On Secomd Thought..

There is something else I need after all... a really good babysitter! I have Terri & the gang for when I need a weekend break, (or recovery from surgery!) or if I am going somewhere overnight, etc. They are always willing to take them on. Brianne has been a huge help & helps whenever her schedule allows. Greta & Randy even take them when they can. So I don't mean to complain or infer they aren't really good babysitters.... what I need is someone who can watch them so I can do things with Terri (& the gang), Brianne, & Greta (& Randy), and to fill in to give all of the above a break now & then because they all work full time as well. I have had the help of a couple friends who have twins as well, but I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth, or burn out a friendship.
I had a couple referrals for teenagers in our neighborhood, but one of them is always busy with other plans, & the other one never calls back or comes over when she says she will. So those numbers were erased from my list. Of course, then there was no list! So I went back to using an hourly daycare center up in Jacksonville. But since I only need them occasionally it is cost prohibitive because their rates are high on a PRN basis, lower if you buy "packages" of hours. Not to mention they are about 30-40 minutes away from my house, a bit out of the way most of the time. It wasn't so bad when the kids were in school (pre-k for the twins). I scheduled most things during those hours. Summer has become a major challenge.
I am a starbucks addict (suprised?!). there are 2 starbucks near me. One is 5 miles north, just off the interstate, the other is 5 miles East on US1. They know me by name & my usual coffee! One morning while talking to one of my "regular" baristas we got on the babysitter subject. He mentioned a sister who may be able to help me out. I jumped at the opportunity to have her come over and see if it would work out for us both.
She came over for the day on Monday & watched the twins while I took Hunter to the Dr. It seemed to go well. She is 18, just graduated from high school. She watched them Thursday while I took Randy to the dentist. I warned her that they would probably play her & test her. I tried to give her the do & do not scenarios. Randy's appt ended up being almost all day. I called throughout to check on them & all seemed to go well.
I came home to absolute chaos! The biggest issue was that Hunter & Alexa had convinced the sitter that they were allowed to play outfront with their bikes & Hummer.... without her! Tristan didn't want to go, (he knew better!) & Cali, our great dane, wouldn't go outside for the sitter. Hunter told her she couldn't leave Cali alone in the house, which is true, but he also told her it was okay, he would watch Alexa. She asked him if I let him do that... Hunter & Alexa both told her yes! NOT. She checked on them often, & said most of the time they were drawing with the sidewalk chalk.. or so it seemed. Hunter & Alexa would keep an eye out & listen for the door alarm, then run & catch her before she discovered all the things they had gotten into in the garage. Here are just a few of the highlights..
*Red Bull from the garage fridge.. tried it, didn't like it, so played hockey with several cans.. somehow puncturing a few. The ants have invaded my driveway even though it has been sprayed down..bug spray is a wonderful thing! Red Bull cans were strewn all over the far right side of our house..furthest from our front door so no one would see!
*Duct Tape.. a large new roll. Taped everything & anything they saw.. wads of it all over the place from when they pulled it off so they wouldn't get caught!
*Tool Box.. I think that may have been connected to the Red Bull somehow..possibly how the cans got holes in them.. no one is fessing up.. tools strewn everywhere.
*Camping Chairs & various outdoor games.. all out & in disarray.
*Several bins emptied with various toys, clothes, etc.
*got into unopened toys I had in a dresser in the garage, opened them & had them strewn everywhere.
*Popsicle & drink wrappers here & there.
* Alexa was dancing on top of the neighborhood large green electrical box when I pulled up.. never saw her move so fast as she dove off of it, grabbed her baby buggy & actually tried to pretend she hadn't been up there!
*They had somehow gotten the top off of, & knocked over, the fireant killer, thankfully they didn't mess with it, just made a mess!
There are probably still things out there I haven't discovered yet. My front yard looked like a junkyard. The sitter was very upset when she realized all they had done. She & I had a huge talk about common sense & being more attentive to what they are doing. Tristan, other than not telling her they lied, was actually the good one for the day! I was glad they didn't get hurt, although sympathy might have curbed my anger!
She was so sorry & promised it wouldn't happen again. She didn't know & isn't used to 3 small kids at one time. She watched them again yesterday for just a couple hours.. Hunter still got into things he shouldn't have & didn't want to listen to her. He & I talked about that, and about what being grounded means. I made sure Cali was gated in my bathroom while I was gone so she wouldn't have a 4th child not listening!
She is supposed to babysit on Monday so Bri , Jess & I can go up to the horses. I asked her if she was still willing to babysit.. I figure this will be the truth teller.. they will either do better, or she may not be the right fit. I told her she can have fun with them, but can't be their friend, she needs to be firm & on top of them. I just don't know if she has the confidence or the experience to handle them. We shall see.
They are a handful, I am not dillusional, I know they are alot to deal with. I am hoping everyone settles down & it works out for the occasional time I need a sitter. I don't want the name "Shore" to send sitters running in the opposite direction. School starts on August 24th. I am hoping I can work out the twins going to half day camp for a couple weeks... so we'll just keep swimming, swimming, swimming through the rest of summer!
(although hockey is a pretty good use for red bull!)

