Cavatini Supreme

1 1/2 lbs Ground Chuck
1/2 med-large onion, chopped
2 tblsp butter
1 tblsp Garlic Powder
1 tblsp Italian seasoning
Salt & Pepper to taste
1/2 cup sliced mushrooms
6 oz Pepperoni, sliced or chopped
1 32oz jar tomato sauce (your preference)
1 cup uncooked pasta twists
1 cup uncooked pasta shells
1 cup uncooked ziti pasta
8 ounces grated Mozzarella cheese

Saute onion in butter in large pan. Add ground beef, garlic powder, italian seasoning, salt, & pepper. Cook until done.
Drain off any excess fat.
Add mushrooms, & Pepperoni. Stir.
Add tomato sauce, stir well. Cook on low while you prepare pasta.

In large pot of salted, boiling water..add pasta twists & shells.
Cook for 2 minutes.
Add Ziti in with rest of pasta, cook all pasta for 9 minutes. Drain well.

Add Pasta to sauce mixture. stir well to combine all ingredients.
Place mixture in 13x9x2 baking dish.
Top with Mozzarella cheese.

Bake at 350 degrees for 20-30 minutes until hot & bubbly.

(Before baking you can freeze this recipe for future use. When you are ready to use it, thaw completely, bake uncovered 30-45 minutes)

There are Times...

There are times I can sweetly dream,
& you are right here with me.
There are times I can wake at dawn,
& relive when your life left me.
**********************************
There are times I can see the sun,
& it pushes the dark away.
There are times I can feel happy,
& it keeps the grief at bay.
**********************************
There are times I can move on,
& live the life before me.

Then there are the times......I cannot.

mjs 6.12.09

All dressed up 6.9.09

All dressed up 6.9.09
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Alexa just had to have her hair curled for her Pre-K graduation Tues. night, also on her mother's birthday. More pix in the gallery. She was in my room while I was getting ready and said she HAD to have jewelry for her graduation, so please could she wear some of mine. I let her go through my earrings. I have dozens with all types of styles & designs..she zeroed in on the dragonfly earrings & then just had to wear the dolphin heart necklace. Kierra loved anything with Dragonflys, and the dolphin necklace was hers. It really caught me off gaurd. Of course I let her wear them! We are very proud of her too!

Mr. Pre-K Graduate 6.9.09

Tristan Grad 6 9 09
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Tristan had his Pre-K graduation Tuesday morning, June 9th. What would have been his mother's 28th birthday. It was a very bittersweet day. He was his usual self, constantly moving! There are other pix in the photo gallery. I am going to take tristan & Alexa for formal pix in their caps & gowns. we videotaped everything. I have a special part of the video to save for part of his high school graduation.. when he said his name he said "Tristan Jane-Marie Shore". I'm not sure he even realized he said Alexa's middle name instead of his, which is James. We are so proud of him!

I'll get through it..

I had a quiet, but long weekend. We didn't go anywhere & didn't really do anything. Brian worked all weekend, so it was just me & the kids. I think my mind is trying to get geared up for tomorrow. It would have been Kierra's 28th birthday. It is pre-school graduation for both Tristan (in the am) & Alexa (in the pm). So I have to put on my happy face & be around alot of people all day. I am so proud of them! I'll get through it. I have cried alot this morning, maybe subconciously I want to get it out of my system. I wish I could blame it on hormones, but I know this pain, I am familiar with the weight of my heart being crushed by it.
I know everyone means well.. It will get easier in time, She's in a better place, She would want you to get past it, move on... I get all that, thanks. The truth is, those are just words. There is no magic spell that can make this better. I know all that in my head, although I still don't buy the better place bit.. but my heart & my emotions sometimes have a will of their own. So I will surf the waves as they come, knowing I'll go under a time or two. Also knowing I'll come up for air, I'll get through it like I always do.

Bri & Brian 6-4-05

Bri & Brian 6-4-05
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Her wedding day! Happy Anniversary to Brianne & Justin. I love this pic. It comes in second to the one when Brian danced with her to "Baby Mine", which was also her ballet recital song when she was 4. Our baby girl, all married & grown up!

My foreign body..

The world keeps spinning, going round & round. I feel like I am trying to keep up, but having to do everything in slow motion just throws me further & further behind! It has only been 3 weeks, it has been 3 whole weeks, either way there are still more weeks to go for my recovery & my patience with this foreign body of mine is running thin! I am not in control & we all know that does not bode well!
My oldest sister, Robyn, will be here tomorrow for a few days. She insisted on coming to help. I appreciate that to some extent, but I really don't know what she can help with. I am up & doing & getting things done. I have been off pain meds a week now, other than running the vacuum cleaner, I am back to doing what needs to be done. She will go to Greta's on fri night & fly home Saturday. Good thing we have a community pool & she likes to sunbathe or there wouldn't be anything for her to do! We used to have a close relationship, but issues changed that a number of years ago when our biological father died. It has been repaired some, but will never be what it was. Of course, no matter who it is, I feel like things need to be in order when someone is coming to visit. It just takes me so much longer to do everything, it gets frustrating!
The incision has healed well, but my insides are still sore, & a ways from being back to normal. It is strange to be limited by my body. It isn't something I am used to at all. So I will keep counting the days, & weeks until I am healed & can figure out what normal is for me again!

Blast from the past..almost 30 years!

I "know" alot of people. There are alot of different levels of "knowing". I do my blog thing here, I joined Myspace more to help Kierra's friends keep up with things too. The last holdout for me was joining Facebook. I knew nothing about it & figured it was just another Myspace. I finally joined & am so addicted to it. I even have it on my phone! It is the closest thing to grown-up contact I can get on such a frequent basis. I live a busy life. The few friends & family we have near us are very busy too. That leaves me with alot of kid time. Which, at times can be a blast, but not 24/7.
I had several people from high school contact me on FB (Facebook for the unknowing). I knew them, or knew "of them". It is great to reconnect with people who I may have otherwise never come accross again. Today I found someone I truly "knew" from back then. I wasn't sure they would remember me, but they did. It was fun to reconnect with someone who I had a genuine connection with so long ago. I have very dear friends from almost 30 years ago that I keep in touch with & am lucky to have close to me now. How wild it would be to not talk to them since way back then & just out of the blue one day say, "Hey, do you remember me?" & have them respond "WOW, yes I do"? I think part of that is because to me, I was invisible back then. I was among the un-noticed.
It was so funny several years ago, the girls & I went to one of the reunions that invited a couple years worth of Alumni, I think it was the 20th. Because I knew who all the popular people were (but never really "knew" them in school) & I am now fairly outgoing..haha.. they all thought I was someone significant. It was a blast. We are all grown up, in different worlds, but you put us all in a room & we tend to revert to who we were back then, or who we thought we were. We had a great time & I look forward to the next reunion. I think Brian's 30th should be this year, but we haven't heard anything about it. I'll have to check into it.
Anywho, this world is smaller than we think it is, & if we keep our eyes open, there's no telling what we'll see!

Chicken Cheese Lasagna

This is dinner for tonight. I just have to get motivated & get it made! Just like traditional lasagna, it is even better the next day!

CHICKEN-CHEESE LASAGNA

8 oz. lasagna, uncooked (about 9 or 10 noodles,)
2 c. cooked chicken, chopped
2 c. chicken broth
2 c. milk
1/2 c. flour
2 c. (16 oz.) Mozzarella cheese
1 c. grated Parmesan cheese
2 c. (16 oz.) cottage cheese (I use Ricotta Cheese)
2 (10 oz.) pkg. chopped spinach, thawed and drained
1 med. onion, chopped (approximately 1/2 c.)
2 cloves garlic, crushed (I use garlic powder)
1/2 c. butter
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
1 tsp. dried basil
1/2 tsp. oregano

Melt butter in saucepan, add flour, garlic, salt. Cook, stirring constantly until bubbly. Remove from heat. Add milk and chicken broth. Heat to boiling, stirring constantly, about 1 minute. Add onion, basil, oregano, pepper, 1/2 cup Parmesan cheese, Mozzarella cheese, stirring until cheese melts.

In ungreased 9x13x2 inch rectangular pan, pour 1/4 of cheese sauce (approximately 1 1/2 cup). Layer 3 or 4 lasagna noodles, overlapping if necessary. Spread 1 cup of cottage cheese over noodles, 1/4 of cheese sauce, 3 or 4 noodles, 1 cup cottage cheese, chopped spinach, chopped chicken, 1/4 cheese sauce, 3 or 4 noodles, remaining cheese sauce, sprinkle 1/2 cup Parmesan cheese on top. (I also top with Mozzarella.) Bake in 350 degree oven about 35-40 minutes.

It only hurts when I laugh!

*I had a huge debate w/ Hunter about "Double Dog Dares" & wether you HAVE to do them. After this intense discussion where he kept defending that you HAVE to do double dog dares, & I insisted you don't...he explained that was why he made his milk explode at lunch yesterday! ( I really had to work at not laughing! What he did was not funny, well, kind of, but the whole debate beforehand to help cover his own butt was!) I hope I convinced him to be his own person, that he can, & should, say NO when others try to get him to do something that he knows is wrong, or unsafe, or he just doesn't want to do. It is so hard to impress upon kids that what others think is not so important. Even at just 8 years old, he is influenced by the kids he spends his school day with. It is very important to him to be liked. I tried to reassure him & let him know, it is usually the kids who won't really be a good friend that try to get you to do things they know are wrong, or will get you into trouble. I wonder if it is a futile battle. But I will keep trying!
*Alexa caught Brian & I both by suprise last night. He walked in the door & before anyone else could say anything she ran up to him & said "Dad, we need to talk!" I was in the other room & couldn't help but laugh at how serious she sounded. I had no clue what was so important. He asked her to wait for him to get changed. The instant he came out of our room she was ready & waiting.... to tattle about something one of the boys had done! It had already been handled. She was just looking for some extra support & sympathy. Being Brian's Princess she thought he would defend her. He handled it well, but was thrilled I think that she thinks so much of him. I am so concerned how he will handle her manipulations when she is a teenager!
*We have been waiting for the Night at The Museum 2 movie to come out. The kids loved the previews & we have the first movie on DVD. Brian was off Monday so we met bri, Justin & some of his family at the theatre to see it. Tristan was sitting next to me. I almost choked on my popcorn when he quoted one of the lines that "The Thinker" sculpture says. He flexed his muscles & said "Boom, Boom, Firepowa". It was so funny because he said it when he saw the sculpture in the background of a scene..before the actual scene when he says it. He did it complete with accent..it was hilarious! He can be quite the mimic when he likes something. He picked up a word from the bobblehead Einsteins in the movie too, but I can't remember it. It is a long word, but it escapes me! I will post a note on here when I remember. (it wasn't Dumekopf)
(it was Vundeba!)
Now he is waiting for the movie "UP" because he likes Doug the Dog from the previews..I should make a DVD of kids movie previews & sell it as entertainment!

Dog Treat Recipes

My dog guru sis-in-law, Lisa sent me these for my lil sis Cricket to make for her new dog. I posted it on facebook & forgot to post it here!

DOG BISCUITS
Recipe #1
2 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
1/2 cup powdered dry milk
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
6 tbs. margarine or shortening
1 beaten egg
1 tsp. brown sugar
1/2 cup ice water
Preheat oven to 350F.

Combine flour, dry milk, and sugar. Mix in margarine or shortening until mixture resembles cornmeal. Mix in egg. Add enough cold water so that the mixture forms a ball. Pat out dough 1/2" thick on an oiled cookie sheet. Cut with doggie biscuit cutter and remove scraps. Pat out scraps and cut with biscuit cutter as before. Bake for 25-30 minutes.

Recipe #2
2 cups whole wheat flour
1/2 cup yellow cornmeal
1 tsp. garlic powder
1/4 cup grated Romano cheese
1 egg
1/2 cup plus 1 tsp. corn oil
1/2 cup chicken broth

Preheat oven to 350F.
Blend flour, cornmeal, garlic and cheese. In a small bowl beat egg with 1/4-cup oil and broth (use rest of oil to oil cookie sheet). Blend liquids into the dry ingredients with a fork. On an unfloured board work dough just enough to form a ball. Roll to 1/3" thickness. Cut biscuits and place on an oiled cookie sheet. Bake for 30 minutes.

Ham & Green Noodle Bake

Ham & Green Noodle Bake

1 Medium Onion, chopped (about 1/2 cup)
2 tblsp Margarine or Butter
2 Tblsp Flour
1/2 tsp Salt
1/4 tsp Pepper
1/4 tsp Dry Mustard
1 3/4 cups Milk
2 cups cut-up, fully cooked, Ham
1/2 cup shredded Swiss Cheese (about 2 ounces)
4 ounces uncooked Spinach Egg Noodles
2 tblsp Grated Parmesan Cheese
Garnish; (optional)
Twist of Lemon
Celery Leaves

Preheat Oven to 375 degrees.
Cook & stir onion in Margarine, (or butter), until tender.
Blend in flour, salt, pepper, & dry mustard.
Heat over low heat, stirring constantly, until bubbly; remove from heat.
Add milk; heat to boiling, stirring constantly.
Boil & stir 1 minute, then stir in ham & swiss cheese.

Cook noodles as directed on package; drain.
Alternate layers of noodles & sauce mixture in ungreased, 1 1/2 qt casserole dish, then sprinkle with parmesan cheese. *(I just mix it all together & use a 13x9x2 baking dish.)
Bake, uncovered, until bubbly & light brown, about 20 minutes.
Garnish with a twist of lemon & celery leaves if desired.
Makes 6 servings. About 260 calories per serving.


Had this in the freezer, made ahead. Thawed it out & dinner is done! One of Brian's favorites!

A long road..

Tha past 10 days have gone by in a kind of blur. One day seems pretty much the same as the day before. I have tons of nothing to do. I miss the kids, I miss driving, I miss sleeping in any position I want, I miss being able to do the simplest of tasks. And I have 4-5 more weeks to go! Even then, I will still be on restrictions, but alot of the daily tasks will be off the list. I am getting stronger day by day. Just taking a shower can wipe me out for a couple hours. I am trying to pace myself, but it is hard. I couldn't believe just cutting up some chicken put me in pain the other day. So I am being more careful. It is a long road, but I am walking it one step at a time!

Lobster, Crab, or Shrimp Bisque

From Paula Deen's The Lady & Son's Cookbook

I thought making bisque was going to be a big deal, one of those fussy recipes that takes alot of time. This was so easy & so very good! Brian likes texture to his soups so I didn't blend it at the end like she suggests. Sure to be a real crowd pleaser! Thanks to Brianne for bringing me fresh lobster from her trip to Maine. It doesn't make up for me not being able to go, but it sure makes being housebound easier to bear when there is Lobster Bisque to eat!

8 ounces of cooked crab, shrimp, or lobster meat
2 Tablespoons sherry, plus extra to taste
Pinch of thyme (I used dry, did fine)
3-4 green onions with tops, chopped
2 Tablespoons butter
One 10.5 oz can condensed tomato soup
1 soup can measure of milk
One 10.5 oz can condensed cream of mushroom soup
1 soup can measure of heavy cream
Chopped fresh parsley for garnish (optional)

Finely chop crab, shrimp, or lobster meat & marinate for 30 minutes in 2 tablespoons of Sherry & the pinch of thyme. Saute' the onions in 2 tablespoons butter until soft. Add the crab, shrimp, or lobster meat & cook over low heat for 3-5 minutes. In a seperate bowl, combine tomato soup with 1 soup can measure of milk, then blend in cream of mushroom soup & 1 soup can measure of heavy cream. Add the combined soup mixture to the saute' of onions & crab, shrimp, or lobster meat. Stir well, simmer for 3-5 minutes on low heat. Add more sherry to personal preference. (I didn't find it needed more for our taste.) Cool, then mix in blender until thick & smooth. To serve, reheat in double boiler. Garnish with fresh parsley & serve.
(I don't have a double boiler. I used a non-stick pan on very low heat to reheat & it was fine.)
Enjoy!

Home

I came home last night. Settling in today. Trying to rest, eat right, & drink lots of fluids. Very limited on what I can do, walking is enough exertion for me right now. I am not a huge pain pill person. I am taking one rather than the 2 they say I can take. It usually makes me feel loopy & sick if I take 2, so one works for now. They ended up having to do the full open abdominal procedure which is more painful & more restrictive recovery. It is what it is, at least it is over & I am on the mend.
Lisa Spradlin came by to visit & check on me today. It was good to see her. Terri & Dwight brought the kids over. It was really good to see them & get some hugs. Dwight rescued an earring I dropped down my sink drain this morning, & he tried to set up a camera & skype on my laptop so I can communicate with the kids more while they are at their house. Have to find the driver for the camera. I hadn't thought of that, great idea!
Had to go online & handle some paperwork for my horses so thought I would update here real quick as well. I get tired so easy, & the pain can come on strong when I sit up for too long. I am not superwoman, & trust me, I do not want to prolong this recovery at all! I will keep in touch when I can. Thanks for all your thoughts & prayers. ttfn

Surgery & Recovery..

I will be having a total abdominal hysterectomy today at 2:30. They are doing the open abdominal method instead of a laparoscopic method so I will be in the hospital a bit longer & my recovery will be a bit more restricted & extended than I had originally planned. But it is what it is so onward we go!
If all goes well, & I am sure it will, I should come home from the hospital on Thursday afternoon. I will try to keep in touch with everyone in the next day or so, depending on how I feel. I will have plenty of time to blog during my recovery, so I will catch up on things then.

Fun in the Sun

Today Brian & I took the kids to the Fernandina Shrimp Festival. We used to go as a family with the older 3 kids & then with Hunter when he came along.We haven't been able to climb over the hurdle of grief since Kierra died to all go together. I think Bri & I came last year. So this was a big step for Brian to go. It was a good day. As with everything we do with the kids that we used to do with the older ones, it was different, and we are different too. And sometimes that can be a good thing. It helps us make new memories, it helps soothe the pain that can come when we are reminded of what we have lost.
Memories like these;
Tristan gave us a new word..Whisbee. That is his version of frisbee. Even when we told him the correct way to say it, he stuck with Whisbee!
Alexa tends to be "in charge". When we were driving home she was heard saying "Boys, I am talking now, boys..I am talking!" (I thought for a moment she was channeling her mother!)
So it was a great day! And to finish it off I am going to see Wicked (the musical) with Brianne tonight. It is my un-mother's day gift from her. More memories to make!

