it really looks like him! I have one from when I was a young child. I wonder if it looks like me? I wonder what he will look like when he is all grown up? I wonder what he will be, what he will do? I wonder...

Seriously?

Terry, Dori, Brenda & I went up to the ranch this past weekend for a 4 day get away. It was a pretty good weekend. I hope everyone found some points of interest they enjoyed other than when alcohol was involved! Some words and phrases have been known to trigger uninhibited laughter;

Moots & Schwim Flugles

Deposit Boxes

Wicked Funny

Seriously?

Seriously

TRIS TAN

I have been a bit obsessed with getting Tristan potty trained. We have big discussions about being a big boy, using the toilet like everyone else, etc. The other day was no exception and I was even more zealous in my attempts because Tristan had once again pooped in his pull-up. I had him get the wipes and a clean pull-up and proceeded to tell him again how, when, & where he should poop. He turned to me just as calm and clear as could be.... "Mom, you worry way too much about my poop!"
I have used the phrase to all of them "You worry way too much about ___ (each other, etc.)" It was quite the twist to have it thrown back at me about his bodily functions! In the midst of this exchange Alexa piped in with "Nasty Baby Boy" because Tristan had pooped in his pants. I have told him it is nasty to do that and I have told him babies do that. Alexa decided to make a combo out of it all and tossed it in for good measure! He got so mad. He told her "I am not Nasty Baby Boy.. I am TRIS TAN!" And now you can't call him sweetie, big boy, sugar, or anything other than his name. If you do, you get the same response.. I am TRIS TAN.. all drawn out and loud.
We do tend to take a stand around here and stick to our guns on things.. I guess it is just his turn!

Valentine's Day..

as one of Brianne's friends call it.. Single's Awareness Day! I wish so much pressure/emphasis wasn't put into this one day. The stores are crazy and the restaurants are overbooked. It is such a huge Taboo for a person not to acknowledge this day with their significant other. People's feelings get really hurt when they are overlooked. But why just today? Is it okay to be overlooked the rest of the year? Or do we hold out hope that this one day will be important enough for us to be shown how much we are loved. Sure.. material things don't matter.. it's the thought that counts.. yeah right. I am fortunate that Brian thought of me, he even got cards for the kids to give me. He took today off. (That is HUGE!) We ran errands and had an okay, quick lunch at a local eatery. We tried to get into Olive Garden for lunch.. it was a madhouse. We remembered a Valentine's Day when we went out to dinner with friends. We spent 4 hours at Red Lobster and the meal was awful! We don't have that kind of time to waste anymore. So we are home with the kids. No big bucks spent, no pressure to do something spectacular, we've done all that before. We enjoyed spending time together today even if it was just another day in our busy lives. Doing the things we needed to get done. After 25 years I guess it is about time we are comfortable enough with each other that the cards mean alot, but the gift of time means more. I hope you all had a good one in whatever way you celebrated it, if you were able to celebrate it at all.

Men are From Mars...

their own special planet... with their own special language... I've never been there... and I don't speak their language!

And that is all I am going to say about that!

Let them eat cake!

Let them eat cake!
Originally uploaded by mommanana

We took them to Dave & Buster's after pictures on their actual birthday, then last Saturday we had their party at Ollie Koala's. Click on the pic to view more photos in the gallery. They had a blast. The only casualty was Alexa's crown hair clips. They disappeared in the giant play house area. No telling where they ended up or who took them home. She told me I would have to get her more.

There's always more isn't there??

The parts that make a whole..

I have mentioned before how diverse and extended our family is. It has always been that way. No matter how you slice it, there are different parts that make a whole. If you remove a part, the whole is not the same. We are who we are because of who conceived us, even if they didn't raise us. I am proof of that. Kierra was too. And as history repeats itself, so will the twins be whoever they are meant to be. That isn't a negative thing. There have been many times throughout Kierra's life I tried to dismiss who her biological father was. I had very good reasons for that. My mother's reasons for keeping me from my biological father weren't so good. I have had issues with the twin's father in the past. But he is an integral part of who they are. He is as much a part of them as Kierra was. They lived the first half of their lives not knowing him. Now they spend their lives not remembering Kierra. I have to make choices for them based on what I believe to be best for them. I have to seperate my feelings at times from what I feel is good for them. We all have the ability to grow and change. I do not know what tomorrow will bring. I have learned the hard way that life can change in the flash of a second, beyond our control. I watched Alex & his Dad with the kids this weekend. I thought of the picture we must have made all together with them at the zoo on Sunday. And I realized it was a picture of a family trying to make a whole with an important part missing. A picture of a family, diverse and different. All of us trying to find our place in the picture. Knowing it takes many parts to make a whole...

Feb 9 2008

Feb 9 2008
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Isn't this the coolest pic?! That is Alex's leg they are hanging on. He & his Dad came down for the twin's birthday party. They are such happy kids!

Feb 4 2008 All Three

Feb 4 2008 All Three
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Okay, the scanner is up & working. (Thank You Hubby!) I have posted the better pix, so enjoy!

Pictures of Pictures

Feb 4 2008 all
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Click on this photo and see the most recent pix we had done on the twin's birthday, Monday. These are pix of pix because my scanner isn't cooperating. I will post better pix later that you can save and print.
Just couldn't wait to share them!