All that I want, All that I need..

There is such a fine line between need & want. I want alot, I need very little. I need time alone with Brian. (Here's some TMI)...not just for sex, although that is great when we can manage it! But just to be with him, to talk , to share, to just "BE" together. Between his crazy schedule & my being pulled in a dozen different directions, time truly alone together is rare. We both get plowed under by life & all that we do. We also get burnt out by those same demands day after day. We are not alone, it is how many couples live their lives.
I go through phases & I think Brian does too, when it all just gets to be too much. I NEED to be with him, need to have some time for just the two of us. More than a couple hours out at a movie, which doesn't happen often either, but it is about the only thing we do as a "date night" from time to time. That is the "big" thing we did for our anniversary. I enjoyed it, but it wasn't enough. We slow danced for a few minutes in the parking lot, & that was awesome.
It doesn't have to be the most romantic, or anything fancy. Just to be together, uninterrupted, & have the energy & ability to give our undivided attention to each other. I have planned a weekend for us to be "home alone" in a few weeks. We can't really afford to go anywhere, & honestly I don't want to. I don't want to go anywhere or see anyone else but Brian. It may sound selfish, but I don't want any phones, any visits, nada. I am not planning anything. We can sleep, watch movies, do something, do nothing. I don't care. He works so many hours & misses out on so much. We spent a week at Disney. Yes, he took a week off, but the only true time we had "alone" was a ride through the Haunted Mansion. I am not complaining, we had a great week. It was mainly for & about the kids. Now I want to give that same attention to my husband. For 48 hours I don't want to be distracted or exhausted from anyone or anything else.
I had Kierra when we met. 26 years later we are still raising children together. Neither of us would have it any other way, but that doesn't mean that we don't deserve to put each other first every once in a while. I don't NEED him all the time, every day. I WANT him all the time, every day, but sometimes the NEED is so great it hurts.
It doesn't have to be a weekend, but take the time to appreciate & truly "be with" the person you love. With or without kids, life can eat up all your time & energy. You know your partner loves you & you know they know you love them, but nothing replaces giving yourself & your time to the one you love. Nothing expensive, nothing fancy, just your time. You both not only WANT that from each other, you NEED that from each other.
We have a quote on the wall next to our bed, it says;
"Holding you, I hold everything" that is so true, all that I want & all that I need, rolled into one. So I will take the time to not just tell Brian that, but to show him that with my time & attention, just the two of us!
(HUGE Thank You to Terri, Dwight, Savanna, & Jess for being such great friends & such a great second family for the kids. We couldn't do it without you!)