Seeing Both Sides..

I talk alot about parenting, mostly because that is the focus of my life right now.. again.. still. But I have not always been a parent. Some younger people may think I don't know what it is like to have parents who don't understand. I do not speak of what I do not know.
I worked & went to school. I didn't do much else & didn't have a car. But I did have a boyfriend, one they didn't approve of. Most parents don't approve of anyone when their daughter is only 16 years old! I babysat my younger brother & sister because both my parents worked full time. I did the majority of house chores for the same reason. By the way.. we did not have a dishwasher, were not allowed to use the dryer..so everything got hung on a clothesline, and although we lived in central Florida, we did not have central air conditioning. I was not allowed to have anyone over & I was not allowed to go to anyone else's house. Life was not fun & it was not easy. I moved out of my parent's house on my 17th birthday while they were at work. I left after several weeks of constant conflict & ultimatums.
It wasn't much more fun or any easier when I left their home & moved in with my boyfriend. I thought it would be, I thought I had all the answers. I had alot of hard lessons to learn & did not have my parents help or support to learn them. I didn't speak to them for several months. It changed our relationship forever.
I may not always agree with how my parents did things, or sometimes how they do things still. But they did the best they could with what they had. I always said I would never have so many kids. My mother had 7. I will have raised 6 including the twins. Never say never!
I love my parents, I am who I am because of them, good, bad & indifferent. All the parts of my life have molded me into the person I am today. Even the bad parts. I see things from a different perspective than I did on my 17th birthday. I thought alot about my struggles back then when I was making decisions about my children during the difficult teenage years. I could have shyed from what I felt we needed to do because I didn't want my children to suffer or struggle. But they had a part in those choices as well.
Life is a constant struggle, wether we are thriving or just surviving. I have 3 more children to raise up through those teenage years. Every child has been different, and I know these 3 will have their own challenges & obstacles to get through. I am not sure what those years will be like. I do know I will do the best I can for them, and for us. Whatever may come.

Have an umbrella handy..

I have been hunting through old posts, (there are 852 of them!) thinking I could just repost something I had already written. But none of them said quite the same thing as I wanted to say. It was good to read back over some, emotional to read back over others. I just put in search blog for things like "choices", "respect", etc. to see what was there.
I had a discussion recently about the choices I made with Kierra when we were going through some rough times with her. At one point we had to make the choice to have her move out. Yes, "had to". She was 18, in her senior year of high school. We had several discussions with her about house rules & her behavior. She chose to continue to break those rules & disrespect us. I had 2 other younger teenagers watching & learning from her and had to decide to give in & let them all run rampant, or give her the final choice to shape up or ship out. She chose the choice which resulted in her having to move out. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. It broke my heart. I was asked if I regretted that or felt guilty. I wish it hadn't been necessary. But I honestly believe we would have lost her sooner if that hadn't happened. She was on a destructive path & there was nothing else we could do that would have stopped her. It took her years to get herself to a responsible point in her life. But I was proud of her choices as she got older. Not all of them , but most of them. I am proud of her choices with the twins. Both having them & wanting to make a better life for them.
That wasn't the only time we had to make a difficult choice with Kierra as a parent. I believe those choices also made a big difference with Brianne & Chad as they got older. All choices have a domino effect, both good & bad ones. Parenting is one of the most difficult things you will ever do. It doesn't always allow us to be their friends. It sometimes breaks our hearts to do what is best for them.
The rewards aren't always what we expected or wanted them to be. Most days it can be the hardest thing we have ever done. But some days it feeds our soul, it brings light to a heart that is heavy with darkness. Some days it gives us a reason to get out of bed, (yes, some days it makes us not want to get out of bed either!)But it gives us a reason to breathe our next breath.
No one ever said it would be easy. No one ever gave us a hand book on how to raise the perfect child & be the perfect parent. So we take it one day at a time, one breath at a time, one step at a time. The important thing is..keep breathing, keep walking forward, keep going, there is light at the end of that tunnel, there is light in that life you created. Even if it looks dark today, there is light in there somewhere, and at some point it will shine. Just have an umbrella handy for the rainy days when it feels like it is pouring down all around you!

New surgery date.

May 11th at 2:20 pm. I got a med list straight from the hospital & have stopped the meds they want stopped. I have new presurgical appts. with all my docs.(although that doesn't seem to do much good since I did that last week & they forgot to take me off those meds!!) So I will get things ready again and we'll see how it all goes between now & then!

surgery cancelled for 2 weeks

It has been a crazy week with field trips, school projects & getting ready for my surgery. Then Friday afternoon I found out my surgery has to be cancelled & rescheduled for 2 weeks form now. I have meds that I should have stopped taking 2 weeks prior to surgery, but no one told me. So now I have to reschedule the whole thing. They will let me know tomorrow when the new surgery date is. I am glad the anesthesiologist caught it, he actually refused to do the surgery until I had been off the meds for 2 weeks. I understand why, just am major mad that neither my specialist or my primary Dr.s caught it & have wasted my time. I will update ya'll as I know what is going on. Just more chaos to add to the mix! Same stuff different day.

Game Basket for Hunter's Class

Game Basket for Hunter's Class
Originally uploaded by mommanana

This is one of two baskets I have been working on for the boy's school. I am room Mom for each class & no one else offered. I did get a Mom from Tristan's class who is helping me with his. We will finish that one up tomorrow. It is a much bigger "basket"! I am glad it is just about done! I can't imagine how crazy it will be next year with all 3 kids attending the same school!!

The Karate Kids 4.20.09

The Karate Kids 4.20.09
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Alexa has decided to do Karate instead of dance. I figured she would. She earned her white belt by the end of her first class! The boys better watch out, she may get her black belt before they do!

Baskets, a break, & crazy coincidence..

Hunter & Tristan's school is having a BBQ/Basket Auction. Actually they changed it to a Basket Raffle. There are baskets filled with everything from Coffee to gardening stuff (they fill up a wheelbarrow!). Tristan's class is doing Camping & Hunter's is Family Game Night. Thankfully another Mom is helping me with Tristan's so I don't have to do everything for both! I have been busy gathering all the stuff and putting the basket together this morning. I ended up using a laundry basket for the games because the storage bin I got is too small. The school receptionist saved us on that one because I only got 2 parents who donated from the class. Pam bought & donated 6 board games, & I picked up a bunch of stuff too. We are using a cooler on wheels for the Camping stuff, it is going to be awesome! We had alot of participation from the parents for that one.
I decided to take a break, eat a popsicle, & put my feet up for a few minutes. I flipped on the TV & guess what was on? That movie Dragonfly that was also on in the wee hours of this morning. The one I just blogged about in my last post. I am not watching it again. It was at the same spot in the movie as when I turned it on last night. Crazy coincidence, huh?

Dragonflies..

There are many times I don't sleep at night, like now, when all is quiet & my mind & body won't let me rest. I find quiet things to do. Tonight, after I cleaned the kitchen from a major cooking marathon today, I did a couple Sudoku puzzles, got the kid's backpacks ready for tomorrow, filled out some pre-registration forms for the boy's school term in the fall, filled out a field trip form, updated my calendar, & posted some pix to my photo gallery. During all this I occasionally flip through channels on the TV to see what is on. In the wee hours of this morning I found a movie that I have seen many, many times. It seems to be on often in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. It is the movie "Dragonfly" with Kevin Costner. It is about his wife dying in an accident in a foreign country working for the Red Cross. He thinks he is getting messages from her. (there is more to it than that, but this is the condensed version) In the end he travels to where she died and ends up in a remote village cut off from civilization. The natives tell him they knew his wife when she was alive. They couldn't save her body, but they saved her soul. They take him into a hut and there he finds his baby girl who was born premature and somehow survived. One of the main "signs" he kept getting from his wife was a dragonfly. The baby had a birthmark shaped like a dragonfly. It is one of those sad movies with a happy ending.
Of course it reminds me of Kie. She loved Dragonflies. They always remind me of her. I do believe there are "signs" of different sorts if we are open to it & pay attention. Not quite as extreme as in the movie, but I do believe. I like the idea that the baby is her soul. I like to think a part of Kie's soul is in each of her children. There are alot of little, subtle things I like to think are Kie saying hello. They may not be, but it works for me.
I have mentioned before about Mada's song, "I can only Imagine" coming on the radio several times on every station I changed it to on the day Kierra died. I don't hear it often, but when I do, I think of Mada. (I know this will be TMI, but there is a point to it!) The other night I was waiting for Brian to come home. I lit candles, put on something new & silky, turned on the radio to the easy listening station and lay there waiting. Mada's song is a religious song, it does not usually come on the stations I listen to. It came on while I was laying there & I immediately thought.."Mada, just like my kids, you have poor timing to interrupt my mood, & you're too young to know about this anyway!" Then I realized she would have been 21 years old on April 16th. She passed when she was 15. I tend to forget she would have been old enough to know quite a bit, & would have probably taught us a thing or two! She would have probably thought it funny that at my age I was waiting for my husband with all the trappings set up for him. I enjoyed those moments "with" her and the image it gave me of the young woman she would have become. Then I told her it was time for Brian to come home, she needed to go visit someone else!
Was it a "sign"? However you think of it, it was a connection for me to her, and my thoughts & memories of her. It is the same with the things that remind me of Kierra. Not just when I choose to think of her, but whenever I get any type of "sign" or "message" that gets my attention. Like Dragonflies..

alexa with her rose bush 4.18.09

alexa with her rose bush 4.18.09
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Alexa got to spend the night at Greta's Friday night. Then they went shopping for flowers to plant. Alexa picked this purple rose bush. Those were Kierra's favorite. She had a blast planting flowers with her Nana. Greta even got her Dora gardening gloves and tools. She's not spoiled at all is she?!
I also posted the boy's Spring School pix onthe photo gallery, so as usual, click on this pic to go to the gallery and check them out!

