Sunday, May 01, 2016

Bereaved Mother's Day?

Is this really a day? I feel, as a bereaved mother, that there is no one day. It is every single day. It is odd to me that there are days labeled as such. As though it gives us permission, on these acknowledged days, to be bereaved, to be grieving. Yet on most any other day, it is not so readily accepted. People actually avoid acknowledging our loss, or losses.
There are two pregnancy losses I do not often acknowledge to anyone other than myself. One was when Kierra was just 3 months old. I was about 6 weeks along when I miscarried. I was battling an infection from Kierra's birth & my body was not prepared for another pregnancy. I was not aware I was pregnant until after the loss. The second was April 30, 1998. Almost 12 years after having a tubal ligation. That pregnancy was about 10 weeks, there was a heartbeat & the choice had to be made to dissolve the pregnancy due to the placenta being on one side of the rejoined tube, and the fetus was on the other, pinching off the amniotic sac between the two. There was no way to save that pregnancy.
I grieved those losses. I sometimes think about when they would have been born, how old they would be now, etc. Those losses are dim in comparison to the loss of my oldest daughter at 24 years of age. I have lost a parent, a sibling, nieces, nephews, & friends. They are all different losses. The dates of their deaths can be a more obvious day of mourning. As are birthdays, holidays, etc. But I miss them every single day. I can laugh and enjoy life and still miss them not being here to share it.
Grief is not contagious. You cannot make me feel worse by mentioning my child. You can't remind me that she is gone by mentioning her name. I am never able to forget she is gone.
You can honor her by saying her name, by sharing a memory. It brings me great joy to know she is remembered. So I appreciate that there is a day acknowledged for mothers who have lost a child or children. I think it is not spoken of enough. It is pushed behind closed doors all too often. Hug each other, honor each other, love each other. Every single day!