Hate Being the Bad Guy!

All three kids had Dr. appts today for their yearly check-ups. The Pediatrician they have always had recently moved offices and is just a few miles up the road from us now. I did not realize Tristan & Alexa would be due for shots. Four of them! So needless to say, we tried to seperate them and reduce the amount of drama, but they have very keen ears. Tristan went first and was mad, and cried a little. Alexa saw the needles and the screaming began before the first one! She is our little Drama Diva. She cried longer and harder, and she wanted her Papa RIGHT NOW. We called him when we were all done and she immediately got all pouty and told him all about it. Tristan told him "I got shots and I got a lollipop." No drama, no pouty whine. It has been a couple hours now and she is still throwing me dirty looks. Oh well, I am used to it!

Chaser 8.10.95-2.5.08

Chaser June 2007
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Chaser had heart failure or some type of stroke today. Brianne called me from the Vet. Doing the right thing is so often the hardest thing to do. He will be greatly missed.
We got Chaser when I worked for a Veterinarian when we first moved to Jacksonville. He started out as a bet that you couldn't raise a good dog from bad breeding. I obviously won the bet, because although Chaser's parent's were mean, unsociable chows, he was a sweetheart. He was great with the kids too. He moved out with Brianne just before she got married. Today was a very hard day for her & Justin. For us too. Many people don't consider their pets part of the family. Ours are. I told Hunter.. Chaser is running around with Sasha & Ami and still trying to catch Cadbury!

Feb 3 2008 Alexa

Feb 3 2008 Alexa
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Just a quick preview of her outfit for their birthday pictures tomorrow. We were trying to decide on white tights or blue.. I am still undecided. I think the blue looks better.. but they are just a shade off which drives me crazy!

Tristan

Tristan
Originally uploaded by mommanana

This is Tristan straightening his gear for the umpteenth time. It has come in quite handy with his scooter.. he falls alot! He tries to go too fast and takes the turns way too sharp. I have flashbacks of driving with his Mother!

Anise in the sandbox!

Anise in the sandbox!
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Okay, we did the whole sandbox thing for Hunter's birthday and thought the kids would enjoy it so we left it set up. Anise is our "special" dog. She had spinal menengitis when she was about 6 months old, so she will always be the size and mental state of a 6 month old dog. Which means she will always chew and get into things! She is 6 years old now.
The top got left off the sandbox so she took full advantage of digging around and sampling any plastic toys they left inside. She now checks it out everytime she goes outside. The kids think it is cute.. I honestly do too until she tracks the sand inside!

The sound of his voice..

How strange it is for me to be a parent, a grandparent, yet still feel like such a child when I talk to my Dad. There is something about his voice. We talked for close to an hour on the phone last week. What makes that a big deal is that my Dad doesn't usually like to talk on the phone. We were talking about trips out west he took with my Mom and about making copies of the video they took. So it wasn't really a "serious" conversation. The timber of his words reminded me of when I was a child and he would try to teach me about something, explaining it in detail so I would understand. It was just the sound of his voice.

One of the first times I ever heard him say the words "I Love You" to me was on the phone. I was in England January 1991, Brian had just left in the middle of the night and was headed for Saudi Arabia for the Gulf War. I was in a foreign country by myself with my children and I was scared and alone. I called my Mom & Dad. As we were saying our goodbyes I said my usual I love you, his usual reply my whole life was "me too". This time he said "I Love You Too". I was speechless and tears sprang to my eyes. My fear was forgotten in that precious moment. It was just the sound of his voice.

His voice was barely audible when I first saw him after Kierra's death. He held me so tight as I heard his voice in my ear saying "I Love You". I couldn't even speak. My Mother had so wanted to be the one to comfort me while I cried and I couldn't do it. I couldn't release that part of myself for her. I didn't intend to release that part of myself for anyone. But as my Dad held me and said those words in my ear I could not hold it back. It was just the sound of his voice.

So never underestimate what it means for someone to hear.. the sound of your voice.

Talking up a storm..

Tristan & Alexa had speech evaluations today and Tristan no longer needs speech therapy! He tested at the 4- 4 1/2 year old range. He just has to be reminded to slow down sometimes when he talks. Alexa still needs therapy, she tested at about the 3 year old level. Her former speech therapist said it may be an ongoing issue with her, so we shall see. So even though Tristan doesn't need to go anymore, we still have Alexa's appointments twice a week. They both are making progress, Tristan has been in speech therapy a year longer than Alexa because initially she talked more than he did and did the talking for him. I am sure with a little more time she will catch up too. They have come a long way from talking their own gibberish to each other and no one could understand anything they said!

Growing & Knowing..