Time keeps on ticking..

Time flies by & I can't keep up! Between the boy's karate classes, a major project for each of the boy's classes, preparing for my surgery on the 28th, & all the day to day stuff..I am running non-stop! Of course, as Savannah says.."that's how I roll"..LOL. I am trying to keep up with the lingo so I am not considered totally archaic when the kids hit the teen years! Which, the way life speeds by, will be any day now!
I keep reminding myself that getting through the next 6-8 weeks will get me healthier than I have been in years. My Dr. says alot of the health issues that have plagued me for years can be tracked back to these tumors and the anemia. It makes sense, I just can't imagine being rid of all the ailments that the Dr.s couldn't seem to resolve for me before. A hysterectomy is major surgery, I get that. But I am not nervous or worried about it. I am relieved to finally have answers and an end in sight. I have had many surgeries, so I guess that takes away some of the fear factor for me. I am not concerned about the surgery itself, I am not looking forward to how badly I react to anesthesia. I have an appt. with the anesthesiologist before the day of sx to see what can be done to alleviate some of my bad reactions. Knowing myself, I have to say I am worried about complying to all the restrictions I will have during the 6-8 week recovery process.
My head accepts that it isn't the actual surgery I will be recovering from, it is the gaping hole in my body where my organs have to resettle & support each other since my uterus won't be there to do the job. My mind knows the importance of that. My mind understands how important it is.
My mind also knows how crazy it will drive me that I can't even push the vaccum cleaner for 6 weeks. Some of you are thinking..Vaccum? how strenuous is that? I thought the same thing. Then my Doc had me tighten & hold in my stomach muscles the entire time while vaccuming. Then release those muscles when done. I never knew how much you use your abdominal muscles to vaccum! The same with lifting & carrying any amount of clothes in a laundry basket. Those are such trivial tasks to me. I have to keep reminding myself that doing this right will directly affect how completely I recover and what my general health will be when all is said & done.
I am supposed to be on limited activity now. I have not been horse back riding or kayaking. I have not been taking walks or running any marathons. That is about as limited as I can get. In a fantasy world I would have someone else to clean house, do laundry, taxi the kids to school, karate, appts., cook, etc. In my world it is usually a one woman show. I have wonderful friends & family who help when they can. I have a husband who works way too much and tries to do what he can when he is home. But the reality of it is.. I am it. And that's okay. I am not complaining. I am trying to convince myself that I can change all that for 6-8 weeks. See..doesn't sound so easy does it? I will do what I have to do to recover the best way possible. I will remove the vaccum cleaner from the house if I have to (and I might!).
That is the part I worry about. Not being in the hospital, not the actual surgery, not the pain. I worry about not being able to do what I've always done, what needs to be done. I worry that I will screw up my recovery and cause complications. The control freak that I am is having a hard time accepting that I will not have control of everything around me, I will have to control myself. As those who love me can attest..I do not do that well!
It will be interesting to see if this changes me long term. If this makes me different somehow. It takes 21 days to create a habit. 21 times of repeating something for it to stick. So what will I change about myself in 42-56 days? Just the idea of it already gives me way too much time to think!

Alexa Easter 4.12.09

Alexa Easter 4.12.09
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Tristan Easter 4.12.09

Tristan Easter 4.12.09
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Hunter Easter 4.12.09

Hunter Easter 4.12.09
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Easter Morning 4.12.09

Easter Morning 4.12.09
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Hoppy Easter!

Kierra Easter morning 1983 22mo.
Originally uploaded by mommanana

I finished loading up the kid's baskets and could not sleep. I went through our photo albums and came across some Old Easter Photos I thought you would all enjoy. There are more in the photo gallery, so click on this pic, or the link on the right side bar to get there.
I have filled alot of baskets over the years. We have celebrated all over the country and as far away as England. We have been fortunate to spend some of those Easters with precious friends and family along the way.
I look back at the Easter when this photo was taken and never imagined I would ever celebrate an Easter without her. In a few hours her children will wake up and rush to see what the Easter Bunny brought them. I never imagined I would be the one filling their baskets.
I look at the other photos I posted and can't believe Brianne will open her basket (yes I made her one!) in her own home with her husband of almost 4 years. I can't believe Chad is on the other side of the country & I wonder if he got his basket full of candy I sent him in time for Easter morning. It doesn't matter how old or how grown they get, I always fill their baskets too.
It won't be the same today. Not just because Kie isn't here. Brianne is at her house, I will take the kids to her to go to church. Brian has to work all day and has to leave early this morning. Chad will still be fast asleep being 3 hours behind and on his own now too.
Terry Moore is coming up, she should be here by early afternoon. I am looking forward to her visit. (I even made her a basket too!) We are having dinner at Terri & Dwight's. Bri, Justin, & the kids will meet us there.
It will be a good day, just different.
Now, not then.
Here, not there.
just different.

Having Surgery Soon

I have had health issues for quite some time..nothing real major, just this & that, always something out of whack. Usually it was blamed on my weight. Since Aug. 28th I have lost a little over 45 lbs. The health issues persisted, so they finally started looking into what was going on. I am now having surgery on April 28th. I have female issues, fibroid tumors, which are quite common, along with a bunch of cysts which are common as well. The combination of those, along with a 3rd tumor on the outside of my uterus, caused some major blood loss & anemia. They did biopsies and they all came back clear & okay, so that is a relief. I will be in much better shape after the Hysterectomy on the 28th. There is a long recovery period, but I am looking forward to the end result of being healthier than I have been in a long time.

Karate Boys 4.8.09

Karate Boys 4.8.09
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Hunter used to take Karate classes. When we were in the midst of moving it got set aside. We had prepaid for Hunter to be in the black belt program, which is a longer, more detailed training program. I stopped by with the boys the other day to see what we needed to do to get Hunter back in the program. His instructor said he would reinstate the program, giving us back the credit for the 2 years he has been out. He also offered to add Tristan to the program free of charge because they are offering a 2 for 1 deal right now and would make it part of the reinstatement. We could not have afforded it otherwise, so it is such an awesome thing for him to do that for us. Alot of Hunter's gear still fits him and the things that don't, fit Tristan. We need to get some additional gear for the stuff they can't share, but they have started and love it! Tristan seems to catch on fast, & Hunter is remembering most of it. Hunter had just earned his Camouflage belt when he stopped, so he will start back at that level. Tristan is starting on his white belt, which he should have presented at the next class. Now I have to see about dance or gymnastic classes for Alexa!

Ashley, Jon, and the kids 4.4.09

Ashley, Jon, and the kids 4.4.09
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Our Niece, Ashley, & her boyfriend, Jon came to visit over the weekend. We had such a good time. She goes to college in orlando. They really handled the kids well.. she will make a great teacher!

Cheeseburger Meat Loaf

*A Paula Deen, Lady & Sons recipe. A real crowd pleaser. I sometimes omit the onion & bell pepper & add some onion powder if I am feeding picky eaters, comes out great either way. I also use "Morton Nature's Seasoning" in place of the House Seasoning listed in the recipe. There is also a sauce to go with it, (recipe below) but it is just as good without it. Serves 6-8.

INGREDIENTS
2 lbs Ground Beef (I use about a lb beef, and a lb pork)
2 tsp House Seasoning (recipe below)
1 medium onion, chopped
1 medium bell pepper, chopped
1 cup grated Cheddar Cheese
1/4 cup Worcestershire Sauce
1 cup Sour Cream
1 cup crushed Ritz Crackers
1 teaspoon Lawry's seasoned Salt
8-10 slices of bread (I use 8 when I make a square loaf)

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Mix all ingredients except bread slices. Shape into loaf. Use baking pan, not a loaf pan. Line pan with bread slices, place meat loaf on top. Bake loaf for 45-60 minutes. (I cook it for the full hour and it is done all the way through.) The bread absorbs any grease and should be discarded after loaf is removed from the oven.

