I "know" alot of people. There are alot of different levels of "knowing". I do my blog thing here, I joined Myspace more to help Kierra's friends keep up with things too. The last holdout for me was joining Facebook. I knew nothing about it & figured it was just another Myspace. I finally joined & am so addicted to it. I even have it on my phone! It is the closest thing to grown-up contact I can get on such a frequent basis. I live a busy life. The few friends & family we have near us are very busy too. That leaves me with alot of kid time. Which, at times can be a blast, but not 24/7.
I had several people from high school contact me on FB (Facebook for the unknowing). I knew them, or knew "of them". It is great to reconnect with people who I may have otherwise never come accross again. Today I found someone I truly "knew" from back then. I wasn't sure they would remember me, but they did. It was fun to reconnect with someone who I had a genuine connection with so long ago. I have very dear friends from almost 30 years ago that I keep in touch with & am lucky to have close to me now. How wild it would be to not talk to them since way back then & just out of the blue one day say, "Hey, do you remember me?" & have them respond "WOW, yes I do"? I think part of that is because to me, I was invisible back then. I was among the un-noticed.
It was so funny several years ago, the girls & I went to one of the reunions that invited a couple years worth of Alumni, I think it was the 20th. Because I knew who all the popular people were (but never really "knew" them in school) & I am now fairly outgoing..haha.. they all thought I was someone significant. It was a blast. We are all grown up, in different worlds, but you put us all in a room & we tend to revert to who we were back then, or who we thought we were. We had a great time & I look forward to the next reunion. I think Brian's 30th should be this year, but we haven't heard anything about it. I'll have to check into it.
Anywho, this world is smaller than we think it is, & if we keep our eyes open, there's no telling what we'll see!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Chicken Cheese Lasagna
This is dinner for tonight. I just have to get motivated & get it made! Just like traditional lasagna, it is even better the next day!
CHICKEN-CHEESE LASAGNA
8 oz. lasagna, uncooked (about 9 or 10 noodles,)
2 c. cooked chicken, chopped
2 c. chicken broth
2 c. milk
1/2 c. flour
2 c. (16 oz.) Mozzarella cheese
1 c. grated Parmesan cheese
2 c. (16 oz.) cottage cheese (I use Ricotta Cheese)
2 (10 oz.) pkg. chopped spinach, thawed and drained
1 med. onion, chopped (approximately 1/2 c.)
2 cloves garlic, crushed (I use garlic powder)
1/2 c. butter
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
1 tsp. dried basil
1/2 tsp. oregano
Melt butter in saucepan, add flour, garlic, salt. Cook, stirring constantly until bubbly. Remove from heat. Add milk and chicken broth. Heat to boiling, stirring constantly, about 1 minute. Add onion, basil, oregano, pepper, 1/2 cup Parmesan cheese, Mozzarella cheese, stirring until cheese melts.
In ungreased 9x13x2 inch rectangular pan, pour 1/4 of cheese sauce (approximately 1 1/2 cup). Layer 3 or 4 lasagna noodles, overlapping if necessary. Spread 1 cup of cottage cheese over noodles, 1/4 of cheese sauce, 3 or 4 noodles, 1 cup cottage cheese, chopped spinach, chopped chicken, 1/4 cheese sauce, 3 or 4 noodles, remaining cheese sauce, sprinkle 1/2 cup Parmesan cheese on top. (I also top with Mozzarella.) Bake in 350 degree oven about 35-40 minutes.
CHICKEN-CHEESE LASAGNA
8 oz. lasagna, uncooked (about 9 or 10 noodles,)
2 c. cooked chicken, chopped
2 c. chicken broth
2 c. milk
1/2 c. flour
2 c. (16 oz.) Mozzarella cheese
1 c. grated Parmesan cheese
2 c. (16 oz.) cottage cheese (I use Ricotta Cheese)
2 (10 oz.) pkg. chopped spinach, thawed and drained
1 med. onion, chopped (approximately 1/2 c.)
2 cloves garlic, crushed (I use garlic powder)
1/2 c. butter
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
1 tsp. dried basil
1/2 tsp. oregano
Melt butter in saucepan, add flour, garlic, salt. Cook, stirring constantly until bubbly. Remove from heat. Add milk and chicken broth. Heat to boiling, stirring constantly, about 1 minute. Add onion, basil, oregano, pepper, 1/2 cup Parmesan cheese, Mozzarella cheese, stirring until cheese melts.
In ungreased 9x13x2 inch rectangular pan, pour 1/4 of cheese sauce (approximately 1 1/2 cup). Layer 3 or 4 lasagna noodles, overlapping if necessary. Spread 1 cup of cottage cheese over noodles, 1/4 of cheese sauce, 3 or 4 noodles, 1 cup cottage cheese, chopped spinach, chopped chicken, 1/4 cheese sauce, 3 or 4 noodles, remaining cheese sauce, sprinkle 1/2 cup Parmesan cheese on top. (I also top with Mozzarella.) Bake in 350 degree oven about 35-40 minutes.
It only hurts when I laugh!