They are too smart and growing up too fast! Alexa caught me with tears in my eyes and asked why I was crying. I told her I was sad. That didn't satisfy her. She wanted to know why I was sad. I tried to change the subject. She took hold of my face with her tiny hands and looked straight into my eyes. "Tell me why you sad?.. right now!" (I wonder where she gets that determination from??) I told her I was sad because I missed Mommy-Kierra. (That is what we call her with the twins so they will have that connection with her. They get upset and confused when I say she is their Mommy because they don't understand. For the same reason they call Alex "Daddy-Alex", so they will have that connection and know there is a difference. Until they are old enough to understand.) She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the fireplace mantel and pointed to the picture we have there of Kierra with Alexa. "You no miss her.. she right there!" And to Alexa that makes perfect sense. She only remembers her from pictures. She does not know her any other way. I have worked very hard to keep my tears from them. But every once in a while it happens, and they are not as easy to distract as they used to be, especially Alexa. She sees more and is more perceptive than Tristan. But don't let him fool you. He is just as quick to catch things you say or do that you may think he missed. He has also become quite the mimic lately. He noticed the exchange between Alexa & I. He watched from a distance, playing with his cars, and when Alexa & I returned to the living room he climbed on my lap and offered me his favorite car to play with. Already dealing with his emotions in an indirect way.. already a little man. They are almost 4 years old. How can that be?
I wonder at fate sometimes. That I was there while their mother carried them. That I was there for all the Dr. appointments and ultrasounds. That I know her cravings and all the funny things she said & did. That I was there as they entered the world so that I can share with them the miracle of that moment. That I was there as she talked about her hopes and dreams for them. I would trade being there then with her being here now, but since I can't, I will tell them for her. I will share her with them in so many ways no one else can. They will know more than in pictures, they will know so much more..

Aqua Aerobics..I feel like Garfield!

My sister & I have recently started Aqua Cardio Classes at the YMCA. It is a much harder workout than I thought it would be! We have even signed up for a Zumba class!

SOLD!!

We finally closed on the Beckley house! It was a long wait and we spent alot of money and time on it, but it is finally done. As relieved as I am, it is bittersweet to no longer own that home. We have alot of memories there. It is the last place I saw Kierra. But as much as that house held some of the best days of our lives, it also held the worst day of our lives as well. Life moves forward, no matter how slowly we follow along.

Did I tell you.. I saw Snow?!

Not here at home.. but last Saturday I was up in Madison at the horse ranch.. it was a very cold wet morning, then in the afternoon.. it snowed! Pretty big, whites tufts of snow fluttering through the air. It didn't stick, but was beautiful to watch. I could not remember the last time that I got to watch snow fall down around me. It was awesome. I went to the ranch alone this time, so I didn't have anyone to share it with, but maybe that was the point. It was something I wouldn't have slowed down to really enjoy and appreciate if I hadn't been by myself. There was such beauty and solace in those moments.
It was a crazy weekend other than that, but I enjoyed the break. I spilled a full cup of coffee on a beautiful ,big, victorian comforter..spent the snowy afternoon at the local laundromat because I felt so bad and didn't want it to stain! I lost my horse, I found my horse.. Trekked through the woods in freezing cold weather to find him. Finally rode Lenny out to find him and he took me straight to where Barney was hung up in some tree branches and vines.. not hurt, so we let him run loose to eat and calm down. He must have gone in to get out of the bad weather the day before. I lost him again that afternoon, but found him shortly after.. without his halter. It's a good thing I love that horse! He had been out to pasture because Tortuga has an abcess in her foot and has been inside the barn in his stall recuperating. He has been out to pasture before, many times, with no problems. Let's hope he is smart enough not to get stuck again. They will keep a close eye on him.
The kids had a blast with Terry, Dwight, & Savannah as always. Alexa likes to play the piano while Tristan plays Terri's guitar like a cello on it's stand. They jam out then bow and say thank you! Terri said they wished they could have gotten it on video.. it was so cute! Hunter told me he "chilled out" in the hot tub by himself to get a break from the twins and he gets to ride on Uncle Dwight's motorcycle with him and even got to sleep in the RV. (Dwight said he won't do that again.. Hunter was all over the place, he hardly got any sleep!) It is great that the kids feel so at home there and I know they are well cared for and loved. They are my lifesavers!

The Tortoise and The Hare

In our world of Potty Training Twins.. Alexa takes the lead and is totally in regular big girl panties now! She even stays dry when we go out...
Tristan is the tortoise in this tale, but I fear he won't be out smarting the hare! He has very little interest or inclination to wear big boy underwear and can't be bothered when he is playing. We are going to try something new over the weekend and we will see if that inspires him..I hope so!

Update on earlier post.. FYI

This is my "journal" of sorts. There are times I ramble, and times I make sense to myself, but not to anyone else. Please let me know if something confuses you or worries you. Usually it is just a miscommunication. I didn't realize the way I worded "IN A HEARTBEAT", that it could be misunderstood the way a few people took it. As I updated in the post.. I did not make the comment about "unloading the kids".. someone else made the comment and it made it's way back to me. You would be amazed at how often that happens. Even when someone says, "please don't say anything to anyone else"... someone, somewhere, will tell someone else and so on and so on. That is human nature I guess. I have been guilty of it myself. It is often not even intentional when someone tells you something hurtful. I imagine sometimes it is, but let's give each other the benefit of the doubt! I have been appalled at some of the things people felt the need to share with me about Kierra. 99% of it I already knew.. but why the need to share things that would shed a hurtful or negative light on someone who isn't around to defend themselves? And to tell things that wouldn't bring peace, but pain?? Anywho.. that is a whole other book! Sorry if I confused or concerned you guys.. all is well in our world, hope you are well in yours..