SAUCE
One 10 3/4 oz can Cream of Mushroom Soup
1 soup can measure of milk
1 1/2 cups grated Cheddar Cheese

Heat soup & Milk over medium heat; add cheese. Pour over meat loaf, or pass at the table.

* House Seasoning Recipe (makes quite a bit & is great in anything)
1 cup Salt, 1/4 cup Black Pepper, 1/4 cup Garlic Powder. Mix together well. Store in a shaker container near the stove for convenience.

Turkey & Stuffing Meatloaf

First the original recipe, then I will give you my shortcut version.
This makes a very large meatloaf, or you could divide into 2 loaves and freeze one.
**My sister, Cricket made this and said it would be good with a tarter apple (Granny Smith) and some shredded carrots.. great idea sis!

INGREDIENTS
2 McIntosh or Gala apples, peeled and cut into small dice
1 tablespoon lemon juice
2 pounds ground all-white-meat turkey or a mix of dark and white meat
3-4 ribs of celery, finely chopped
1 medium onion, finely chopped
1 tablespoon poultry seasoning
1 large egg
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
2 cups chicken stock
2 cups stuffing mix
1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil (EVOO)

PREPARATION
Pre-heat the oven to 400ºF.In a large bowl, add the apples and lemon juice and toss together. Add the turkey, celery, onion, poultry seasoning, egg, salt and freshly ground black pepper.In a medium size bowl, add the stock and the stuffing. Toss around, letting the stuffing soak up the liquid, then add it to the bowl with the turkey. Mix everything together well, then turn it out onto a parchment paper-lined (or wax paper) baking sheet and shape it into a loaf. Coat with EVOO, transfer to the oven and roast until brown and cooked through, about an hour.

CIDER GRAVY
4 tablespoons butter
4 tablespoons flour
2 cups apple cider
2 cups chicken stock
Salt and ground black pepper

Preparation
In a skillet over medium-high heat, melt the butter. Stir in the flour, cook 1 minute then whisk in the cider and stock. Let thicken, season with salt and pepper, then serve.



yesterday I was in the mood to make this, but not to run to the store.. so this is the short-cut version I made instead..it was really good!

SHORTCUT TURKEY & STUFFING MEATLOAF

2 lbs ground turkey
1 box stove top stuffing
2 cups chicken stock (heated til it just about boils)
1 large egg
1 handful craisins (Dried Cranberries)

Empty stove top stuffing into a mixing bowl. Add hot chickem stock, mix, then let sit until all liquid is absorbed. (Just a couple minutes) Then add ground turkey, craisins, and 1 large egg. Mix well, clean hands work best. Shape into 1 large loaf or 2 loaves. Cook in 400 degree preheated oven on a paper lined baking sheet (parchment or wax paper). Bake for 1 hour. I served it with roasted turkey gravy.

I also made "loaded mashed potatoes" w/ sour cream, grated cheese, & bacon bits. A major "comfort food" meal.

Born Again American by Keith Carradine

Awesome video..great cause..check it out..words listed below

www.bornagainamerican.org

Just a workin’ man without a job
It got shipped off to China via Washington, D.C.
And I know I’m nothin’ special, there are plenty more like me
Just the sameI thought I knew the rules of the game

I stood up for this country that I love
I came back from the desert to a wife and kids to feed
I’m not sayin’ Uncle Sam should give me what I need
My offer standsI’ll pull my weight you give me half a chance

I went up to a congressman and said to him “you know
Our government is letting people down”
He said he’d need a lot of help to buck the status-quo
I said there was a bunch of us around

I’m a Born Again American, conceived in Liberty
My Bible and the Bill of Rights, my creed’s equality
I’m a Born Again American, my country ‘tis of me
And everyone who shares the dream from sea to shining sea

My brother’s welding chassis at the plant
He’s earning what our granddad did in 1948
While CEOs count bonuses behind the castle gates
How can they see
When all they care about’s the do re mi

It’s getting where there’s nowhere left to turn
Not since the crash of twenty-nine have things been so unfair
So many of our citizens are living in despair
The time has come
To reaffirm that hope’s not just for some

The promise of America’s surrendering to greed
The rule is just look out for number one
But brace yourself ‘cause some of us have sown a different seed
A harvest of the spirit has begun

I’m a Born Again American conceived in liberty
My Bible and The Bill Of RightsMy creed’s equality
A Born Again American, my country ‘tis of me
And everyone who shares the dream from sea to shining sea

It’s clear my country’s soul is on the line
She’s hungering for something that she lost along the way
The principle the framers called upon us to obey
That in this land
The people’s will must have the upper hand

I felt the calling once before and took a sacred vow
And faithful to that vow
I have remainedI hear the calling once again, my country needs me now
And to her cause I have been re-ordained

I’m a Born Again American conceived in liberty
My Bible and the Bill Of Rights, all people living free
A Born Again American, my country ‘tis of me
And everyone who shares the dream
From sea to shining seaAnd everyone who shares the dream
From sea to shining sea

A M E R I C A

An indulgent day..

Today started like any other day. I got the kids up, dressed, fed & out the door. I took the boys to the bus, got them on, then took Alexa to school. Normally I might go to the drivethru at Starbucks, grab a coffee, then see what I could get done at the house before going to a project meeting at the boy's school. I am not sure why I diverted from that, but I went into Starbucks, sat down with my coffee & a croissant, and worked through a few sudoku puzzles until it was time to go to the meeting. The meeting was at 9:30, I left the school at 1:30. As Brian says.."I can't say no!"
Then I went back to the house & did a few things until it was time to pick the boys up from the bus. I had to go to Sears to pickup a water filter for our refridgerator, so I took the boys to do it since I got sidetracked at the school earlier. Sears is at one end of the mall. At the other end is the kid's playground and an icecream place called Maggie Moo's. They have the creamiest homemade icecream and mix in your choice of goodies. I think we've only been there once before.
I decided to take the boys to Maggie's and then let them play at the playground. Hunter got bubblegum icecream with gummie bears & marshmallows. He forgot how hard it is to chew ice cold gummie bears! Tristan chose chocolate icecream with oreos & marshmallows. They switched when they were almost done so they could taste what the other one got. I tried their "better batter" icecream that tastes like cake batter, then added caramel & almonds. It was sooooo yummy! Now the boys are playing for a bit, then we will go get Alexa & head home. What an awesome, and for me, a very indulgent day!

Technology has taken over!

Since Chad's graduation things have been flying by in a blur! It took a day or two to get us all unpacked and settled back in.
Brian & I switched our cell service from AT&T to Verizon this week. We had AT&T for over 10 years. Their customer service has become non-existent, and their new conversion changed our discount too, so it was time for a change. So I have spent the past few days getting setup and used to my new blackberry curve. I have always had a basic cell phone. My priority was a decent camera. No internet, no email, etc. This thing has and does more than I will ever use! It can also be addictive. It is a mini laptop! I can get my email, facebook updates, tons of stuff I really lived just fine without having at my fingertips. It doesn't just hold phone numbers.. it holds work and home addresses, birthdays & anniversaries too! I can personalize your number with a picture, (which I have almost everyone set up with already!) and even a custom ringtone so it shows your pic and plays your song when you call. How crazy is that?! My poor laptop was beginning to feel obsolete. My sister told me I could link up with flickr and my blog on my phone too, but I think I should leave something for my laptop to do!
I have been so submerged in technology the past couple days that it was a reality check to take the kids to the movies today and have to shut off my phone. I actually had to shut it off rather than turn it to silent because there are so many applications on it I couldn't find the one to change the ringer volume! Of course after the movie I found it right away. It was just more data than my mind could compute at the moment I needed it to!
So here I am back on my trusty laptop, well, not so trusty.. it has been acting up and at the moment has to be hooked up on a landline to work properly. But still my good old connection to the internet world. It also makes it easier for my "good, old" fingers & eyes to manipulate the keys! That phone keyboard is tiny!!
So off to bed I go. To recharge myself, and according to the beeping message, also to recharge my cell phone!!

Family Day 3.19.09

Family Day 3.19.09
Originally uploaded by mommanana

We are all home and Chad is getting settled at Fort Huachuca in AZ, check out more photos in the photo gallery. (Link on the right sidebar, or double click on this photo top get there.)

Letting go..

Chad Family Day 3.19.09
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Everyone is sleeping and I can't! It is actually still Thursday for me. We had a good day with Chad. He has become a man over the past 10 weeks. He even looks different to me. Not just in his physical appearance, but in how he carries himself. With a confidence & direction I am not used to seeing in him. I am so very proud of him!
My Mom & Dad came in this afternoon and had dinner with all of us at the NCO Club, They had a dinner for his unit there. He couldn't go off base until tomorrow, so he will see Greta & Randy in the morning. They got in this evening. He will have tomorrow until he has to report back to his unit (by 9 pm). Then he flys out Saturday morning to Arizona where he will go to tech school for almost 11 months.
Kierra living in St. Pete. is the farthest any of our children have lived from us. Even when Chad lived & worked with Greg & Lisa, it was just a couple hours away.
This is a new journey for both of us. It has been the best thing for Chad. It has been hard to let him go, partly because we weren't on the best terms when he left. I am trying to let that go too. This 24 hours with him here is like stepping into another dimension, a place we haven't been before. A reunion, a celebration, & a farewell packed into two 12 hour days.
That is such a short amount of time to get to know him, this man who used to be my little boy. I can say he always will be, but that child is packed away with my memories, and I have to rerrange his "room" in my mind, to adapt to this grown man he has become.
It will be hard to let him go not knowing when I will see him again. I am trying to plan a road trip with the kids in July, but alot can happen between now & then. He said he will try to come home for Christmas.
So this is what it feels like to truly have your child leave the nest, to love them enough to let them go...OUCH!

