I was talking to a friend today, (I actually got to talk to three friends today who don't live nearby, but their hearts are right here with me!) and we talked about what Brian & I have taken on and whether there was any real "deciding" about doing it or not doing it. I never thought about any other choice. It was the same when we took Hunter into our lives and took the steps to adopt him. It was never a "choice" for me. It was the right thing to do, it was the only thing to do as far as I was concerned. It was never an option for me to have someone else, anyone else, raise Kierra's children. They are my blood, they are a part of her, a part of me. The idea that they would live anywhere else is foreign to me. It is not within my range of thinking.
A comment was made to someone when Kierra died.."Will they want to give Hunter back now?"
Such a thought is so ludicrous to me. He is our son. He is our child.
I don' t think about what my life would be without them, other than wondering what it would be like if she were still here.
Yes, I have days when I don't want this to be my life. Yes, I have days when I wonder if I will ever have time with Brian without kids underfoot! But, No, I will not disappear one day and abandon my family, the people I love.
Honestly, haven't we all wondered what a different life would be like? Have you never thought what it would be like to back pack around Europe? To have no responsibilities other than yourself? I am sure the ones who have that wonder what it would like to have a van full of kids and a picket fence. That is human nature. Wondering isn't wanting. Wondering won't have me packing my bags. I want the people I love to live long lives and be happy. I think that is enough of a goal to shoot for. And I plan on being around to help them accomplish it.
2 comments:
boy, you must be speaking to me.... I have always wondered what it would be like to even have one child. I never thought my life would end up the way it is, and I know I can still change it. I hear you tell me that all the time. Grass isn't always greener is the old saying. Some wonder what is like to be single and care free, it's not fun at all.
Of course we wonder, it really tugs when one of the kids gets on the phone to say hello. But between each other we live our lives and celebrate the full fillment with and for each other.
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