*I had a huge debate w/ Hunter about "Double Dog Dares" & wether you HAVE to do them. After this intense discussion where he kept defending that you HAVE to do double dog dares, & I insisted you don't...he explained that was why he made his milk explode at lunch yesterday! ( I really had to work at not laughing! What he did was not funny, well, kind of, but the whole debate beforehand to help cover his own butt was!) I hope I convinced him to be his own person, that he can, & should, say NO when others try to get him to do something that he knows is wrong, or unsafe, or he just doesn't want to do. It is so hard to impress upon kids that what others think is not so important. Even at just 8 years old, he is influenced by the kids he spends his school day with. It is very important to him to be liked. I tried to reassure him & let him know, it is usually the kids who won't really be a good friend that try to get you to do things they know are wrong, or will get you into trouble. I wonder if it is a futile battle. But I will keep trying!
*Alexa caught Brian & I both by suprise last night. He walked in the door & before anyone else could say anything she ran up to him & said "Dad, we need to talk!" I was in the other room & couldn't help but laugh at how serious she sounded. I had no clue what was so important. He asked her to wait for him to get changed. The instant he came out of our room she was ready & waiting.... to tattle about something one of the boys had done! It had already been handled. She was just looking for some extra support & sympathy. Being Brian's Princess she thought he would defend her. He handled it well, but was thrilled I think that she thinks so much of him. I am so concerned how he will handle her manipulations when she is a teenager!
*We have been waiting for the Night at The Museum 2 movie to come out. The kids loved the previews & we have the first movie on DVD. Brian was off Monday so we met bri, Justin & some of his family at the theatre to see it. Tristan was sitting next to me. I almost choked on my popcorn when he quoted one of the lines that "The Thinker" sculpture says. He flexed his muscles & said "Boom, Boom, Firepowa". It was so funny because he said it when he saw the sculpture in the background of a scene..before the actual scene when he says it. He did it complete with accent..it was hilarious! He can be quite the mimic when he likes something. He picked up a word from the bobblehead Einsteins in the movie too, but I can't remember it. It is a long word, but it escapes me! I will post a note on here when I remember. (it wasn't Dumekopf)
(it was Vundeba!)
Now he is waiting for the movie "UP" because he likes Doug the Dog from the previews..I should make a DVD of kids movie previews & sell it as entertainment!
*Alexa caught Brian & I both by suprise last night. He walked in the door & before anyone else could say anything she ran up to him & said "Dad, we need to talk!" I was in the other room & couldn't help but laugh at how serious she sounded. I had no clue what was so important. He asked her to wait for him to get changed. The instant he came out of our room she was ready & waiting.... to tattle about something one of the boys had done! It had already been handled. She was just looking for some extra support & sympathy. Being Brian's Princess she thought he would defend her. He handled it well, but was thrilled I think that she thinks so much of him. I am so concerned how he will handle her manipulations when she is a teenager!
*We have been waiting for the Night at The Museum 2 movie to come out. The kids loved the previews & we have the first movie on DVD. Brian was off Monday so we met bri, Justin & some of his family at the theatre to see it. Tristan was sitting next to me. I almost choked on my popcorn when he quoted one of the lines that "The Thinker" sculpture says. He flexed his muscles & said "Boom, Boom, Firepowa". It was so funny because he said it when he saw the sculpture in the background of a scene..before the actual scene when he says it. He did it complete with accent..it was hilarious! He can be quite the mimic when he likes something. He picked up a word from the bobblehead Einsteins in the movie too, but I can't remember it. It is a long word, but it escapes me! I will post a note on here when I remember. (it wasn't Dumekopf)
(it was Vundeba!)
Now he is waiting for the movie "UP" because he likes Doug the Dog from the previews..I should make a DVD of kids movie previews & sell it as entertainment!
Dog Treat Recipes
My dog guru sis-in-law, Lisa sent me these for my lil sis Cricket to make for her new dog. I posted it on facebook & forgot to post it here!
DOG BISCUITS
Recipe #1
2 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
1/2 cup powdered dry milk
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
6 tbs. margarine or shortening
1 beaten egg
1 tsp. brown sugar
1/2 cup ice water
Preheat oven to 350F.
Combine flour, dry milk, and sugar. Mix in margarine or shortening until mixture resembles cornmeal. Mix in egg. Add enough cold water so that the mixture forms a ball. Pat out dough 1/2" thick on an oiled cookie sheet. Cut with doggie biscuit cutter and remove scraps. Pat out scraps and cut with biscuit cutter as before. Bake for 25-30 minutes.
Recipe #2
2 cups whole wheat flour
1/2 cup yellow cornmeal
1 tsp. garlic powder
1/4 cup grated Romano cheese
1 egg
1/2 cup plus 1 tsp. corn oil
1/2 cup chicken broth
Preheat oven to 350F.
Blend flour, cornmeal, garlic and cheese. In a small bowl beat egg with 1/4-cup oil and broth (use rest of oil to oil cookie sheet). Blend liquids into the dry ingredients with a fork. On an unfloured board work dough just enough to form a ball. Roll to 1/3" thickness. Cut biscuits and place on an oiled cookie sheet. Bake for 30 minutes.