Dragonfly

Dragonfly
Originally uploaded by mommanana

This is a test photo, but isn't it pretty?

Test

Okay, this is a test to see if it is my laptop screwing up or aol..we'll see!

Graduation Day..

I am getting things ready for our trip to SC for Chad's Army Basic Training Graduation. There don't seem to be enough hours in my day! He has family day Thursday, then graduates on Friday, He will head out to AZ on Saturday. I am not taking my laptop because it is still acting up, so I won't be online until I get back Sat. night.
I had half of a good day today, then it went to hell. As much as I love my husband, there are times he really doesn't "get it". After more than 25 years he should know I am more dangerous when I am hurt than when I am mad. I wish I could blow things off the way he seems to. But I am like a hungry dog with a bone, and I don't give it up! He should know that too! I am trying not to let it spoil the trip the way it spoiled my day. Of course.. I do love to chew on those bones!! He better hope I find something (or someone) else to gnaw on!
TTFN

Mj & the kids 3.14.09

Mj & the kids 3.14.09
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Check out the new pix in the photo gallery.. Greta & Randy had pix done with all their grandkids so I had a couple shots taken.

Cloudy day

My laptop has been giving me major grief since yesterday afternoon. I am not sure what the deal is, but will be limited for posting until it gets sorted out. Yesterday was just an all around crappy day! Today doesn't seem to be faring much better. My mood matches the cloudy day outside my window, so maybe it is good that I am forced to be somewhat disconnected from the outside world! Hope things in your world are a bit brighter.. I'll be back soon!

Food for thought..

This is what happens when you don't feel well, Daddy won't be home til late and you spend way too much time with your kids! Alexa informed me she had to have one more letter to have the same as Hunter and she wanted an S for her last name! I guess that's one way to avoid confusion as to which plate is theirs!

Blog Blurbs

*I am volunteering this week at the boy's school. I am helping with the FCAT testing. I did it last year for 3rd grade. This year I am helping in 4th. It can be a long 2 hours! The rules are so strict and they have to follow the protocol exactly. I remember tests in school, but nothing like this! I am going to have lunch with Tristan after testing tomorrow, then have lunch with Hunter after testing on Thursday.
*I have been going through the kid's winter clothes and now have to sort through and get out their summer clothes. It has been in the 80's lately! They grow and change faster than I can seem to keep up with.
*They are not liking the time change at all. It is a major discussion for them to go to bed when it is barely dark out, then hard to make them get up before the sun. I am hoping they adjust to it soon! Mornings are rough right now.
*Chad is doing well and has passed his PT tests. We are really looking forward to his graduation. I am really proud of him. It still seems strange that he will be out in AZ soon and be there almost a year.
*Brianne is doing good. Almost back to her old self again. She still gets headaches when she is on the computer at work too long, or if it is real noisy. But she is back to work & driving and all seems to be going well.
*I almost started a line about Kierra, that is how automatic it is when I am talking about them all and updating about them. It is such a void, a missing part of the whole. I wasn't really even thinking about her, it just popped in there while I was typing. I wonder about "Heaven", about an "afterlife".. About what the souls/spirits of our loved ones are doing out there, in the vast unknown. I believe they are definitely there, but could not begin to define "where, how", etc. She is here, all around me, in my heart, in my head, even when I am not consciously thinking of her.
* Brian is working on a task force until mid-April. His hours suck and he has to work most of his days off to make up his off-duty hours. I am looking forward to having time with him for Chad's graduation, another bonus!
*Time to go get Alexa, so that's about it for now.

Out of the blue..

I heard this for the first time today flipping through radio stations.

Artist: Jackson Alan
Song: Sissy's Song
Album: Good Time

Why did she have to go
So young I just don't know why
Things happen half the time
Without reason without rhyme
Lovely, sweet young woman
Daughter, (wife) and mother
Makes no sense to me
I just have to believe

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me

Loved ones she left behind
Just trying to survive
And understand the why
Feeling so lost inside
Anger shot straight at God
(Then asking for His love)
Empty with disbelief
Just hoping that maybe

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me

It's hard to say goodbye
Her picture in my mind
Will always be of times I'll cherish
And I won't cry 'cause

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me
Don't worry 'bout me
Don`t worry 'bout me

What's Cookin'

I made a huge pot of spaghetti and some awesome sauce the other day. So today I made up 3 pans of meat & cheese lasagna and 2 pans of cheese stuffed manicotti. I used up just about all the sauce and I still have alot of spaghetti left over, so now I am thinking of making some chicken tetrazzini with that. I have containers I got through the monthly cooking club I am in so it makes it easy to fill them up and freeze them. Easy to label too. They cancelled our meeting for this month so I already have the meals for April done & in the freezer. Sometimes I just get in the mood to cook. It fills the house with comforting smells and reminds me of my Grammy Blomgren's house. She always had something in the oven or on the stove. I haven't always been a very good cook. It has been a long process. I enjoy cooking, I enjoy it when other people enjoy what I cook. The kids all have their own aprons and enjoy doing things with me in the kitchen too. I got Hunter his first cookbook for Christmas. That's something I never shared with my mother. She had too many children and had to work. My Grammy B. gave me the basics and I loved to watch her in the kitchen. Her Turkey Croquettes with Egg Sauce is one of my favorite recipes. I used to call her when I was first married to get recipes for everything. I still have them. She made everything from scratch. My friend Nancy visited with her when she lived with my parents in Tennessee. I asked her to record my grandmother sharing stories. I still have that recording. One story was about her and a friend going to the grocery store. Cooking dinner took hours back in those days and they really wanted to do some frivolous shopping. There were some new canned biscuits at the store so they decided to try them. They put their groceries in the car and went off to enjoy some spare time together. On returning to the car they were suprised and a bit shocked to find something all over the inside of the car windows. They soon discovered their new cans of biscuits had exploded all over the car! So they not only had a mess to clean up, but then had to rush to make biscuits for dinner. She laughed retelling the story and I am so glad I was able to record that memory. She was an awesome lady and I miss her.

A rough start..

Well, after a great weekend we got off to a rocky start today. All 3 kids didn't want to get out of bed, and no one wanted to go to school. It was like pulling stubborn teeth to get them up, dressed, fed, and out the door. I can't stand starting the day like that! Everyone was grumpy and that makes me grumpy. I managed to get them somewhat out of their funk then when we got to the bus it all started again. Hunter said it was crazy sock day at their school today so the boys both wore mismatched crazy looking socks. When they were getting on the bus Tristan noticed someone wasn't wearing mismatched socks. He was adamant that he wanted his socks to match, he didn't want to be crazy! I got him on the bus with the promise I would meet him at school to give him a matching sock so he could change it if he wanted to. I did, and all was well with the world. Until Hunter decided to get emotional and want to go back home with me when I brought Tristan's sock. I don't know where all this came from, but I got him settled back down. They have an awesome bus driver and he helped calm them down. I called Hunter's teacher to give her a head's up that he was having an emotional morning. I emailed Tristan's teacher to explain the spare sock. Two down, one to go. I got Alexa to school with her being the least of my problems this morning, until I dropped her at her class and she instantly turned on the tears. I am going to her class to read Dr. Seuss at 11:30. She wanted me to stay or to come home with me until reading time. I got her calmed down and settled in with the promise I would be back to read to her and her class in just a little while. What a way to start the day!
On the way home I stopped at Starbucks for my coffee fix and decided to call into the local radio station for a contest I was listening to. I got on and managed to beat the champion, a logistics engineer, in their Battle of the Sexes contest. I will compete again tomorrow morning. So far I have won movie passes, and an upsweep to the way my day started. We will see what tomorrow brings!

Monster Truck Jam 2.28.09

Monster Truck Jam 2.28.09
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Rick took the boys & I to the Monster Truck Jam as one of their Christmas presents. He also got them a t-shirt of their favorite trucks and a poster too. Yes, they are spoiled! They had a blast. 72,000 people were there to watch these monster trucks race and crash. I was amazed at how many flipped over during the freestyle and how much the crowd loved it! We picked Rick up at 5 pm and we pulled into our driveway at the end of the night at 1 am. I am glad I brought us all earplugs! We had awesome seats right up close so we were front & center for all the action. I have been listening to recreations of the night's events all morning! Alexa got to have a sleepover with Auntie Terri & Jessica, a girl's only night, so she didn't feel left out. It has definitely been an "all about the kids" weekend. I am glad they enjoyed all their adventures. I enjoyed it too. I may think it takes me back to being a kid again, but my body reminds me that I'm not!

