Friday, January 20, 2006

Patience has never been one of my virtues!

I am not so patiently waiting. Waiting for my mind to come back from "mush land", waiting for my mind to allow me to sleep, waiting for my daily life to have some semblance of order, waiting for the wheels of justice to do their thing, waiting, waiting, waiting. I am not just sitting here waiting, I am actively trying to push things along their way, with no noticeable results!
I will never be "over" this, never be "normal" again, but I have to hope for something other than what life is right now. It feels chaotic..I know alot of you are chuckling.. my life is always chaotic! But this chaos is different. And I have no motivation to do anything. I tell myself I have specific projects to do, things to get done. But my brain doesn't seem to relay the message to my body in a strong enough voice to actually get anything done. Yet I feel like I am scrambling and "doing" all day long. Therefore I should feel some sense of accomplishment, right? Yeah..no. I can't really see the results of my labor, or at least not the results of anything I can scratch off my never ending to do list.
And I feel like I am becoming a whiner.. I don't like whiners! I don't think I am usually a whiner, so this is driving me crazy too. ( No not REALLY crazy you worry warts, just annoying crazy..)
So enough whining..I have managed to start a Ballroom Dance Class at FCCJ with Brianne. I have decided what to do for the twin's birthday, and I have decided Brian & I are going away by ourselves for a few days in February or March. That doesn't get my house clean, or the kids playground done, or the boxes out of my bedroom, but it is a start!

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