DOG BISCUITS
Recipe #1
2 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
1/2 cup powdered dry milk
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
6 tbs. margarine or shortening
1 beaten egg
1 tsp. brown sugar
1/2 cup ice water
Preheat oven to 350F.
Combine flour, dry milk, and sugar. Mix in margarine or shortening until mixture resembles cornmeal. Mix in egg. Add enough cold water so that the mixture forms a ball. Pat out dough 1/2" thick on an oiled cookie sheet. Cut with doggie biscuit cutter and remove scraps. Pat out scraps and cut with biscuit cutter as before. Bake for 25-30 minutes.
Recipe #2
2 cups whole wheat flour
1/2 cup yellow cornmeal
1 tsp. garlic powder
1/4 cup grated Romano cheese
1 egg
1/2 cup plus 1 tsp. corn oil
1/2 cup chicken broth
Preheat oven to 350F.
Blend flour, cornmeal, garlic and cheese. In a small bowl beat egg with 1/4-cup oil and broth (use rest of oil to oil cookie sheet). Blend liquids into the dry ingredients with a fork. On an unfloured board work dough just enough to form a ball. Roll to 1/3" thickness. Cut biscuits and place on an oiled cookie sheet. Bake for 30 minutes.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Ham & Green Noodle Bake
Ham & Green Noodle Bake
1 Medium Onion, chopped (about 1/2 cup)
2 tblsp Margarine or Butter
2 Tblsp Flour
1/2 tsp Salt
1/4 tsp Pepper
1/4 tsp Dry Mustard
1 3/4 cups Milk
2 cups cut-up, fully cooked, Ham
1/2 cup shredded Swiss Cheese (about 2 ounces)
4 ounces uncooked Spinach Egg Noodles
2 tblsp Grated Parmesan Cheese
Garnish; (optional)
Twist of Lemon
Celery Leaves
Preheat Oven to 375 degrees.
Cook & stir onion in Margarine, (or butter), until tender.
Blend in flour, salt, pepper, & dry mustard.
Heat over low heat, stirring constantly, until bubbly; remove from heat.
Add milk; heat to boiling, stirring constantly.
Boil & stir 1 minute, then stir in ham & swiss cheese.
Cook noodles as directed on package; drain.
Alternate layers of noodles & sauce mixture in ungreased, 1 1/2 qt casserole dish, then sprinkle with parmesan cheese. *(I just mix it all together & use a 13x9x2 baking dish.)
Bake, uncovered, until bubbly & light brown, about 20 minutes.
Garnish with a twist of lemon & celery leaves if desired.
Makes 6 servings. About 260 calories per serving.
Had this in the freezer, made ahead. Thawed it out & dinner is done! One of Brian's favorites!
1 Medium Onion, chopped (about 1/2 cup)
2 tblsp Margarine or Butter
2 Tblsp Flour
1/2 tsp Salt
1/4 tsp Pepper
1/4 tsp Dry Mustard
1 3/4 cups Milk
2 cups cut-up, fully cooked, Ham
1/2 cup shredded Swiss Cheese (about 2 ounces)
4 ounces uncooked Spinach Egg Noodles
2 tblsp Grated Parmesan Cheese
Garnish; (optional)
Twist of Lemon
Celery Leaves
Preheat Oven to 375 degrees.
Cook & stir onion in Margarine, (or butter), until tender.
Blend in flour, salt, pepper, & dry mustard.
Heat over low heat, stirring constantly, until bubbly; remove from heat.
Add milk; heat to boiling, stirring constantly.
Boil & stir 1 minute, then stir in ham & swiss cheese.
Cook noodles as directed on package; drain.
Alternate layers of noodles & sauce mixture in ungreased, 1 1/2 qt casserole dish, then sprinkle with parmesan cheese. *(I just mix it all together & use a 13x9x2 baking dish.)
Bake, uncovered, until bubbly & light brown, about 20 minutes.
Garnish with a twist of lemon & celery leaves if desired.
Makes 6 servings. About 260 calories per serving.
Had this in the freezer, made ahead. Thawed it out & dinner is done! One of Brian's favorites!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
A long road..
Tha past 10 days have gone by in a kind of blur. One day seems pretty much the same as the day before. I have tons of nothing to do. I miss the kids, I miss driving, I miss sleeping in any position I want, I miss being able to do the simplest of tasks. And I have 4-5 more weeks to go! Even then, I will still be on restrictions, but alot of the daily tasks will be off the list. I am getting stronger day by day. Just taking a shower can wipe me out for a couple hours. I am trying to pace myself, but it is hard. I couldn't believe just cutting up some chicken put me in pain the other day. So I am being more careful. It is a long road, but I am walking it one step at a time!
Lobster, Crab, or Shrimp Bisque
From Paula Deen's The Lady & Son's Cookbook
I thought making bisque was going to be a big deal, one of those fussy recipes that takes alot of time. This was so easy & so very good! Brian likes texture to his soups so I didn't blend it at the end like she suggests. Sure to be a real crowd pleaser! Thanks to Brianne for bringing me fresh lobster from her trip to Maine. It doesn't make up for me not being able to go, but it sure makes being housebound easier to bear when there is Lobster Bisque to eat!