*IT* Happens...

some times more often than others..sh*t happens! Yesterday was one of those days. My phone was on the fritz, my GPS sent me to timbuktu, every time I needed to get out of my car it rained, Cali hurt her left front foot, Hunter left his window open & soaked the window frame, sill & carpet, Hunter has a sprained left wrist, (thankfully not broken..again!), the kids have been fighting non-stop, I had to take Hunter to an urgent appt. with his specialist, there was a glitch at the pharmacy when I tried filling his prescription, & on & on & on! Just another day in the Shore nuthouse!
Hunter has been taking medications for ADHD for about 2 years, & for the past year he has also been taking medication for Bipolar symptoms. (Bipolar isn't usually diagnosed until puberty, but he has all the symptoms of it.) His Dr. & I had decided to take him off all meds once school ended to cleanse his body & get a baseline of his behavior. I can usually handle Hunter, but I have to admit I was at my breaking point when I took him to his appt. yesterday. There is a big difference between "just being a boy" and the behaviors that Hunter exhibited when off his meds; he had emotional outbursts to the extreme. He became hysterical or enraged by trivial things. He broke things, or more often, cut things when he got mad or upset. there is no rhyme or reason as to what set him off. He became physical when playing or when he got mad. I could not leave him unsupervised at all. He made very unsafe choices, such as using a very sharp hunting knife he got out of a toolbox in the garage to cut a milk jug he was supposed to be putting in the recycle bin. He could have seriously hurt himself. He also jumped off the back end of his bunkbed trying to break his storage shelf because he was mad. That is when he hurt his wrist & we thought it was broken. He was also becoming more physical with the twins. I made sure they didn't play unsupervised to avoid them getting hurt. I would never put them or Hunter in danger. It is a hard admission for any parent to make.. that they are afraid their child is a danger to themselves or others. But it is what it is.. or was.. because I got him in to see his doc & he is now back on medication. It was a very rough month.
I think I was hoping there would be a magical change, a cure. That he would be unaffected by being off his meds. There wasn't. Those behaviors were out of control unmedicated. They are almost nonexistent when he is on medication. I wish he didn't have these conditions. I wish I could have done something to make it all better. I feel guilty that as his Mom I couldn't "save" him, or "protect" him from this. His Dr. reassures me that this is something no one, not even Hunter, can control without the help of medication. There is biological history of ADHD & Bipolar for Hunter. Unfortunately he has both. There isn't behavior modification for this. It isn't something he will outgrow. so we grab the bull by the horns & do what we have to do to help him, to do what needs to be done for him to learn & realize that medications are neccesary for him to fiunction to the best of his ability. But it sucks, it is not fair that at 8 years old he has to deal with this, as unfair as it was for him to lose his sister & gain 2 siblings when he was only a month shy of his 5th brithday. Life is rarely fair. You can overcome it or let it overcome you. Control freak that I am, I will overcome it, for him, with him, we will fight the fight and get this under control. He started back on medication today.
I would not trade Hunter, Tristan, or Alexa for any other child in the world. Anymore than I would trade having Kierra, Brianne & Chad. They are my heart and soul. They are why I get out of bed every day, even on the days like yesterday when I really don't want to! Yesterday was a bad day, but it was yesterday, not today, & hopefully not tomorrow. When the rare day like yesterday gets to me, I vow when that day ends the next day will be better, and so it is. We have the power to give in or get up. I got up yesterday & trudged through it, I got up today & walked a little stronger, & I will get up tomorrow be stronger still. Yesterday is over, done, finito.
It's irrefutable, undisputable... the fact is... *IT* happens!

These Days..

These days.. life goes on
rambling with a mind of it's own
pulling me with it, like it or not
never caring where I'm thrown.

These days.. life goes on
with or without my consent
pulling me with it, like it or not
never caring if I'm spent.

These days.. life goes on
and I see more of the light
pulling me with it, like it or not
giving me back my sight.

These days.. life goes on
and it's music to my ears
pulling me with it, like it or not
as laughter drowns out my fears.

These days.. life goes on
knowing I'll never forget
pulling me with it, like it or not
I'm not done living yet.

