It actually did at the disco the other night, and it is getting under my skin as well. Brian has smoked for years. He smokes at work, and some at home. He has always smoked outside because Brianne, Hunter, and now Tristan, have asthma. He has quit before, but started again some time back. His reasoning was because he works nights and it helped him stay awake. I bought that because way back when I worked nights at a convenient store in Wyoming I smoked as well. And on intermittent occasions I have smoked when out drinking with friends. So I know first hand what an addiction is. I am not without guilt of it myself. There are enough addictions between my family and friends for me to be affected on various levels. From cigarettes, to alcohol, to drugs. It isn't what a person is addicted to, it is how inconsiderate the addiction makes them. It is that sometimes the addiction is more important than anything, or anyone else. I have noticed over the past months that Brian smokes more often at home than he used to. I have used the excuse of Kierra's death and him working so much to try and abate my resentment when I am balls to the wall with the kids and call our for his help only to realize he is outside and can't hear me. When he gets a phone call and I am in the middle of something and have to go find him because he is outside. It used to be only when he was first waking up, or when he was getting ready for work. Lately it is alot more often.
I am not sure if it is that we don't spend this much time together, or if it is because my sister Robyn smokes as well, so he has a smoke buddy. But it is becoming a bone of contention for me that he is smoking like a chimney on this trip. The other morning we were out on deck for breakfast. He & Robyn stepped away to the pool area of the deck to smoke. I didn't realize Brian chain smoked. I sat there waiting while he had 1 cigarette, no problem. I got a bit annoyed sitting there while he lit and smoked a 2nd cigarette. I was done waiting when he lit the 3rd. I went over and told him I was tired of sitting alone waiting while he chain smoked, I was going back to the room to change. He said they got talking about insurance. Whatever. Then that night at the disco he was sitting next to me and didn't even move away to smoke, it blew right past my face. When I said something he said it wasn't because he blew it the other way. Whatever.
Numerous times he just leaves where we are, or leaves the cabin to smoke. He doesn't say, Honey I will be right back, nothing. I just look up and he is gone, or I am watching his back as he leaves without saying anything. Yesterday were getting ready for dinner. I had literally just stepped into the shower, I said "hey baby, we can actually take a shower together.. no kids..come on in!" I got no response. I stepped out and opened the bathroom door.. "hey babe".. no response.. he was gone. I finsihed the shower, got out and was getting dressed when he came back. I told him earlier in the day it was my birthday, it would be nice if he cut back. He didn't, and as the night wore on it really annoyed me. I told him how much it was upsetting me, he said "then why are you counting my cigarettes.. I am not counting I told him, every time I turn around, you are gone." This morning we got woken up by a wrong number phone call. He got dressed and asked if I wanted to walk the deck and get coffee. I couldn't stop myself from asking, "so you can smoke?" He got mad and said he wasn't a kid. He may not be a kid, but he is like every other addict.. inconsiderate about how his addiction affects other people. Inconsiderate about the priority his addiction has over whatever else is going on. And I resent it coming between us when we were supposed to use this time to be together. It may not be a big deal to some people, but right now, it is a big deal to me!
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