8 ounces of cooked crab, shrimp, or lobster meat
2 Tablespoons sherry, plus extra to taste
Pinch of thyme (I used dry, did fine)
3-4 green onions with tops, chopped
2 Tablespoons butter
One 10.5 oz can condensed tomato soup
1 soup can measure of milk
One 10.5 oz can condensed cream of mushroom soup
1 soup can measure of heavy cream
Chopped fresh parsley for garnish (optional)
Finely chop crab, shrimp, or lobster meat & marinate for 30 minutes in 2 tablespoons of Sherry & the pinch of thyme. Saute' the onions in 2 tablespoons butter until soft. Add the crab, shrimp, or lobster meat & cook over low heat for 3-5 minutes. In a seperate bowl, combine tomato soup with 1 soup can measure of milk, then blend in cream of mushroom soup & 1 soup can measure of heavy cream. Add the combined soup mixture to the saute' of onions & crab, shrimp, or lobster meat. Stir well, simmer for 3-5 minutes on low heat. Add more sherry to personal preference. (I didn't find it needed more for our taste.) Cool, then mix in blender until thick & smooth. To serve, reheat in double boiler. Garnish with fresh parsley & serve.
(I don't have a double boiler. I used a non-stick pan on very low heat to reheat & it was fine.)
Enjoy!
I thought making bisque was going to be a big deal, one of those fussy recipes that takes alot of time. This was so easy & so very good! Brian likes texture to his soups so I didn't blend it at the end like she suggests. Sure to be a real crowd pleaser! Thanks to Brianne for bringing me fresh lobster from her trip to Maine. It doesn't make up for me not being able to go, but it sure makes being housebound easier to bear when there is Lobster Bisque to eat!
8 ounces of cooked crab, shrimp, or lobster meat
2 Tablespoons sherry, plus extra to taste
Pinch of thyme (I used dry, did fine)
3-4 green onions with tops, chopped
2 Tablespoons butter
One 10.5 oz can condensed tomato soup
1 soup can measure of milk
One 10.5 oz can condensed cream of mushroom soup
1 soup can measure of heavy cream
Chopped fresh parsley for garnish (optional)
Finely chop crab, shrimp, or lobster meat & marinate for 30 minutes in 2 tablespoons of Sherry & the pinch of thyme. Saute' the onions in 2 tablespoons butter until soft. Add the crab, shrimp, or lobster meat & cook over low heat for 3-5 minutes. In a seperate bowl, combine tomato soup with 1 soup can measure of milk, then blend in cream of mushroom soup & 1 soup can measure of heavy cream. Add the combined soup mixture to the saute' of onions & crab, shrimp, or lobster meat. Stir well, simmer for 3-5 minutes on low heat. Add more sherry to personal preference. (I didn't find it needed more for our taste.) Cool, then mix in blender until thick & smooth. To serve, reheat in double boiler. Garnish with fresh parsley & serve.
(I don't have a double boiler. I used a non-stick pan on very low heat to reheat & it was fine.)
Enjoy!
Friday, May 15, 2009
Home
I came home last night. Settling in today. Trying to rest, eat right, & drink lots of fluids. Very limited on what I can do, walking is enough exertion for me right now. I am not a huge pain pill person. I am taking one rather than the 2 they say I can take. It usually makes me feel loopy & sick if I take 2, so one works for now. They ended up having to do the full open abdominal procedure which is more painful & more restrictive recovery. It is what it is, at least it is over & I am on the mend.
Lisa Spradlin came by to visit & check on me today. It was good to see her. Terri & Dwight brought the kids over. It was really good to see them & get some hugs. Dwight rescued an earring I dropped down my sink drain this morning, & he tried to set up a camera & skype on my laptop so I can communicate with the kids more while they are at their house. Have to find the driver for the camera. I hadn't thought of that, great idea!
Had to go online & handle some paperwork for my horses so thought I would update here real quick as well. I get tired so easy, & the pain can come on strong when I sit up for too long. I am not superwoman, & trust me, I do not want to prolong this recovery at all! I will keep in touch when I can. Thanks for all your thoughts & prayers. ttfn
Lisa Spradlin came by to visit & check on me today. It was good to see her. Terri & Dwight brought the kids over. It was really good to see them & get some hugs. Dwight rescued an earring I dropped down my sink drain this morning, & he tried to set up a camera & skype on my laptop so I can communicate with the kids more while they are at their house. Have to find the driver for the camera. I hadn't thought of that, great idea!
Had to go online & handle some paperwork for my horses so thought I would update here real quick as well. I get tired so easy, & the pain can come on strong when I sit up for too long. I am not superwoman, & trust me, I do not want to prolong this recovery at all! I will keep in touch when I can. Thanks for all your thoughts & prayers. ttfn
Monday, May 11, 2009
Surgery & Recovery..
I will be having a total abdominal hysterectomy today at 2:30. They are doing the open abdominal method instead of a laparoscopic method so I will be in the hospital a bit longer & my recovery will be a bit more restricted & extended than I had originally planned. But it is what it is so onward we go!
If all goes well, & I am sure it will, I should come home from the hospital on Thursday afternoon. I will try to keep in touch with everyone in the next day or so, depending on how I feel. I will have plenty of time to blog during my recovery, so I will catch up on things then.