Finding the Alphabet..

The twins & I just got back from the grocery store. I just needed to pick up a few things so I hadn't planned on it taking very long. It took almost an hour! It all started when we were walking in and Tristan pointed out a letter on a sign. I told him he was so smart and such a big boy! Not to be outdone, Alexa picked out a letter from another sign. So of course I praised her as well.
So that is how we ended up playing "Find The Alphabet" in the grocery store for almost an hour! I almost forgot what I was shopping for, good thing I had my list! I am sure a few people thought we were odd, but the kids had a blast. it turned a hectic, rushed shopping trip into a fun, educational adventure. Maybe next time we'll do colors and numbers!

In a Heartbeat...

You know how a comment can go from one person to another to another? Very often that comment gets back to the person you probably would have preferred it never get to. That has happened to me a couple times lately. A couple comments were made about me and have gotten back to me. One that I have really thought alot about & tried to honestly evaluate I would like to share.. and clarify. (To clarify further..I did not make the comment, someone else said it about me and it was repeated back to me.) The comment was to the effect that I would "unload the kids in a heartbeat". I am not sure if that applied to all 3 or just the twins, but it doesn't matter.
They are alot of work, alot of hard work. Some days I don't know how I will do it. And I take full advantage of opportunities to get away and recharge. Most days I am worn out at the end of the day. But it's not just from the kids, it's from life in general too. I could not imagine our life without them. I would not be able to function without them to care for. It keeps me going and keeps my heart in tact. It is easier financially than when my older three were small, but so much harder emotionally. Did I/would I have "unloaded" my other children?? Of course not.. Did they drive me just as crazy? Of course they did! Would I do it all again? In a hearbeat!
Some people think they know how I feel.. I assure you, no matter who you are to me, you don't. You may have a vague notion, but you do not know how my heart feels. That is mine, and mine alone. Comments like this make me gaurd my heart even more.
I get stressed, I get tired. Show me a parent of 3 small children, even without our extenuating circumstances, and you will see them stressed and tired as well. I am blessed to have support from family & friends whom we hold very dear. We could not do this without them. It is not the way I thought my life at this stage would be, but there is no way for me to bring Kierra back, and that is the only way I could/ or would change where my life is today. So in case you were wondering.. my heart beats almost a hundred times a minute and no one is going anywhere.

One on One..

It is a rare opportunity that I get to spend one on one time with the kids. I get to have a few minnutes with Hunter when I drop him off or pick him up from school. I can't really count when I volunteer in his classroom because he shares me with 17 other kids! I guess he has gotten the most one on one time because he has gone to the ranch a few times. Once my hand is healed I want to start doing that with the twins too. The other night Alexa just wouldn't settle down and finally I let her come out to the couch long after the boys had fallen asleep. She insisted she was waiting for Papa to come home. We snuggled on the couch and she drew on her Dora Doodlepad. Now she very often will climb into our bed during the night and tends to get a bit extra TLC that way. Hunter does that once in a great while. Tristan will not climb into our bed to sleep. He only climbs up if we are awake and playing around. He will go out to the living room during the night or in the wee hours of the morning, but that is as close as he gets.
Well, last night Tristan got sent to his room at about 6:30 for telling me "No". He was sound asleep in less than 5 minutes. I figured that was no big deal since they go to bed anytime from 7:30 on.. sometimes 7:00 if they are really tired and cranky! Well at about 9:30pm he woke up, wide awake. He started to say "good morning" which he does every morning, but then he looked out the window and realized it was still night. I let him stay up thinking he would tire again in a short time and go back to bed. We had to force him to go to bed at around midnight so we could go to bed! But I did enjoy the time with just him. He played with his cars, drew on his Diego Doodlepad, and scrounged off Brian's dinner plate after he got home from work and finally had the chance to eat something. There were even a couple snuggles too!
Now were you thinking this adventure might have led to Tristan sleeping in later today? You would be mistaken! He was on the couch wrapped in his blanket and ready for the day before my alarm had the chance to go off this morning!
I don't plan on making all our individual time happen late at night, but I do plan on making sure it happens more often!

Not a Day Goes By

by Lonestar

Got a picture of you I carry in my heart
Close my eyes to see it when the world gets dark
Got a memory of you I carry in my soul
I wrap it close around me when the nights get cold

If you asked me how Im doin Id say just fine
But the truth is baby, if you could read my mind
Not a day goes by that I dont think of you
After all this time youre still with me its true
Somehow you remain locked so deep inside
Baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by

I still wait for the phone in the middle of the night
Thinkin you might call me if your dreams dont turn out right
And it still amazes me that I lie here in the dark
Wishin you were next to me, your head against my heart

If you asked me how Im doing Id say just fine
But the truth is baby, if you could read my mind
Not a day goes by that I dont think of you
After all this time youre still with me its true
Somehow you remain locked so deep inside
Baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by

Minutes turn to hours, and the hours to days
Seems its been forever that Ive felt this way
Not a day goes by that I dont think of you
After all this time youre still with me its true
Somehow you remain locked so deep inside
Baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by

Still not closed..

NO, we have not closed on the Beckley house yet! Our absolute deadline is end of business tomorrow. Wish us Luck, say a Prayer.. whatever works!!

little people.. big mess!

