How do you just walk away? How do you make the decision to just stop being part of someone's life? I don't get it. I used to think Alex & Darnell were so different, but both have managed to just disappear from the twin's lives. You can't just pop in and out after months at a time. It isn't fair to them. I have never kept either one of them from these kids. I have never said they couldn't see them. But at what point do I say enough? When do I put the twin's feelings first? Isn't that what they should be doing? Alex is their father by birth. He has seen them 4 times in their lives so far. Darnell was part of their lives for 10 months when Kierra died. They called him Daddy. He has seen them several times since then, most in the first 6 months. Then it tapered off and he has made no attempt to see them since Vicky and the gang took them to the park July 5th. That is almost 2 months ago. Maybe that is for the best. I will not have them confused and upset because he pops in and out at random. Maybe he considers that part of moving on. I don't know and am honestly getting to the point that I don't care. We have done everything we could to help him. I can't do anymore. The twins don't know Alex, so it was never an emotional connection for them. It was with Darnell. I guess it is better to know now that he won't be part of their lives. I had just expected more.
Alex took Kierra's death pretty hard when he finally found out. He was supposed to have training the first couple weeks in May. He was supposed to call when he got back May 19th and we would set up him seeing them before he headed to Texas June 6th. He never called. He is supposed to have gone to Iraq Mid August for a year. No call, no letter. Just gone. I don't get it.
I am glad Tristan & Alexa are young. I am glad their losses are not as obvious to them as they are to us. I am glad they are happy, and I am glad they are loved. And I am so sorry for those, not just Alex & Darnell, who have decided not to be an integral part of their lives. Whatever the excuses, whatever the reasons, it is their loss. I will not chase people down, or beg people to be part of our lives. I will never "move on" from Kierra's death, but I will go forward, and I will leave people behind along the way. By their own choice, not always by mine. But know that I rarely look back, and I rarely reopen a closed door.
We are blessed to have so many caring, loving people in our lives every day. Family & friends who we know we can always count on. You all know which side of the door you are on. I am not the one who has walked away. We are where we have always been, right here. My address and phone numbers have not changed. So those that get pissed off by this..where have you been lately? I don't ask that because I care, I want you to ask your self that question before you decide I am the bad guy. I wake up each and every day reminded of Kierra's death, reminded that she is gone forever. No matter what good I have in my life, it is always shadowed by that. So I have every right to resent anyone who chooses to add to the losses Tristan & Alexa will have to live with. And since this is my blog, I have every right to voice my opinion. So for those of you who are among the faithful, you are thanked and loved. For those who aren't... keep walking..
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