If all goes well, & I am sure it will, I should come home from the hospital on Thursday afternoon. I will try to keep in touch with everyone in the next day or so, depending on how I feel. I will have plenty of time to blog during my recovery, so I will catch up on things then.
Sunday, May 03, 2009
Fun in the Sun
Today Brian & I took the kids to the Fernandina Shrimp Festival. We used to go as a family with the older 3 kids & then with Hunter when he came along.We haven't been able to climb over the hurdle of grief since Kierra died to all go together. I think Bri & I came last year. So this was a big step for Brian to go. It was a good day. As with everything we do with the kids that we used to do with the older ones, it was different, and we are different too. And sometimes that can be a good thing. It helps us make new memories, it helps soothe the pain that can come when we are reminded of what we have lost.
Memories like these;
Tristan gave us a new word..Whisbee. That is his version of frisbee. Even when we told him the correct way to say it, he stuck with Whisbee!
Alexa tends to be "in charge". When we were driving home she was heard saying "Boys, I am talking now, boys..I am talking!" (I thought for a moment she was channeling her mother!)
So it was a great day! And to finish it off I am going to see Wicked (the musical) with Brianne tonight. It is my un-mother's day gift from her. More memories to make!
Memories like these;
Tristan gave us a new word..Whisbee. That is his version of frisbee. Even when we told him the correct way to say it, he stuck with Whisbee!
Alexa tends to be "in charge". When we were driving home she was heard saying "Boys, I am talking now, boys..I am talking!" (I thought for a moment she was channeling her mother!)
So it was a great day! And to finish it off I am going to see Wicked (the musical) with Brianne tonight. It is my un-mother's day gift from her. More memories to make!
Saturday, May 02, 2009
Seeing Both Sides..
I talk alot about parenting, mostly because that is the focus of my life right now.. again.. still. But I have not always been a parent. Some younger people may think I don't know what it is like to have parents who don't understand. I do not speak of what I do not know.
I worked & went to school. I didn't do much else & didn't have a car. But I did have a boyfriend, one they didn't approve of. Most parents don't approve of anyone when their daughter is only 16 years old! I babysat my younger brother & sister because both my parents worked full time. I did the majority of house chores for the same reason. By the way.. we did not have a dishwasher, were not allowed to use the dryer..so everything got hung on a clothesline, and although we lived in central Florida, we did not have central air conditioning. I was not allowed to have anyone over & I was not allowed to go to anyone else's house. Life was not fun & it was not easy. I moved out of my parent's house on my 17th birthday while they were at work. I left after several weeks of constant conflict & ultimatums.
It wasn't much more fun or any easier when I left their home & moved in with my boyfriend. I thought it would be, I thought I had all the answers. I had alot of hard lessons to learn & did not have my parents help or support to learn them. I didn't speak to them for several months. It changed our relationship forever.
I may not always agree with how my parents did things, or sometimes how they do things still. But they did the best they could with what they had. I always said I would never have so many kids. My mother had 7. I will have raised 6 including the twins. Never say never!
I love my parents, I am who I am because of them, good, bad & indifferent. All the parts of my life have molded me into the person I am today. Even the bad parts. I see things from a different perspective than I did on my 17th birthday. I thought alot about my struggles back then when I was making decisions about my children during the difficult teenage years. I could have shyed from what I felt we needed to do because I didn't want my children to suffer or struggle. But they had a part in those choices as well.
Life is a constant struggle, wether we are thriving or just surviving. I have 3 more children to raise up through those teenage years. Every child has been different, and I know these 3 will have their own challenges & obstacles to get through. I am not sure what those years will be like. I do know I will do the best I can for them, and for us. Whatever may come.
I worked & went to school. I didn't do much else & didn't have a car. But I did have a boyfriend, one they didn't approve of. Most parents don't approve of anyone when their daughter is only 16 years old! I babysat my younger brother & sister because both my parents worked full time. I did the majority of house chores for the same reason. By the way.. we did not have a dishwasher, were not allowed to use the dryer..so everything got hung on a clothesline, and although we lived in central Florida, we did not have central air conditioning. I was not allowed to have anyone over & I was not allowed to go to anyone else's house. Life was not fun & it was not easy. I moved out of my parent's house on my 17th birthday while they were at work. I left after several weeks of constant conflict & ultimatums.
It wasn't much more fun or any easier when I left their home & moved in with my boyfriend. I thought it would be, I thought I had all the answers. I had alot of hard lessons to learn & did not have my parents help or support to learn them. I didn't speak to them for several months. It changed our relationship forever.
I may not always agree with how my parents did things, or sometimes how they do things still. But they did the best they could with what they had. I always said I would never have so many kids. My mother had 7. I will have raised 6 including the twins. Never say never!
I love my parents, I am who I am because of them, good, bad & indifferent. All the parts of my life have molded me into the person I am today. Even the bad parts. I see things from a different perspective than I did on my 17th birthday. I thought alot about my struggles back then when I was making decisions about my children during the difficult teenage years. I could have shyed from what I felt we needed to do because I didn't want my children to suffer or struggle. But they had a part in those choices as well.