I am always amazed at how big a mess the littlest people in the house can make! Brian & I spent the better part of today cleaning & fixing things and we aren't done yet! I completely cleaned and organized both of the boys rooms and steam cleaned Tristan's carpet. Alexa's room will have to wait until tomorrow. I downsized and sorted out their toys and Brian stripped, cleaned and remade their beds. Resolve makes the most awesome spot magic stain remover.. it works on chocolate, candy of various colors, and poop! Can't tell you how much fun cleaning all that was! Our steam cleaner is one of the best investments we ever made. On to cleaning the hall and the area between the kitchen and the back door!

H. Pylori

Helicobacter pylori is a helical shaped Gram-negative bacterium that infects various areas of the stomach and duodenum. Many cases of peptic ulcers, gastritis, duodenitis, and perhaps cancer are caused by H. pylori infection. However, many who are infected do not show any symptoms of disease. Helicobacter spp. are the only known microorganisms that can thrive in the highly acidic environment of the stomach. Its helical shape (from which the genus name is derived) is thought to have evolved to penetrate and favor its motility in the mucus gel layer.

This is the latest thing my doctors have found me to have. I have some minor symptoms, but nothing major. So I am on Nexium and mega doses of antibiotics. I am supposed to avoid ongoing stress & coffee. (LOL) Always something! I see my hand doc tomorrow, I will let you know what they say..

3 Little Elves..

Have you looked under your couch lately?? I am fortunate that ours is situated away from the walls. I can just tip it back and have access to underneath. I do it about every two weeks. It is quite the adventure even in such a short amount of time. Today I found pieces of puzzles, toys, hair barrettes, lots of dust bunnies, crumbs from assorted snacks, pieces of paper, wrappings from Capri Sun straws, & unknown bits & pieces. There are a couple toys down inside one of the pieces to the couch. They are unreachable, forever destined to live in the dark crevices of our couch until we someday get a new couch. I refuse to cut the underside to get them out. It is another mystery how they came to be there in the first place. The infamous elf, "I Don't Know" must have done it. He seems to get around alot these days! He hides in the house somewhere with his pals.. "Not Me" & "I Didn't Do It".. If you notice there are 3 of them.. quite a coincidence that we have 3 elves of our own living here too!

Christmas is over!

The kids keep telling each other "Christmas is over!" while they watch me pack up and put away all the Christmas decorations. Why does it take 3 times as long to put stuff away than it did to get it out? My house looks bare! ( At least the walls and shelves/tables do.. toys cover most of the floor!) I still have some things to pack up, but it is all narrowed down to my formal dining room area. I will be glad when it is all gone! I hate putting it away more than I couldn't stand getting it all out. Hopefully today will finish it up. I still have to get plywood and get it up in the attic so I can get stuff stored and out of the garage. The kids keep asking me why I am putting everything away.. and that is where they learned their new phrase... Christmas is over!

Getting back on track..

The past few weeks have been crazy for everyone. It really shows in the kids and how they behave. I thought things were hectic before the Holidays, but even a crazy routine/schedule is better than none at all! By the way.. I didn't pick out the carpet color.. it came with the house!

*We finally got Alexa's toilet unplugged.. it had doll brushes stuck in it.
*Hunter ate ALL the icing off about 3/4 of a whole red velvet cake Rick brought for Christmas dinner. He demolished the cake, leaving a trail of it all over the floor to his room... mostly on the cream colored carpet!
*You would think that was enough cake.. but he did the same thing to the remainder of Terry's birthday cake as well! He does this in the wee hours of the morning before anyone wakes up.
*Tristan sneaks candy into his room.. spits out what he doesn't like.. again on the cream colored carpet! Can't figure out where the candy keeps coming from!
*Both Tristan & Alexa hide "dirty" pull-ups & underpants in various places in their room.. adds quite the "odor" to their room & carpet, not to mention a few stains as well. I have been spot cleaning.. time to shampoo all the carpets!
*They all have every toy they own pulled out and scattered everywhere!
*Alexa has become even more of a drama queen. She scratched a scab on her foot, asked for a band-aid, then proceeded to limp and asked to be carried because her foot hurt and she couldn't walk!
*Tristan has become our professional whiner.. he whines when he first wakes up, he whines whenever he wants a drink, snack, etc.. he whines when he is told to go potty, he whines when he is tired. That pretty much covers whenever he is awake!
*Soap crayons may wash off bathrooom walls, but not room walls.. Tristan's room still has streaks of red that even my magic eraser can't get off! The other colors came off with major scrubbing, but not the red!
*One night while Terry was here we tried to take them all to a movie, we got as far as McDonald's and decided to do movie night at home they were so out of control.. they even made that difficult! Alexa cried about wanting popcorn until Brian told her (via phone) that we had popcorn at home.. only to discover at movie time that we had no popcorn! I got them to settle for potato sticks instead.
*Alexa's new thing whenever she is mad.. she has to talk to Papa/Daddy (depending on how upset she is decides what she calls him).. she cries and cries, then boo hoos to him on the phone.. giving me the evil eye the whole time. And magically the tears disappear!

