Monday, June 30, 2008

Taking off..

Brian & I are taking a few days off. Off from work, off from kids, off from just about everything except each other. I am not sure if I will have internet access, and honestly, I am not sure I would bother with it anyway! We will be back on Thursday. Randy might be off the vent today. They had him breathing on his own through the night, so if all his levels and vitals are good he may be taken off the machine today. It's all good!

When I said I do

These times are troubled and these times are good
And they're always gonna be, they rise and they fall
We take 'em all the way that we should
Together you and me forsaking them all
Deep in the night and by the light of day
It always looks the same, true love always does
And here by your side, or a million miles away
Nothin's ever gonna change the way that I feel,
The way it is, is the way that it was
When I said I do, I meant that I will 'til the end of all time
Be faithful and true, devoted to you
That's what I had in mind when I said I do
Well this old world keeps changin', and the world stays the same
For all who came before, and it goes hand and hand
Only you and I can undo all that we became
That makes us so much more, than a woman and a man
And after everything that comes and goes around
Has only passed us by, here alone in our dreams
I know there's a lonely heart in every lost and found
But forever you and I will be the ones
Who found out what forever means
When I said I do, I meant that I will 'til the end of all time
Be faithful and true, devoted to you
That's what I had in mind when I said I do
Truer than true, you know that I'll always be there for you
That's what I had in mind, that's what I had in mind,
When I said I do
Tomorrow will be our 25th wedding anniversary. I would marry him all over again!

Saturday, June 28, 2008

A Silent Scream

Thanks, I feel better, just needed to get that off my chest!


It is part of evolution, nature's way, for there to be changes as generations pass from one to another. Some changes are good. Some seem to be not so good. There doesn't seem to be accountability, responsibility for things. There are exceptions, but they are not the majority.There seems to be a general attitude that someone else will pay for it/ fix it/ make it better. It seems there is no hesitation to use up someone else's time, spend someone else's dime.
And although they want you to fix the problem, they don't want to hear about it, nor do they want to have to contribute to the solution.
It is an "all about me" generation. We have raised them to be this way. I know an exception or two. Out of a field of about 40 young people I know personally. My own included. What will the following generation be like? It is a scary prospect indeed!

A long recovery..

Randy had open heart surgery on Wednesday. They did a triple bypass due to almost complete blockage of all his arteries. There is no telling how long he has had minimal blood flow. It explains him being sick and tired all the time. The Doctors explained that he would have the roughest time with recovery due to so many health issues. They have kept him sedated and on a ventilator since the surgery. They have been slowly weaning him off meds and letting him be less dependant on the vent so they hope to let him wake up sometime today, maybe tomorrow. It has been quite a rollercoaster and he has a very long way to go. It is a grueling process for him and for Greta too. I have been at the hospital alot and barely get to the computer, so bear with me. I will let you know what is going on as we go.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Catching up..

I was looking back over some blogs the past few months and realized I never updated a couple things, sorry!

Tristan is completely potty trained, About the beginning of May it finally clicked. He has done super.. no accidents!

Lenny did not have West Nile Virus. It took over 2 weeks for the test results to come back on that.. but he did have some unknown neurological virus that seems to be gone now. The treatments would have been the same. He does get a droopy bottom lip when he is tired. He may always have that now. He has a lump, seems to be just a hematoma, on his neck, that we will work on with massage and some DMSO. The ultrasounds show nothing there to worry about. So he is back to his old self again.

I think that catches things up.. if I have forgotten something, or have left you wondering.. let me know!

Kids say the darnedest things!

Have I told you about some of the kid's funniest phrases? They give me the giggles throughout my chaotic, crazy days.. here are a few.. I have no idea where most of these came from!

Tristan (when standing at the toilet to pee) "Fire in the hoooole!"

Tristan (when something suprises him) "Wow, I did not see that one coming!"

Hunter (when showing me an outdoor bowling set) "Look mom, they have the box open at this part for demonstration purposes."

Hunter (whenever you asked him almost any question when he was younger) "Not Today!"

Alexa (when you ask her to do something.. complete with pointed finger) "Just a minute, I be right back!"

Alexa (when telling on one of the boys) "Mom, you not gonna like this!"

There are more, I will have to blog them as they say them, or as I remember.. but those are the ones that popped into my head.

Okay, I debated sharing this one, because honestly, it makes my sweetie pie seem like a cad, but it really wasn't meant in a cad like way.. and he never does this in front of the kids, so here goes.
Yesterday morning Brian was telling the twins & I goodbye when he left for work. The kids were watching TV. (Hunter is away at Auntie Terri's all week for horse camp.) Brian reached over the back of the couch and as he kissed me goodbye he quickly groped caressed my breast. I guess it wasn't quick enough because Alexa saw him and said "He loooves you mom! He really loves you!" Just great.. at age 4 she already equates groping caressing with love! Then when we were getting ready to go out later, she thought I was staying home, so she hugs me, kisses me, grabs my breast and says I love you! Needless to say, I explained that she shouldn't do that, and that Papa hadn't meant to do that either. Oh, the lessons they learn by mistake!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Support & good wishes welcome!