Life is a constant struggle, wether we are thriving or just surviving. I have 3 more children to raise up through those teenage years. Every child has been different, and I know these 3 will have their own challenges & obstacles to get through. I am not sure what those years will be like. I do know I will do the best I can for them, and for us. Whatever may come.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Have an umbrella handy..
I have been hunting through old posts, (there are 852 of them!) thinking I could just repost something I had already written. But none of them said quite the same thing as I wanted to say. It was good to read back over some, emotional to read back over others. I just put in search blog for things like "choices", "respect", etc. to see what was there.
I had a discussion recently about the choices I made with Kierra when we were going through some rough times with her. At one point we had to make the choice to have her move out. Yes, "had to". She was 18, in her senior year of high school. We had several discussions with her about house rules & her behavior. She chose to continue to break those rules & disrespect us. I had 2 other younger teenagers watching & learning from her and had to decide to give in & let them all run rampant, or give her the final choice to shape up or ship out. She chose the choice which resulted in her having to move out. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. It broke my heart. I was asked if I regretted that or felt guilty. I wish it hadn't been necessary. But I honestly believe we would have lost her sooner if that hadn't happened. She was on a destructive path & there was nothing else we could do that would have stopped her. It took her years to get herself to a responsible point in her life. But I was proud of her choices as she got older. Not all of them , but most of them. I am proud of her choices with the twins. Both having them & wanting to make a better life for them.
That wasn't the only time we had to make a difficult choice with Kierra as a parent. I believe those choices also made a big difference with Brianne & Chad as they got older. All choices have a domino effect, both good & bad ones. Parenting is one of the most difficult things you will ever do. It doesn't always allow us to be their friends. It sometimes breaks our hearts to do what is best for them.
The rewards aren't always what we expected or wanted them to be. Most days it can be the hardest thing we have ever done. But some days it feeds our soul, it brings light to a heart that is heavy with darkness. Some days it gives us a reason to get out of bed, (yes, some days it makes us not want to get out of bed either!)But it gives us a reason to breathe our next breath.
No one ever said it would be easy. No one ever gave us a hand book on how to raise the perfect child & be the perfect parent. So we take it one day at a time, one breath at a time, one step at a time. The important thing is..keep breathing, keep walking forward, keep going, there is light at the end of that tunnel, there is light in that life you created. Even if it looks dark today, there is light in there somewhere, and at some point it will shine. Just have an umbrella handy for the rainy days when it feels like it is pouring down all around you!
I had a discussion recently about the choices I made with Kierra when we were going through some rough times with her. At one point we had to make the choice to have her move out. Yes, "had to". She was 18, in her senior year of high school. We had several discussions with her about house rules & her behavior. She chose to continue to break those rules & disrespect us. I had 2 other younger teenagers watching & learning from her and had to decide to give in & let them all run rampant, or give her the final choice to shape up or ship out. She chose the choice which resulted in her having to move out. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. It broke my heart. I was asked if I regretted that or felt guilty. I wish it hadn't been necessary. But I honestly believe we would have lost her sooner if that hadn't happened. She was on a destructive path & there was nothing else we could do that would have stopped her. It took her years to get herself to a responsible point in her life. But I was proud of her choices as she got older. Not all of them , but most of them. I am proud of her choices with the twins. Both having them & wanting to make a better life for them.
That wasn't the only time we had to make a difficult choice with Kierra as a parent. I believe those choices also made a big difference with Brianne & Chad as they got older. All choices have a domino effect, both good & bad ones. Parenting is one of the most difficult things you will ever do. It doesn't always allow us to be their friends. It sometimes breaks our hearts to do what is best for them.
The rewards aren't always what we expected or wanted them to be. Most days it can be the hardest thing we have ever done. But some days it feeds our soul, it brings light to a heart that is heavy with darkness. Some days it gives us a reason to get out of bed, (yes, some days it makes us not want to get out of bed either!)But it gives us a reason to breathe our next breath.
No one ever said it would be easy. No one ever gave us a hand book on how to raise the perfect child & be the perfect parent. So we take it one day at a time, one breath at a time, one step at a time. The important thing is..keep breathing, keep walking forward, keep going, there is light at the end of that tunnel, there is light in that life you created. Even if it looks dark today, there is light in there somewhere, and at some point it will shine. Just have an umbrella handy for the rainy days when it feels like it is pouring down all around you!
Monday, April 27, 2009
New surgery date.
May 11th at 2:20 pm. I got a med list straight from the hospital & have stopped the meds they want stopped. I have new presurgical appts. with all my docs.(although that doesn't seem to do much good since I did that last week & they forgot to take me off those meds!!) So I will get things ready again and we'll see how it all goes between now & then!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
surgery cancelled for 2 weeks
It has been a crazy week with field trips, school projects & getting ready for my surgery. Then Friday afternoon I found out my surgery has to be cancelled & rescheduled for 2 weeks form now. I have meds that I should have stopped taking 2 weeks prior to surgery, but no one told me. So now I have to reschedule the whole thing. They will let me know tomorrow when the new surgery date is. I am glad the anesthesiologist caught it, he actually refused to do the surgery until I had been off the meds for 2 weeks. I understand why, just am major mad that neither my specialist or my primary Dr.s caught it & have wasted my time. I will update ya'll as I know what is going on. Just more chaos to add to the mix! Same stuff different day.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Game Basket for Hunter's Class
This is one of two baskets I have been working on for the boy's school. I am room Mom for each class & no one else offered. I did get a Mom from Tristan's class who is helping me with his. We will finish that one up tomorrow. It is a much bigger "basket"! I am glad it is just about done! I can't imagine how crazy it will be next year with all 3 kids attending the same school!!