Now that I have complained about them.. let me tell you about the best part of the past few weeks. Yesterday morning Brian & I were in bed. Alexa had crawled into our bed during the night. The boys came in to wake us up and we spent over an hour playing and sharing hugs and tickles before we all got up. Brian didn't have to go to work and we had no where we had to go. It doesn't happen often, so we really enjoyed it. We have movie times like that too. Brian usually misses those, but he got to share in one last night. Those times make it easier to deal with the normal chaos they produce on a daily basis. It doesn't balance out, but life very rarely does.

Hunter returns to school tomorrow. The twins start back with speech therapy this week. I am putting away all the remnants of Christmas. Hopefully we can all get back on track!

Mistakes and Moments..

Here we are, just one month away from the twin's 4th birthday. I am constantly amazed at how they change and grow every day. I can honestly say that on most days they wear me out! They have boundless energy and very little fear. They see everything as bright and new and theirs.. even when it isn't! I wonder some days what they would be like if Kierra were here to raise them. I wonder if they would be different. I have known people not raised anywhere near their parents, yet they are alot like them. Both in mannerisms and habits. I wonder how much is from who raises you, or who gives birth to you. I am sure it is a mixture of both. I am not as carefree as Kierra. She was such a free spirit. I try to do the things she liked to do with them. I try to show them the things she wanted them to see.
Every parent wants the best for their children. We all second guess how we do things and what is best for them. I think I have learned from my years of parenting, yet no 2 children are alike, and each experience is new. So I will learn along with them, and we will teach each other along the way. I know I will make mistakes, and they will too, as did their mother before them, and as all my children have. A mistake is an unexpected opportunity.. to learn, to change, to grow. (I should be 10 feet tall by now!)
So on the days when I doubt I will survive this, I will try to remember that I have been here before. I will remember another blond haired little girl who tried my patience more than once. I will remember another pair of hazel eyes that looked at me with mischief brewing in them. I will remember the time that flew by too fast and I will treasure the moments I have, good and otherwise.

Greta- Family Pix 12-30-07

Greta Family Pix 12-30-07
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Cody, Katie, Joshua, Jonathan, Hunter,Alexa, Randy, (holding his Great grandson!), Greta & Tristan.

Greta wanted a picture with all the kids. I thought getting just 3 to stand still was tough.. it wouldn't be them if they weren't hamming it up!

Jan 1 2008

Jan 1 2008
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Got them to stand still for a split second.. it is amazing how quick they move! I have dozens of blurry pictures! I thought it was cute that Tristan put his arms around Hunter & Alexa. Sometimes they actually like each other!

Chad & Bri 12-24-07

Chad & Bri 12-24-07
Originally uploaded by mommanana

My big kids who still act like little kids! Here Bri grabbed Chad for a pic, which he avoids having taken all the time!

Terry & the munchkins 1-1-08

Terry & the munchkins 1-1-08
Originally uploaded by mommanana

We've been pretty busy since Christmas. Terry came to visit from down south for almost a week. I have known her for more than 30 years! It was great to have her here, even for a quick visit. We got to get away for the weekend to celebrate her birthday which is New Year's Eve. Click on the pic to view more pix. Happy Birthday Terry!

You know the drill..

There are pix of the kids all geared up with their new scooters, go to the photo gallery to see them.. just click on any of the photos I've posted. Will post more later..

Alexa's Tea Party!

Alexa's Tea Party!
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Alexa insisted everyone have a tea party with her.. Bri & Chad were showing her the "proper" way to drink your tea!

Brian's big present... Hunter

Brian's big present... Hunter
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Brian told Hunter he didn't want anything for Christmas. When Hunter told him he had to open something, Brian told him to wrap himself up because that would be the best present ever... So this was Hunter's Idea!

Christmas Day 8:30 am "After"

Christmas Day 8:30 am "After"
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Christmas Eve/ Day... 2 am! "Before"

Christmas Eve... 2 am! "Before"
Originally uploaded by mommanana

on Hold..

We are still in a holding pattern on the closing for the Beckley house. I will post Christmas pix, etc. later..

Just Listen...

The lights are bright on our Christmas tree,
decorations are draped all around.
When all is quiet in the dark of night
I listen yet don't hear a sound.

My mind can hear the laughter
of Christmas's gone by.
My mind can recall the visions
I barely have to try.

Most memories come unheeded
of Christmas around a tree.
With all my children with me
gathered at my knee.

This Christmas we have a different tree
and are making traditions anew.
With your children gathered at my knee
sharing memories of you.

My heart can feel your laughter
from Christmas's gone by.
My heart can feel your presence
I barely have to try.

The lights are bright on our Christmas tree,
decorations are draped all around.
You are with me in the dark of night
I just listen with my heart and you are found.

mjs 12-24-07

Hope vs. Caution

Update on the Beckley house.. it is still ours. We didn't close last week because the appraisal report didn't get done in time. That is the responsibility of the buyer's side of things. We are scheduled to close this Wed. the 26th.. the day after Christmas, "Boxing Day" in England. We are hopeful, yet cautious.. let's hope that "Hope" wins out and all goes well!

Dancing with a Dervish..

