Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Pieces... Peace

I got a call the other night from someone I hadn't seen or talked to in almost 5 years. It was Brent from Kaluby's Dance. Dori & I took ballroom dance classes once upon a time. It was alot of fun, but pretty expensive. We enjoyed it while we could. They were having a reunion Christmas party last night. Dori had to work and I was busy with the kids. I thought about going.. I watched the clock as I took Hunter to karate for his stripe testing..he now has 2 of the 3 stripes he needs to move up to his next belt. Then I got a call from the child care place that Tristan was having a bit of a temper tantrum and wouldn't calm down, so I left Brian with Hunter, and picked up the twins, took them home, got them to bed, then headed back to karate. I got there just as they finished up. Brian had an off duty job to go to, so I took Hunter home. I looked at the clock again and thought.. maybe I'll go, maybe I could still make it. I got Hunter settled, but then Alexa woke up crying. I checked the clock.. it would be close, but maybe I could still make it. Then Tristan woke up. I got him a drink, and headed to my room to see if I could get myself ready and get there. I looked in the mirror, heard Alexa again.. and realized there never really was a chance. I had green color stamps on my hands from "snippits" where I got all 3 kids hair cut. Even short my hair was a wreck. I looked tired and felt as bad as I looked. So I blew it off and played ping pong between Tristan & Alexa until Brian got home. 2 nights in a row the kids have been wound up and hard to settle. Brian comes home, goes in for 30 seconds.. boom, out like a light, not a peep out of them!
I missed going to that party. I miss going to the dance classes. I miss who I was and what my life was like before. I miss my daughter. Of course, not in that order. I don't miss going to Christmas parties per say. I am glad the only one we have is with family & friends this year. I have been bah humbugging alot. It takes more time & energy than I have. Hunter got upset over a song on the radio today and I told him it was okay to cry, and I missed Kierra too. He said "It's too hard to have Christmas without Kierra. How can I have a Merry Christmas Mom?" I told him there is good all around us. We have to look at the little things and enjoy them piece by piece. It is okay to miss her, but she loved the holidays and would want us to try for each other to enjoy them some too. Do you know how hard it is to encourage him and answer those questions when I have them myself?
He had a Polar Express party at school today. Everyone wore their pajamas. I let the twins go to day care and I spent the morning with Hunter in my pajamas. Then we went to his therapy appt. and then karate. After we picked up Tristan & Alexa we came home and instead of going in the house we went for a walk to see the lights in the neighborhood. Tristan & Alexa get so excited when we drive into the sub division after dark. We take a few detours and they get all excited.. yights! yights!... oooh pretty! So they really enjoyed walking around and seeing them. We practiced holding hands when we cross the street and they were so cute, all three of them, to make sure they held hands. Alexa held Hunter's most of the walk, Tristan held mine. They liked walking them selves with no wagon or stroller. So we ended the day on a good note. They are all sleeping now and I am not far off.
So my pieces (peace) for today were watching polar express in my PJs with Hunter, and the walk.

No comments: