Friday, November 30, 2007
I had quite the converstaion with my therapist today.. yes I am seeing one.. don't get your hopes up, I have been seeing her for years now and am still an emotional mess!.. Imagine if I wasn't seeing her!!
Anywho, she said that my being morose and miserable wasn't really such a bad thing. I tend to tuck it all away and keep it controlled most of the time and right now my emotions are on overload and want out! So for those around when I spew... sorry! She also gave me homework.. to practice saying NO. I tend to agree to do whatever is asked of me and then I am overwhelmed. I think I will get a failing grade on that one, I have done it for years.
I did get alot of the Christmas stuff out and have done some decorating. I finished the mantel tonight. I will post a pic in the next day or so. A pearl of wisdom from the movie "What about Bob"... baby steps.. baby steps.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
Built Upon the Past.....Family Holidays
As the holidays approach, you may be preparing yourself to gather with family members you don’t usually spend time visiting. You may even feel that you are choosing to meet more from a sense of obligation than celebration. But when we trust that the universe always places us exactly where we need to be, we know that we have been placed in our families for some higher purpose. Your spirit may have chosen that particular group of souls to help you learn certain lessons, or to give you the experiences necessary to overcome specific challenges. And when we feel we’ve moved away from situations that don’t resemble us or the life we choose to live, it can seem frustrating to put ourselves back into an old scenario. But even a sense of obligation is a sign that you are still connected to the energy of your family, and for that alone it is worth investing yourself into making the most of any gathering.
Once surrounded by people from your past, you may find that you are feeling challenged by a sort of identity crisis. There is likely to be a gap between the person you know yourself to be now and how you are seen by those who knew you before. But you can call upon your inner strength to stand in your truth and simply be who you are without needing their approval or heeding any criticism. Then, you can offer them the gift you’d like to receive when you also allow them to be themselves. Being in situations that we might not choose for ourselves allows us to see ourselves in a new light. The contrast helps us to see our own strengths and weaknesses, and to learn to accept others for theirs.
Part of the magic of family is the way in which it bonds diverse people together, allowing them to function as a complete unit. Who we are today has been built upon our past. If nothing else, rejoining with the family and friends who knew us in our earlier days allows us to recall where we came from so that we can appreciate all that we’ve been given.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
I say I will get to bed early, but I know I won't. I am tired often, but this kind of tired is different. Chad says it is because when you break a bone it wears out your body to heal it. I don't remember being this exhausted when I broke my foot. My therapist said it could be depression. But I am often depressed and it isn't the same. So who knows, I figure I'll blame it on the time change!
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Alexa sees them and responds in the miniature maternal way girls talk to their dolls and babies of any kind.. "awwww baby froggy, you cute!" Tristan responds in the timeless language of boys.." Hah, froggy, cool, I want one!" I tell him he has hundreds, and they live outside. Although I have rescued numerous ones from inside the house, disposing quickly of the ones I find that didn't get rescued quick enough!
I am not up to the great Shore tadpole rescue we had a few years ago. Adding 30-40 tadpoles/frogs to the house is just too much to even consider! We will enjoy them while we have them around us and then we will remember them in pictures. As it is with all things precious to us..