Dervish :as bodily movements leading to a trance
:one that whirls or dances with or as if with the abandonment of a dervish

Last Wednesday I got my cast off. My finger was pretty much healed, he just wanted to be sure it was set before I had full use of it enough to do some therapy for my hand. The rules were to keep it taped for 3 weeks until I saw the doc again Jan. 14th. I did pretty good until after Hunter's party. The tape got wet & yucky, so I took it off in the kitchen and headed to the bathroom for more tape. Alexa came dancing by me, grabbed my hand to twirl herself and when she lost her balance she grabbed my finger and twisted to catch herself... snapping and twisting my almost healed finger and rebreaking it! I didn't think it could be broken worse than the first time, or be more painful..but IT IS! They said it was a spiral break this time and was more difficult to heal. The first time it hurt, but I was able to use the hand to support or carry things and I could use the available fingers to open things, etc. Not this time. To use it at all is very painful. I am even typing one handed! I broke down and filled a script for some pain meds. I haven't taken any yet although after running errands yesterday I said I was going to. It is even worse this morning. So I will take half of one and see how that goes. Of course my ortho doc is off til Wed, so I have a temporary hard cast on until I see him. I am sure he will be thrilled. I know I am! The new rules from the ER doc.. no more dancing!

Birthday Boy!

Hunter Newborn
Originally uploaded by mommanana

He is 7 now.. despite my requests for him to stop growing! He had a great day, and an awesome party. I have been spoiled by the availability of places to have parties.. Chuck E. Cheese, Ollie Koala's, Dave & Buster's. Hunter has asked for a costume party for 2 years now. He wanted it to have nothing to do with Christmas. So this year we had a costume party. He invited his classmates and his friends. Out of 20 kids invited, he had 6 show up. They had a blast! We set up our bouncy castle. We set up the sand box so they could dig for buried pirate coins to claim a treasure prize. We rented a popcorn machine and a cotton candy machine too. I fed them Chick-fil-a, lots of sugar and sent them home with more! Hunter said it was the best birthday ever.

Jack 12-17-07 9 lbs 1 oz

Jack 12-17-07 9 lbs 1 oz
Originally uploaded by mommanana

I am an Auntie again.. Cricket keeps me loaded with nephews and a neice! This is #6 for her. Isn't he beautiful?!

Hunter, Tristan, Santa & Alexa 12-1-07

Hunter, Tristan, Santa & Alexa 12-1-07
Originally uploaded by mommanana

This was at a party our Realtor's office had, just got the pix back.. individual pix in the gallery, click on this one to get there as usual.
Is it just me.. or does this Santa look mean?? I didn't notice that at the time!
Tristan looks so short because he was scrunching down to be next to Hunter.

Let it snow!

Caught this website from another blog... too cute! Add a little fun to your day, go make a snowflake!
http://www.popularfront.com/snowdays/

Santa & Alexa 12-8-07

Jackpott Santa & Alexa 12-8-07
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Santa & Tristan 12-8-07

Jackpott Santa & Tristan 12-8-07
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Jackpott Santa & Hunter 12-8-07

Jackpott Santa & Hunter 12-8-07
Originally uploaded by mommanana

We went to the Jacksonville Parents Of Twins & Triplets Christmas party yesterday. The kids had fun. I am waiting for some other Santa pix, but these will do for now. They were taken with my cell phone and everyone was moving, so excuse that they are a little blurry! You can click on any of the Santa pix and go view the photo gallery.

Silent Night!

(I loaded these through the blog, so you can't click on them to get to the photo gallery. I won't do that again! Sorry!)

This was the end result to watching Christmas shows after playing outside. They didn't want pillows & blankets because they weren't tired! Did I wake them up? NO. Did I put them into their beds right away (raising the odds that they would wake up)? NO. I took full advantage of the peace & quiet. I left them there for a while and when I was ready to shut things down and go into my room, then I moved them and they stayed asleep!

Christmas Tree Training!

We have a beautiful Christmas tree. It is full and tall, and right now waiting to have ornaments put on it. The lights and topper are on, but it may be a while before I dare to put anything else on it. I may even take it down and get a tiny bright red metallic tree instead. Maybe then Tristan would stop trying to climb it! He trys to climb it, he hides his toys among the branches, & he flings socks to see how high they go before they stick to it. Alexa watches, cheers him on, and when she thinks no one is watching she joins in. Her favorite thing is to change the light pattern... Papa's little princess for sure! So we are going through Christmas Tree Training here at the Shore house.. what NOT to do to the tree! It is uncertain wether the recruits will pass or fail, and the tree's survival is in question, but I won't give up without a fight!

Along for the ride..