Over the weekend Greta & I took our nephew, Justin, to Universal Studio's parks in Orlando. It was a very full, fun weekend. We got back Sunday evening. Monday night (Tues. am) at about 1:30 in the morning, Greta's husband Randy was rushed to the hospital. He has had a heart attack and they are still in the process of stabilizing him to do the heart catheter procedure they need to do to help him heal. He is having other complications that are holding off the procedure. Greta is with him throughout the day and evening, but they won't let anyone stay during the night. He is in the CCU, which is the Cardiac Care Unit at Shands Jacksonville. So say a prayer, burn a candle, whatever you do, any and all support and good wishes are welcome. I am busy doing what I can just to be there for them so I haven't been at the computer at all. I will update when there is news to tell. Hug the ones you love today, and maybe be a bit more tolerant with those you don't!

Friday, June 13, 2008

Have you ever heard the phrase..

..avoiding the ghost in the middle of the room? Or something like that.. I guess that is what I have been doing. I couldn't avoid Kierra's birthday on Monday. But I could avoid talking about it.
I can't avoid the feelings. I can't forget how much that day meant for all of her life, and the guilt that I dreaded that day coming. I dreaded the intensity of the emotions it brings. Time has not made it any easier.
We took Tristan & Alexa to the zoo. They fed the giraffes (pix in gallery) and played in the splash park. We made it as normal a day as we could. I can't say how we will deal with it next year. I don't know sometimes how I will deal with it today!
Brian & I put new flowers on the marker where she died. I have come to hate that place, that spot where she left us. I am glad the marker is there to remind the world of what happened and that her life ended there. Maybe it will make them think about their actions while driving, maybe not. I want the marker there. I just don't want to go there. I am filled with such anger and hatred when I go there. I can't make it a place where I can go to remember her, or talk to her. I do that wherever I am every moment of every day. I have things that bring me good thoughts and better memories than that place does.
I think, irrationally, I resent the reminder of where and how she died. As though I can pretend it didn't happen that way or happen at all. So I don't go there. When I drive by it I think I intentionally turn up the radio or think of something else, like a mental "to do" list to keep my mind occupied. I think I would do that wether the marker were there or not. It isn't the marker as much as it is the place where she died.
Grief rarely makes sense. It is a deep crevice and we always seem to teeter on the edge, we who are left behind to muddle through this life that has forever been altered. It is what it is. And we will get through it one day at a time. Because time keeps going, propelling us forward into whatever will come.
Every day I will embrace her, and her ghost, taking her with me wherever I go. But I know there will still be days ahead of me when I will avoid the ghost in the middle of the room, or at least talking about it, because those days it just hurts too much and I need to concentrate on teetering instead of falling. Thank you all for understanding, wether you truly do or not.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Alexa Sleeping 6.5.08

Alexa Sleeping 6.5.08
Originally uploaded by mommanana
This is how we found Alexa when we were checking on everyone before we went to bed. She hadn't wanted to go to bed, so she leaned her princess chair back against the bed and this is how she fell asleep. She looked so comfortable we hated to move her!

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Brianne & Justin 6-4-05

Brianne & Justin 6-4-05
Originally uploaded by mommanana
Happy Anniversary Baby!

Justin, the Graduate!

Justin, the Graduate!
Originally uploaded by mommanana
My nephew, Justin, graduated from high school last Friday in Illinois. He had a hard road to get there the last few weeks, but he did it!
Brian's niece, Savanna, graduates tonight in St. Pete. and his nephew, Chris, graduates tomorrow night in Niceville. We couldn't make it to any of the graduations, but we are proud of all of them. It isn't a small feat nowadays and we wish them all the best of everything in their future.

A Fair Tooth Fairy..

Hunter lost his first tooth last Wednesday. One of those "firsts" that we put on our path to growing up. I volunteered at his school yesterday and while I was having lunch with him and his classmates, we all discussed what rate the tooth fairy was giving out for first teeth. I was amazed. It ranged from $1-$20! Hunter was the $1. The rest got from $5 and up. Before I could come up with an explanation Hunter informed them that his teeth were very small, and that meant he had more teeth then them, so he would get more money for all of his than they did and the tooth fairy was trying to be fair. I tried not to laugh. They all seemed to think that made sense, so I left it alone. I sometimes wish I could have the imagination of a child. Things seem so much simpler through their eyes.