The Karate Kids 4.20.09
Alexa has decided to do Karate instead of dance. I figured she would. She earned her white belt by the end of her first class! The boys better watch out, she may get her black belt before they do!
Baskets, a break, & crazy coincidence..
Hunter & Tristan's school is having a BBQ/Basket Auction. Actually they changed it to a Basket Raffle. There are baskets filled with everything from Coffee to gardening stuff (they fill up a wheelbarrow!). Tristan's class is doing Camping & Hunter's is Family Game Night. Thankfully another Mom is helping me with Tristan's so I don't have to do everything for both! I have been busy gathering all the stuff and putting the basket together this morning. I ended up using a laundry basket for the games because the storage bin I got is too small. The school receptionist saved us on that one because I only got 2 parents who donated from the class. Pam bought & donated 6 board games, & I picked up a bunch of stuff too. We are using a cooler on wheels for the Camping stuff, it is going to be awesome! We had alot of participation from the parents for that one.
I decided to take a break, eat a popsicle, & put my feet up for a few minutes. I flipped on the TV & guess what was on? That movie Dragonfly that was also on in the wee hours of this morning. The one I just blogged about in my last post. I am not watching it again. It was at the same spot in the movie as when I turned it on last night. Crazy coincidence, huh?
I decided to take a break, eat a popsicle, & put my feet up for a few minutes. I flipped on the TV & guess what was on? That movie Dragonfly that was also on in the wee hours of this morning. The one I just blogged about in my last post. I am not watching it again. It was at the same spot in the movie as when I turned it on last night. Crazy coincidence, huh?
Dragonflies..
There are many times I don't sleep at night, like now, when all is quiet & my mind & body won't let me rest. I find quiet things to do. Tonight, after I cleaned the kitchen from a major cooking marathon today, I did a couple Sudoku puzzles, got the kid's backpacks ready for tomorrow, filled out some pre-registration forms for the boy's school term in the fall, filled out a field trip form, updated my calendar, & posted some pix to my photo gallery. During all this I occasionally flip through channels on the TV to see what is on. In the wee hours of this morning I found a movie that I have seen many, many times. It seems to be on often in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. It is the movie "Dragonfly" with Kevin Costner. It is about his wife dying in an accident in a foreign country working for the Red Cross. He thinks he is getting messages from her. (there is more to it than that, but this is the condensed version) In the end he travels to where she died and ends up in a remote village cut off from civilization. The natives tell him they knew his wife when she was alive. They couldn't save her body, but they saved her soul. They take him into a hut and there he finds his baby girl who was born premature and somehow survived. One of the main "signs" he kept getting from his wife was a dragonfly. The baby had a birthmark shaped like a dragonfly. It is one of those sad movies with a happy ending.
Of course it reminds me of Kie. She loved Dragonflies. They always remind me of her. I do believe there are "signs" of different sorts if we are open to it & pay attention. Not quite as extreme as in the movie, but I do believe. I like the idea that the baby is her soul. I like to think a part of Kie's soul is in each of her children. There are alot of little, subtle things I like to think are Kie saying hello. They may not be, but it works for me.
I have mentioned before about Mada's song, "I can only Imagine" coming on the radio several times on every station I changed it to on the day Kierra died. I don't hear it often, but when I do, I think of Mada. (I know this will be TMI, but there is a point to it!) The other night I was waiting for Brian to come home. I lit candles, put on something new & silky, turned on the radio to the easy listening station and lay there waiting. Mada's song is a religious song, it does not usually come on the stations I listen to. It came on while I was laying there & I immediately thought.."Mada, just like my kids, you have poor timing to interrupt my mood, & you're too young to know about this anyway!" Then I realized she would have been 21 years old on April 16th. She passed when she was 15. I tend to forget she would have been old enough to know quite a bit, & would have probably taught us a thing or two! She would have probably thought it funny that at my age I was waiting for my husband with all the trappings set up for him. I enjoyed those moments "with" her and the image it gave me of the young woman she would have become. Then I told her it was time for Brian to come home, she needed to go visit someone else!
Was it a "sign"? However you think of it, it was a connection for me to her, and my thoughts & memories of her. It is the same with the things that remind me of Kierra. Not just when I choose to think of her, but whenever I get any type of "sign" or "message" that gets my attention. Like Dragonflies..
Of course it reminds me of Kie. She loved Dragonflies. They always remind me of her. I do believe there are "signs" of different sorts if we are open to it & pay attention. Not quite as extreme as in the movie, but I do believe. I like the idea that the baby is her soul. I like to think a part of Kie's soul is in each of her children. There are alot of little, subtle things I like to think are Kie saying hello. They may not be, but it works for me.