MJS 7.2.09

Family Dynamics

I know families that have only 1 child, I know families that have 6 or more children. I know a few that had very little trouble with their teenagers, very few! The norm seems to be that somewhere between 16 to 20 years old they decide to drive their parents crazy! The age of 16 wasn't so bad for us with the older three kids. 18-20 was the rough phase for us. The age where they figure they can do whatever they want, even if they are still living at home, because they are adults now...hahahahahahaha! If that were true they wouldn't need their parents to fix their problems, or pay their bills, or get them out of trouble.
The oldest child usually tends to be the hardest to deal with when these issues arise. It is the first time you have to handle that type of situation. It is a hit or miss scenario. We try to avoid how our parents handled things because when we were that age, our parents did everything wrong... right? We also want any younger siblings to learn from other's mistakes, and have to think ahead to when we have to deal with their possible teenage angst.
It isn't the same with every family, but I notice middle children tend to be more mature, & do tend to learn from their older siblings experiences. They also tend to be less demanding on us than our oldest or youngest children. They almost tend to be invisible. Not intentionally, never on purpose. But I think we go to autopilot sometimes when we have stress from one child eating up our emotional resources. The youngest child is "our baby", no matter how old they are. We tend to give in more, tend to allow more than we do with the older children, again, not on purpose. We feed all our emotions about them being our last baby, about the mistakes we made with our older children, into how we react & respond to them.
Chad kind of went from our youngest to sort of a "middle" child when we took in Hunter. That was quite a switch in dynamics. It changed things for him, for us. Kierra's death in itself was another major change for our family, then add the twins to the mix and WOW. Bringing other children into your home changes the dynamics just as much as giving birth to another child. No matter how old they are, your other child/children will react accordingly. The dynamics change wether you want them to or not!
Changes in any family, any type of change, makes the dynamics change too. When an oldest child moves out, the next in line kind of steps into that slot, becoming the "oldest" in the household. Then the domino affect happens and the whole family has to adjust to the change. Sometimes everyone steps into their new slot seemlessly, other times it is not so smooth & easy.
I could not go "back home" to my parent's house when I left Indiana & came back home. The dynamics had changed too much & there wasn't that same slot waiting for me to step back into it. I wanted, and expected to be the "oldest" with all the authority & priveleges that came with it.
But I had become a mother as well & I didn't fit into the slot of being anyone's child anymore. My younger siblings also weren't going to step back into the roles they had before I left. I had expected them to change back for me, I had to change to the way things were at that time, not before. It didn't last long. I moved elsewhere. That was probably for the best. They say you can't go back home again, in many ways I believe that is true. It was for me.
I see the families around me all going through different stages of what I have already been through with the older three children. I am not so eager to go through it all again with these younger three! I can hope I have learned from my previous experience. Yet every child is different, parenting every child is different. So I will do the best I can, which is all any of us can do. All the best to you & your family, whatever the dynamics are.

Church Steps 7.1.1983

Church Steps 7.1.1983
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Brian & I had our 26th Anniversary yesterday. He had to work, I had the kids all day, so it was just another day for us. Greta watched the kids last night so Brian & I could have a "date". We went to a deli for a bite to eat, then went to see the movie "The Proposal". It is a very funny movie.( Funny enough I didn't mind seeing it a second time since I saw it Monday night with Terry & Greta!)
But the best part of the night for me was after the movie. Brian & I went to the truck to leave, but he told me to wait a minute.. he turned up the stereo & slow danced with me!
It was a song we used to dance to years ago. We had an agreement that whenever one of us played that song on our stereo we would stop what we were doing, meet in the living room & slow dance. The kids used to laugh at us & thought we were crazy!
So it wasn't so much a suprise that he remembered that, It was that he would do that in the middle of a parking lot. It earned him major brownie points! It wasn't an expensive evening, nothing fancy or flashy, but that few minutes in the parking lot are priceless to me!

Cali June 29 2009

Cali June 29 2009
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Cali has relaxed back into the household, obviously! She was sleeping on her back in this photo, which is a very relaxed, submissive way for a dog to sleep. She was calm & quiet the first couple days, now she is coming out of her shell & more like she used to be. We are trying to let her have free roam of the house. She has done very well so far. Other than trying to chew on the couch pillows while Brian was home with her last night! We are glad to have her back home!

6 Days at Disney!

Watching the Spectra Magic Parade
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Lots of pix added to the photo gallery..check them out! I didn't take my laptop so I was "offline" other than my phone. It was hot, hot, hot, but we had a good time. The twins were not so keen on riding anything they thought would be at all scary or too fast, so my limited ability to ride some of the rides wasn't such a bad thing. They averaged about half a day before they were done & ready to go back to the hotel & swim in the pool. We weren't on a set schedule, so whenever we all got up & got going worked out well. A couple things were closed, but there was still so much to do no one really noticed. We still have a day left on our passes, so I think we will wait for cooler weather to use it!

