Wednesday, July 16, 2008

My Father, Stanley & Kie Nov 1985

This man was my father. I didn't really know him until I was an adult. He died of a fatal heart attack ten years ago today. I have some pictures of him with me as a baby, which oddly enough I could not find today. I have no memory of when those pictures were taken. But this picture holds a precious memory for me. That must be why this is the picture I did find.
We were moving to an Air Force Base in upstate New York. We stopped in Massachusetts to visit on our way up. We were able to make several visits during the years we lived there.
As you can see, Kie picked the biggest pillow. She could barely pick it up, it was almost as big as she was! No matter how many times she fell over, she went back for more! She laughed so hard she could hardly catch her breath. Most of the time she knocked herself off balance before he had a chance to. But she had to have that huge pillow, the biggest one.
I envied them their ability to joke and play. To be so open with each other. I am glad they had that. I did not have that with him. I had too much baggage from my childhood. Too many opinions from everyone else of who he was and what he was like. I wasn't given the chance to know him when I was young. So much wasted time. Too many wasted years.
The man I knew was not who I was led to believe he was. The man I knew was not the man I feared when I was young. I wish I had known him better and longer. I wish I had taken the chance and had just one pillow fight with him..

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