You might be suprised to learn that Princess Alexa has quite a temper, is stubborn, and likes to stick out her tongue... remind you of anyone?.. besides me!? That is also when she looks the most like Kierra. It is hard to maintain your composure when she is in the middle of a fit and you see Kierra in her loud and clear. Sometimes it makes us want to laugh, and other times it is hard not to cry. But we stick to our guns and get through it. It is amazing at almost 4 years old that they have such developed personalities. They always have, but now it is more vocal, more defined. Most of the time it is Tristan getting into mischief, usually with Hunter right along with him. Both boys are so active and so loud! Alexa tends to play more on her own, and although she will play with them, she will veer toward playing by herself. She is generally quieter and easier to entertain if I want to get things done and need them to settle in one place. Tristan can't seem to sit still. Now don't be fooled, Alexa can keep up with the boys and do her own share of mayhem. Just yesterday she coated all her little play people with powder. Thank God for Vaccum cleaners! At least she kept it in one place.
When Kierra was about Lexie's age she & Brianne were supposedly taking a nap. Kierra let Bri, who was about a year or so old, "help" her spray a full bottle of baby powder into the air in the bedroom. It was everywhere! In the speaker holes of the bedside radio, coated all over the hardwood floors, blankets, beds, etc. It took days to clean it all up. Trust me, a little powder goes a long way.. a lot of powder is endless! I think the clock radio still had powder in it when we got rid of it years later!
So some things are destined to be repeated. There are some things they will do just like she did. But they are not her, they are their own person, and they will make their own way in this world.. we are just along for the ride!

NOEL

NOEL
Originally uploaded by mommanana

My other project I was determined to finish today. I found these decorations on sale at Home Depot because they are discontinued. They are made from grapevines so the brown blends with the landscaping during the day. We aren't messing with all the icicle lights this year.. too much work. The deer's heads move, the kid's want them to stay all year! I am sure the neighbors would love that!
Tristan thinks he should be able to ride them.. good thing they don't go out front unsupervised. I will have to keep an extra keen ear on the door alarm, I am sure he will try it at least once!

My "new" laundry room

My "new" laundry room
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Well, clean and organized makes it new for me.. it only took me 7 months! Actually I reorganized all the cabinets today to keep all the cleaning stuff out of the kids reach. Then I put up the shelf to hang clothes on and set up the bins to sort the laundry as it goes in there. I even labeled the bins. (Thank you Terri for that idea!) We'll see if it helps keep the laundry under control! I still need to put up the window blind, but since it faces the dog run and the preserve full of trees we haven't worried about it. This was hard enough with only one good hand! The kids are excited about using the signs to put their clothes in the bins.. we'll see how long that lasts!

Let the games begin..

Brian got a Brookstone catalog in the mail the other day and debated getting new LED lights for our tree. We decided to wait and maybe get some on sale after Christmas for next year. I had lunch with my friend Vicky on Sunday and explained the Christmas Tree Light Game we play every year. We have 2 sets of lights that can be set for over a dozen different patterns. It can be quite a chore to get them synchronized, but they look great when they are all done. I like them on constant, or on a slow, calm wave. Brian likes to set them to trick me. There is a pattern that starts out on constant, then goes completely out, then flashes one color at a time until all are flashing, then starts the constant, out, etc, all over again. My least favorite pattern I have nicknamed "prelude to a seizure." It starts out in a nice, calm wave throughout the tree. Then it speeds up gradually until it is frenetically flashing like a disco strobe light gone awry. Brian likes to mess with the patterns, I like to leave it alone, once it is set where I want it! Another Shore tradition, twisted as it may be.. let the games begin!

Where are you Christmas?

I was diligently filling out Christmas cards tonight, not really feeling in the Christmas mood, which is the norm lately, when this song came on my kitchen radio.. quite fitting..

"Where Are You Christmas"

Where are you Christmas

Why can't I find you

Why have you gone away

Where is the laughter

You used to bring me

Why can't I hear music play

My world is changing

I'm rearranging

Does that mean

Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas

Do you remember

The one you used to know

I'm not the same one

See what the time's done

Is that why you have let me go

Christmas is here

Everywhere, oh

Christmas is here

If you care, oh

If there is love in your heart and your mind

You will feel like Christmas all the time

(I'm still working on this part!)

I feel you Christmas

I know I've found you

You never fade away

The joy of Christmas

Stays here inside us

Fills each and every heart with love

Where are you Christmas

Fill your heart with love

Just "fine"..

I started my day with a broken stocking holder, a very red ear, and flourescent yellow crayon melted all inside my dryer and all over Alexa's new jeans! Tristan learned the hard way not to pull on the stockings on the mantel. The Mickey stocking holder hit his ear on the way to the floor and is quite heavy. No cuts, but it will probably bruise. I hope Alexa learned by example. I repaired the broken stocking holder, (Thank You super glue!) and on to the next disaster..
I just bought Alexa a couple pairs of jeans because she has less pants than the boys do. I washed them with a load of jeans and then threw a couple pair along with a pair of Hunter's jeans into the dryer so they could get dressed and we could go to a Santa party. When I opened the dryer everything, including the inside of my dryer, was flourescent yellow! Thank goodness I turned Lexie's new jeans inside out.. just the cuff and waistband show bright yellow, but the other jeans weren't so lucky. No one knows where the crayon came from or whose pocket it was in. I check most pockets, but for over a dozen pair of puny jeans there is bound to be a missed one.. obviously!
I cleaned out my dryer somewhat and will finish it later. We went to the Santa party, will post pix when I get them. I then dropped them at daycare for a couple hours so I could run some errands in relative peace & quiet. The time flew by too fast and here we are back home. In the past half hour Alexa has gotten soap bubbles in her eye, Hunter and Tristan bumped heads, and I am about to throw every little toy & whistle they got at that party straight into the trash so they will quit arguing who got what color, etc!
Other than that we're just fine!