The Carousel

Have you ever ridden on a carousel? You pick the one you want to ride on, you climb aboard all excited. The ride starts, everyone is laughing & having fun. Then you notice that your horse isn't moving like the others, your horse is slower and isn't really going anywhere. You notice you aren't riding up & down as fast as everyone else. How can you all be on the same ride yet be going at such different speeds? The ride is still fun, but it isn't the same when you notice you aren't keeping up with everyone else. Most of the others on the ride don't even notice.
Or are you one of the other riders? The ones who are going along just fine, having fun & enjoying the ride, not noticing that someone else isn't keeping up, isn't having as much fun?
Life can be like that sometimes... whichever side of the carousel you are riding on.
And other times, it is what it is... just a ride.

Crazy Couple Days!

It has been a really crazy couple days! I have been running non-stop & am so worn out! Randy was in the hospital again.. he has alot going on, but they can't do any surgery to fix some of it until his infections are gone. he is so sick of being sick! He went home today so he can rest & get well before they decide what else they need to do. My brother Tommy came into town yesterday & should be going back to St. Pete tomorrow. I spent some time with him yesterday, then today I got some fairies like I have on my van for his van & put them on for him. He had wanted them & I was able to get them for him. He brought me an antique picture with an ornate cherry frame. It is of a mare & foal. I don't collect horse stuff, but will have to see if I can fit this in somewhere. It matches the office furniture..we'll see!

Brianne has a new dog at her house. A 6 month old Black Lab. She was one of the puppies born up at the stables where my horses are. A friend of mine got her, but they are moving into an apartment & couldn't keep her. She has settled right in at Brianne's like she has always been there. I may be getting Cali back next week. The woman who wanted her originally couldn't handle caring for her, there were some issues, so the woman who has Cali's sister has taken Cali in, but may not be able to keep her. I had hoped it was a good move for Cali, but it doesn't seem to be. It is so hard to trust that someone will love & care for a pet the way you would. We will see what happens next week.

Hunter has been at horse camp with Terri's nephew all week. He has a horse show tomorrow night. Mike spent the night over here Tuesday night, so Hunter is spending the night over there tonight. So it is just the twins & I. Brian has been working doubles all week so he can have next week off. We are going to spend the week at Disney with his brother & his family. There are special passes for the military right now, so with them having a timeshare, it is the only way we could afford to do something with the kids this summer. The kids are so excited. I am still pretty limited as to what physical stuff I can do, but am looking forward to some fun with the kids, & getting away from these walls for a few days! It will also be the only time Brian will be off & away from work to really enjoy being with us!

I have a to-do list that is getting longer & longer, so off I go to get something done!

Cavatini Supreme

1 1/2 lbs Ground Chuck
1/2 med-large onion, chopped
2 tblsp butter
1 tblsp Garlic Powder
1 tblsp Italian seasoning
Salt & Pepper to taste
1/2 cup sliced mushrooms
6 oz Pepperoni, sliced or chopped
1 32oz jar tomato sauce (your preference)
1 cup uncooked pasta twists
1 cup uncooked pasta shells
1 cup uncooked ziti pasta
8 ounces grated Mozzarella cheese

Saute onion in butter in large pan. Add ground beef, garlic powder, italian seasoning, salt, & pepper. Cook until done.
Drain off any excess fat.
Add mushrooms, & Pepperoni. Stir.
Add tomato sauce, stir well. Cook on low while you prepare pasta.

In large pot of salted, boiling water..add pasta twists & shells.
Cook for 2 minutes.
Add Ziti in with rest of pasta, cook all pasta for 9 minutes. Drain well.

Add Pasta to sauce mixture. stir well to combine all ingredients.
Place mixture in 13x9x2 baking dish.
Top with Mozzarella cheese.

Bake at 350 degrees for 20-30 minutes until hot & bubbly.

(Before baking you can freeze this recipe for future use. When you are ready to use it, thaw completely, bake uncovered 30-45 minutes)