Backyard camping 2.27.09

Backyard camping 2.27.09
Originally uploaded by mommanana

We are going to go camping soon so I figured it would be a good idea to practice putting up the 3 room tent we have but have never used. The kids & I are going to camp out in the backyard tonight. I am sure my back will tell me all about it tomorrow! I will fill you in after our night of adventure, sweet dreams!

P.S. Morning after.. the kids had a blast. I am sore all over! I heard every dog bark, every rustle of leaves, I am worn out!!

Alien Invasion!

It is so funny to be considered the greatest Mom in the world because I made quesadillas for dinner and let them have ranch dressing to dip them in. Then, of course, I am not the greatest because I won't let them stay up late on a school night. In the course of a single day they can go from being the sweetest, politest, most loving children to being aliens from Mars, monsters unrecognizable to the human eye!
And while I am on a roll, what is with their built in censors? They can be sound asleep, in their rooms, doors partially closed. We can be in our room with the door closed (and locked) for some "quality" time. Just when we are at the most "distracted" there will be a voice at the door just before they try to turn the knob. Talk about a mood buster! And they never want Brian, it has to be me. It happens too often to be coincidence! And it happened with the older three when they were little too. See.. aliens. Has your house been invaded too? Or are ours just overly intuitive?? Things that make you go hmmmmmmmm...

The Mom Song

I have gotten this a few times and I am amazed at how many of these phrases I have used (and more!) when rambling to the kids. Take a minute and enjoy a good laugh.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESe-AysF9mw&feature=related

Pill Poppers Beware!

I take several medications daily, okay, I am supposed to take several medications daily! I just got one of my scripts filled yesterday. I went to take it this morning and realized it is the same size and shape, but a different color. I checked the bottle to see if it was the right med, brand, dose, etc. and it was. I still wasn't comfortable taking it so I called my pharmacist and explained it was always green, these are blue. He got the info from me and said he would call me back. He did and it is the wrong dose. Double what I should take. They are dispensing the correct med and I will take these back. Normally I take them on the run first thing in the morning as I am getting the kids out the door to school. I forgot this morning, so I was late taking them. My regular pharmacist wasn't there yesterday, but I didn't think to check the meds. It is scary that everything was labeled correct but the pill was wrong. Just goes to show how quick we are to trust strangers to do things that are so important. How we get too comfortable sometimes and just go with the flow. I double check my food order at McDonalds, but didn't think I needed to check meds that I put into my body everyday. I am sure I will from now on, at least for awhile, until I get comfortable again. Be careful out there!

Butt, Booty, & Boogie

I have been so immersed in the world of babies and children I sometimes forget that not everyone is. Our friend Terry went with me to take Brianne to her Dr. Appt. Monday morning. I went to find a rest room then met them in the pharmacy afterward. They were having fits of laughter & giggles. They just happened to be sitting accross from the baby aisle. There on display were tubes of Butt Paste & Booty Goo. Don't the names just make you smile, or maybe even chuckle, a little? I didn't get carried away like they did. Maybe because I know that the stuff is like paste & goo! And as honestly as they're named, they honestly work.
Then yesterday I went to pick up some cold medicine for Alexa and guess what I found? Boogie Wipes! Yep, special wipes for a boogie nose. In grape or strawberry scents. Okay, yes I did, I got the grape ones. they are bigger than I thought they would be and smell much better than baby wipes and are antibacterial too. So now I have pesonal knowledge of butts, bootys, & boogies!

What's in a name?

The other night my son-in-law was over spending some time with Brianne. I can't even recall what started it, he was probably aggravating Bri or one of the kids.. anywho.. I had already told him to stop at least once, so, as with all my kids, I said Justin Daniel! Stop. He then replied okay Mari-jane _______. (using my middle name) Brian immediately told him "dead man walking!" and Bri & our friend Terry sounded their ooooooohs, and warned him of my wrath.
You see, everyone who really knows me, knows I do not use my middle name, nor does anyone else. My middle name is after my grandmother who I love dearly. She passed away when I was expecting Brianne. She was my lifeboat when I was a child. I don't know that it is so much that I don't like the name really, maybe it is more that I can't possibly live up to it. It has been a long running family secret that really isn't a secret. Everyone usually gives out hints until it is guessed. I threatened Justin to list all the things he has done in 6 years to annoy me besides using my middle name outloud.. the list is long, but I will let him off the hook this time, only this time, because it allowed me to pause and think of her, my Nana, for a few more seconds than I have had time for in a while. She had heart, she had spunk, she had so much love. I got that from her, along with her name.....Mildred.

He's getting too big.. for his britches..

Hunter Nov. 2008 School Pic
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Hunter has informed me that although he may like to watch the movies and cartoons, he is too old to wear Disney Character clothes. I thought at least the Power Rangers would be okay, but no, not even them. He is too big for that kind of stuff and wanted me to put them away for Tristan to wear to kindergarten. I guess it's a good thing Hunter is small for his age, so Tristan may actually be able to wear them in the fall. I guess 2nd grade is a bit big for Character clothes. I thought they looked pretty cool, but not to 8 year old boys who want to be bigger. I wish he wouldn't grow up so fast. I wish he still liked to run around wearing Winnie-The-Pooh. I wish he was that chubby baby all cute, cuddly, & full of giggles. He is still full of giggles, they are just harder won. I may think he is cute & cuddly, but he doesn't want to be considered a baby in any way, shape, or form. I wasn't prepared for this. I had forgotten how important it is for boys to be big, to be more than just a little kid, to look the part of being a little man. No more shopping at the Disney Store for him! I guess it will be Tony Hawk & NFL gear from now on!

Putting my house in order..

Well, we solved the stir crazy day and the days following, so all is well. Between Bri's recovery and Terry visiting I have seriously neglected my house. I had spoiled Brian & myself the few weeks preceding because I had been keeping things cleaned up and even got the beds made every day. I kept up on laundry, cooked, and kept the kitchen clean. Then so much was going on I barely did the basics. Boy does it show! Bri is doing better, Terry had to head home, and I need to get back on track. I started weeding through our office paperwork and "stuff" a couple weeks ago and that is still a work in progress. I have a kitchen project I planned about a year ago now..would like to get that done too. So I am going to try to get caught back up on putting my house in order. A constant work in progress, but progress worth the work!

Stir Crazy, or just plain nuts?

There is a vast difference between my grown child needing calm & quiet, and the 3 smaller children needing activity and action. Here I am inthe middle of them all trying to keep everyone happy! Brianne is doing much better, although headaches are still an issue. She is getting up and around on her own and needs little assistance. Things just take her alot longer. I am going to get her settled then take the kids to the mall playground for a bit. There are no kid's movies out at all that are appropriate for them, so I have to explore other options. It is too cold, so they don't want to go to the zoo either. Any activity in the house becomes too loud no matter what it is because they just want to go and do. If I had the funds they would be going to daycare for awhile! So off I go to let them release some of this pent-up energy. They have really done well the past few days, so I guess they are allowed a crazy day! I am at the mercy of them all today, so I guess I'll be going crazy too.. nothing new!

A blurred moment..

The little ones have been so worried about their Brianne. She was discharged from the hospital last night and came to our house so she can have someone with her the first few days until she is steady on her feet. The concussion seems to be the hardest part to deal with right now.
Terri & Dwight picked the kids up from school and kept them until I had her home and settled. I went and picked them up and let Justin spend some alone time with Bri.
On our way home I reminded the kids that they would have to be quiet and be careful with Brianne for a few days. Alexa said "yea, because she has a broken head." Then they started asking questions about her injury and how they fixed it. They can't quite understand about the staples they used for her cut. And they think she should have a purple cast on her head til it gets better.
They did quite well trying to be quiet. I think seeing her and seeing that she is okay has helped them alot. It is scary to be little and have someone grown up get seriously hurt. And to trust when everyone tells you they will be okay. It is more comforting to see for yourself.
Mornings are the toughest for Bri right now. The dizziness and nausea are at their worst then. We finally got her feeling well enough to get in the tub and get a hot bath, and to finally get all the dried blood out of her hair late this morning. She ate some soup and is resting. Pain meds are a wonderful thing.
It was the strangest sensation in the early hours this morning to hear her whisper "Mommy?" I was on the couch and have an intercom set up. I went right in. She had slept through the next dose of pain med and the headache was in full force. Tonight I will set an alarm to make sure she gets it every 4 hours. I got her meds and rubbed her back. In the first instant when she called me it was like when she was a young child and would call out for me in the night. When you are half asleep listening for them it can be a blurred moment in time when you hear that voice and have to think of where, and when, you are.
I am glad I can be here for her and with her while she gets better. I am proud of the kids for being able to understand that she needs me and I may be stretched a little thin. They can be little grownups when they have to be.
I will update everyone as we go. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers.

Brianne update

Brianne is spending another night at the hospital. They are downgrading her from ICU to a regular rm. and she should come home tomorrow. Her catscan came back normal today and she got the all clear from the neurosurgeon. She was thrilled to get the neck brace off. She has already gotten some negative comments about horse back riding and if it was worth it. I told her to blow them off. She knows herself and she knows the horse. It was an accident. Wether she rides again or not it is HER choice. I will not be upset if she chooses not to ride anymore. I don't know how to convince others that it was a fluke. She will obviously be more careful and wear a helmet. She shouldn't have to justify herself to anyone. We went over what happened. She knows the mistakes that were made, by her and the horse. I let her know the most important thing to worry about is recovering, not anything else. I don't think she needs to be preached to about the perils of horses. I think that lesson was self-taught yesterday! We should all be thankful she is okay and on the mend. I know I am.