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
Nov 10 2007 3:18 PM
To My Grouch,
Not a day goes by without thinking about you and missing you so much. The last time I would ever see you was two years ago today. I had worked the night before and was up because I had to go to a driver’s license hearing on a drunk driving arrest. You came by the house to borrow the vacuum to do some cleaning at your new apartment. You said one of the kids’ toys was stuck in your vacuum so it wasn’t working. I told you to go ahead. As you left, you said, “I love you Daddy!”. That was the last words I would ever hear you say and I cherish the sound of them as I replay that moment over and over in my mind.Lately I’ve had the last lines running through my mind from one country song you liked. It’s from “Don’t Take the Girl” by Tim Mcgraw. I’m sure you’d remember it, it goes: “Take the very breath you gave me. Take the heart from my chest. I’ll gladly take her place if you’ll let me. Make this my last request. Take me out of this world. God please don’t take the girl!” I wish over and over I could take your place so you could be here with your babies, Mom, Brianne, Chad, Hunter and everyone else that misses you as much as I do. All My Love and Hugs and Kisses, Daddy
Yes, I will mourn her tomorrow. I will mourn her and everything we lost on that day 2 years ago. But I will do it by taking a walk on the beach, maybe take her kids to the park. Maybe I will go see a movie..of course a scary one, those were her favorite! Because that is what I do often when I miss her, on all the days I am reminded that she was taken from me. So do what you want/need to do. Remember her however you feel will honor her in your memory and your heart. That is what I do every day.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Saturday, November 10, 2007
This is the option when you promised to go camping, but it is a Holiday weekend and you messed up your hand. Then you can't camp out in the back yard because it is going to be 48 degrees outside tonight. So we are camping in. Brian bought these for the kids last Christmas, this is the first time they've been out of the box. They came with their own sleeping bag, flashlight, & compass. Now it's time for hot chocolate & Marshmallows!
Click on pic for close ups of each one!
A bonus is that the hard cast will protect my hand when I go horse back riding.. did you actually think I wouldn't still do that?! The downside is.. I can't kayak, and it is a bear trying to wash dishes or shower! Everything is a trade off!
I used to be the one who kept quiet and worried about it all day, sometimes longer. After dealing with a sad situation that could have been prevented I decided not to be the quiet one anymore. I have addressed similar situations numerous times. Most are not pleasant conversations, yet suprisingly, some are. Either way, if I make that person stop and think even for a moment, or make them look up the dateline article on how dangerous the carseat issue is, then maybe it was worth a few minutes of uncomfortable conversation in a parking lot or store. Maybe it will make enough difference to change or save a life. I don't aproach them in anger, I aproach them like a friend I am worried about. I aproach them like the young, scared, uninformed mother I once was. You never know if they just needed someone to tell them where to go for help, or just needed to hear a friendly voice when everything else in their life is going terribly wrong. We tend to feel it isn't our place or our problem. I used to feel that way, and I missed out on the feeling of doing good, of making a difference, of touching just a little bit more of this earthly world I am living in. It far outweighs the nasty response you sometimes get and it far outweighs saying nothing at all. Another bonus, my 6 year old son notices others more and often points out someone in need, whether it is an elderly person who needs help or someone struggling to deal with their child. It isn't in a nosy way. It is with concern and compassion. What better way to teach than by example.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Emotions are high anyway, so this all just adds to the roller coaster. I have been walking the kids and Cali around our 1.1 mile block every day and letting them play at the playground to let off steam and get us all some fresh air. And that leads us to another adventure.. and another blog.......
Monday, November 05, 2007
1.) Got away with my daughter & my friend for the weekend ( a 2 for 1!).
2.) Stopped at the ranch on the way up (& back) and went horse back riding! (another 2 for 1!)
3.) Went to the mountains and saw fall foliage and felt cool, crisp air..very crisp, there was frost on the ground Sunday morning & our bathing suits froze!
4.) (explanation of the frozen suits..) Went into a hot tub outdoors in very cold weather, warmed up with the hot water and Asti!
5.) Got to go to the top of a mountain and see awesome beauty during my favorite time of year.
6.) Went shopping in a quaint little town, Helen...well duh! We were in the mountains, not Siberia!
7.) Got to stay in a rustic cabin complete with stone fireplace.
It was different to spend time in close qaurters with people I don't really know. The Jax Kayak group gets together locally, but not often for weekend trips. There are some I wish I had more time with and some, I wish not to! I am sooo spoiled by those I know & love! Thank you all!! As usual Terri, Bri, & I made our own fun and had a great time. I would like to visit there again. It would have been cool to kayak, maybe another time. They are having an awful drought and the water levels are too low. Oh!, & I learned a new Mantra.. you fill in the blank.. "Not my ____, Not my problem!" (ie; kid, family, credit card, husband, house, etc.) It works!