Run, Lenny, Run.... NOT!

Have you ever seen a horse running without it's rider? It is a scene which invoked a gut wrenching fear in me today. Brianne was thrown from her horse. She was cantering and he decided to gallop instead. Then he must have realized he was heading toward the barn, so he took the turn like he used to when he was a barrel racer. A crazy horse version of sliding into home plate. Then he righted himself still going much too fast and Brianne went airborne and came down hard. She didn't lose consciousness and got herself up. She tore up the skin on her left hand and was bleeding from her ponytail. We called rescue to be sure her neck and back were okay and didn't want to play around with a head injury. They took her to the Trauma ER in Jax. She got a few staples for the cut and x-rays showed a crack in her skull. There isn't any brain bruising or damage that they can see. They will keep her at least 24 hours in ICU and we will go from there. She has a very bad headache and is super nauseous. It was such a fluke. She was on Lenny, who has always liked to run, but never to that extent. She has always ridden him and never had a problem. Of course one of the golden rules is to never run heading toward the barn. I don't think he even realized he was going that fast, hence the homeplate slide. I didn't stop long enough to make sure he was okay, so I left a message for the barn manager to check him for me. She was going to untack them and put them out for me, so I am sure she checked him over. We thought it was just a few stitches and some bruises. As bad as it is, it could have been a lot worse. It is a scary thing to see your child injured. It is such a helpless feeling to want to take away their pain and know you can't. I will let you know how things are tomorrow.

Is That You?

Is that you
in my dreams as I sleep?
Is that you
watching me as I weep?

Is that you
playing a song just for me?
Is that you
in every dragonfly I see?

Wherever I go
In whatever I do
I think it is..
Is that you?

mjs 2.13.09

Keilbabsa Rice Casserole

Ingredients:
*1pkgs (0.9oz) Knorr Spring Vegetable recipe/soup mix
*1/4stick butter (2 tablespooons)
*3 1/2 cups water
*1 1/2 cups rice (I use Uncle Ben's Original Converted Rice)
*7-8 oz.Keilbasa (I used Oscar Mayer Turkey Polska Keilbasa & cut it into small pieces.)
*1 tsp. Beef Broth Granules (can also use 1 boullion cube)

Combine 3 1/2 cups water with the Knorr mix in large saucepan.
Add 1/4 stick butter, bring to a boil.
Stir in 1 1/2 cups rice, and 1 tsp.beef granules.Then add Keilbasa.
Cover and let simmer for 20 minutes. Turn off heat. Any extra liquid will be absorbed in about 10 minutes.

I double this recipe when I make it, but downsized it for smaller families.
Cricket, you would definitely have to double the recipe!

Cheesy Baked Ziti

Ingredients:
*16 oz. uncooked Ziti
*16 oz Ricotta Cheese
*3 cups (12 oz) Mozarella Cheese, Grated
*3 cups (26 oz. jar) Marinara or Spaghetti Sauce
*1/2 cup Parmesan Cheese

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cook Ziti in salted water, 8-10 minutes, drain.
Place Ziti in large bowl. Mix in 16 oz. ricotta cheese and half (1 1/2 cups) of the mozarella cheese. Mix well.
In a greased 9X13 inch casserole dish, spread half of the Sauce (1 1/2 cups) in the bottom of the pan.Add ziti mixture and then cover with the remaining sauce. Sprinkle with parmesan cheese and the remaining mozarella cheese.
Bake uncovered for 20-30 minutes, until it bubbles around the edges.

This makes a very large amount. I serve extra sauce with it for those who like it saucier!

The language of children..

They say the darnedest things!
*Tristan wants to be "tuckled" in. That is a cross between a snuggle and being tucked in!
*Alexa "can't like that" if there is something she doesn't want to eat or isn't sure of.
*Alexa has picked up "darnit" and "Holy Cow", she has been saying them all morning!
*Tristan still says "Wow, I did not see that one coming!" whenever something suprises him.
*When Tristan has done something he thinks will get him in trouble he comes up and says "I Love You" out of the blue. I have learned to tell him I love you too, what did you do? He usually answers honestly.
*When Alexa wants to stall she will say "Just 5 more minutes, just 5, okay?"
* They think "Stupid" is the bad "S" word.
*"But the sun is rising" is Tristan's reasoning to get up at dawn.
These are just a few of the cute things they say. Their minds are constantly learning and merging what they think with what they hear. I have to really watch what I say!

HAPPY HEART DAY!

Valentine's Day is not just a celebration of ideal relationships in a perfect world. It goes beyond that.. It's about real people who support one another in hard times, help each other through problems, and share life's joys as well as it's sadness.
It's about the kind of person who says "I'm here for you" and means it. It's about caring, friendship, love. That's why it is so much more than just a day of hearts and flowers.
Valentine's Day is a celebration of special friends and family.
Sending big hugs to all of you who matter in my life!

Patience & Practice..

I think I think too much. I worry about every little thing. I try to be sure everyone is happy. That they have what they want and don't want for anything. It is exhausting! It isn't a constant thing, I go through phases. It is like the tides, it comes and goes. It keeps me too busy to worry about me. I have tried recently to shift that concentration and pay more attention to what I need. Right now I have some health issues which require me taking my meds like I am supposed to and paying attention to my body and what it needs. I am not used to that, and my health has suffered at times because of it. It is easy to say I can't take care of others if I don't take care of myself and know that is true. It is harder to apply that theory to my everyday life. I am not a spring chicken, and I have not always lived a healthy lifestyle. I am trying to do better. In the past 5 months I have lost 42 pounds. That is a big step to being healthier. I have found some of my health concerns were disguised by my weight and the issues we blame on being heavy. Now I have to address my issues and take the steps to making myself healthier. It can be hard to accept that we are not as strong as we think we are, or not invincible. It is difficult to balance caring for others and caring for ourselves. It isn't impossible, it just takes patience and practice. I am up to the challenge of practicing, I am not so sure about finding the patience!

Ta-Da!

Ta-Da!
Originally uploaded by mommanana

2.4.09 Tristan & Alexa, 5th Birthday at Disney

With Pinnochio 2.4.09

With Pinnochio 2.4.09
Originally uploaded by mommanana

.. and with the sun in their eyes..What a Day! It was cold, but they never complained. Of course I made them wear 2 shirts, winter tights under their jeans, hats, scarfs, & mittens!
Alexa even braved "It's a Small World" after being asked to leave the ride last Memorial Day for screaming her head off. They aren't babies anymore!

Click on this pic to see the other awesome pix we took for their birthday at Disney.

Kie & babies Feb. 4, 2004

Kie & babies Feb. 4, 2004
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Hard to believe it has been 5 years already! We are off to Disney with Tristan & Alexa for the day. I will post pix tomorrow. It will be a day full of memories, both old & new.

Time Marches On..

Okay, well I guess it was my turn to disappear! I didn't really, but I have been absent from blogging. By the time my day is at an end and I think of getting online, it is late and I am tired. I have been dealing with a bout of "Reactive Mono/Epstein-Barr Virus", which my doc says is not contagious. It will flare up when I am stressed or my immune system is low. For years I have had what they thought was Pharyngitis, once or twice a year. Now she thinks it was this instead.
Add to that some "female" problems, which have left me severely anemic, and I have been wiped out. I am looking forward to having these issues resolved soon and I am starting to feel better.
Things have been busy as usual. We registered Alexa for Kindergarten last week. Tristan is automatically registered because he attends preschool where they will attend Kindergarten. They will be 5 this Wednesday, seems hard to believe so much time has gone by. They have lost that toddler look and have become their own "little people". Although Tristan has started climbing into our bed at night and insists I "Tuckle" him in. That is his new word for tucking him in and getting to snuggle.
I registered them for the free pass to Disney for their birthday. Brian & I will take them Wednesday for the day. It isn't such a big deal for them to miss preschool for one day. Brianne will pick up Hunter and have some one on one time with him which he doesn't get too often. Then we will take him on his own for his birthday.
Time marches on. It both amazes and frightens me. I had a difficult moment this afternoon when I was going to pick up the boys at their bus stop. I missed Kie so much it took my breath away, it was physically painful. Not because of a song on the radio, or any other obvious reason. It just hit me. Broadsided me right out of the blue. That doesn't happen as often as it used to. I miss her often, I think of her many times throughout my day, but it hasn't slammed into me like that in quite a while. I called my friend Terry M. and we talked about it, then talked about other things so that by the time I got the boys I was back in control.
I am sure this week will be emotional for me, for Brian too. I am so glad I have him to lean on, to understand my pain and to love me. We will get through the twin's birthday together, with them, and make the most of their day. We will give them great memories and great fun. Kie would want that for them, we do too. So we take it day by day... as time marches on.