I have mentioned before about Mada's song, "I can only Imagine" coming on the radio several times on every station I changed it to on the day Kierra died. I don't hear it often, but when I do, I think of Mada. (I know this will be TMI, but there is a point to it!) The other night I was waiting for Brian to come home. I lit candles, put on something new & silky, turned on the radio to the easy listening station and lay there waiting. Mada's song is a religious song, it does not usually come on the stations I listen to. It came on while I was laying there & I immediately thought.."Mada, just like my kids, you have poor timing to interrupt my mood, & you're too young to know about this anyway!" Then I realized she would have been 21 years old on April 16th. She passed when she was 15. I tend to forget she would have been old enough to know quite a bit, & would have probably taught us a thing or two! She would have probably thought it funny that at my age I was waiting for my husband with all the trappings set up for him. I enjoyed those moments "with" her and the image it gave me of the young woman she would have become. Then I told her it was time for Brian to come home, she needed to go visit someone else!
Was it a "sign"? However you think of it, it was a connection for me to her, and my thoughts & memories of her. It is the same with the things that remind me of Kierra. Not just when I choose to think of her, but whenever I get any type of "sign" or "message" that gets my attention. Like Dragonflies..
alexa with her rose bush 4.18.09
Alexa got to spend the night at Greta's Friday night. Then they went shopping for flowers to plant. Alexa picked this purple rose bush. Those were Kierra's favorite. She had a blast planting flowers with her Nana. Greta even got her Dora gardening gloves and tools. She's not spoiled at all is she?!
I also posted the boy's Spring School pix onthe photo gallery, so as usual, click on this pic to go to the gallery and check them out!
I also posted the boy's Spring School pix onthe photo gallery, so as usual, click on this pic to go to the gallery and check them out!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Time keeps on ticking..
Time flies by & I can't keep up! Between the boy's karate classes, a major project for each of the boy's classes, preparing for my surgery on the 28th, & all the day to day stuff..I am running non-stop! Of course, as Savannah says.."that's how I roll"..LOL. I am trying to keep up with the lingo so I am not considered totally archaic when the kids hit the teen years! Which, the way life speeds by, will be any day now!
I keep reminding myself that getting through the next 6-8 weeks will get me healthier than I have been in years. My Dr. says alot of the health issues that have plagued me for years can be tracked back to these tumors and the anemia. It makes sense, I just can't imagine being rid of all the ailments that the Dr.s couldn't seem to resolve for me before. A hysterectomy is major surgery, I get that. But I am not nervous or worried about it. I am relieved to finally have answers and an end in sight. I have had many surgeries, so I guess that takes away some of the fear factor for me. I am not concerned about the surgery itself, I am not looking forward to how badly I react to anesthesia. I have an appt. with the anesthesiologist before the day of sx to see what can be done to alleviate some of my bad reactions. Knowing myself, I have to say I am worried about complying to all the restrictions I will have during the 6-8 week recovery process.
My head accepts that it isn't the actual surgery I will be recovering from, it is the gaping hole in my body where my organs have to resettle & support each other since my uterus won't be there to do the job. My mind knows the importance of that. My mind understands how important it is.
My mind also knows how crazy it will drive me that I can't even push the vaccum cleaner for 6 weeks. Some of you are thinking..Vaccum? how strenuous is that? I thought the same thing. Then my Doc had me tighten & hold in my stomach muscles the entire time while vaccuming. Then release those muscles when done. I never knew how much you use your abdominal muscles to vaccum! The same with lifting & carrying any amount of clothes in a laundry basket. Those are such trivial tasks to me. I have to keep reminding myself that doing this right will directly affect how completely I recover and what my general health will be when all is said & done.
I am supposed to be on limited activity now. I have not been horse back riding or kayaking. I have not been taking walks or running any marathons. That is about as limited as I can get. In a fantasy world I would have someone else to clean house, do laundry, taxi the kids to school, karate, appts., cook, etc. In my world it is usually a one woman show. I have wonderful friends & family who help when they can. I have a husband who works way too much and tries to do what he can when he is home. But the reality of it is.. I am it. And that's okay. I am not complaining. I am trying to convince myself that I can change all that for 6-8 weeks. See..doesn't sound so easy does it? I will do what I have to do to recover the best way possible. I will remove the vaccum cleaner from the house if I have to (and I might!).
That is the part I worry about. Not being in the hospital, not the actual surgery, not the pain. I worry about not being able to do what I've always done, what needs to be done. I worry that I will screw up my recovery and cause complications. The control freak that I am is having a hard time accepting that I will not have control of everything around me, I will have to control myself. As those who love me can attest..I do not do that well!
It will be interesting to see if this changes me long term. If this makes me different somehow. It takes 21 days to create a habit. 21 times of repeating something for it to stick. So what will I change about myself in 42-56 days? Just the idea of it already gives me way too much time to think!
I keep reminding myself that getting through the next 6-8 weeks will get me healthier than I have been in years. My Dr. says alot of the health issues that have plagued me for years can be tracked back to these tumors and the anemia. It makes sense, I just can't imagine being rid of all the ailments that the Dr.s couldn't seem to resolve for me before. A hysterectomy is major surgery, I get that. But I am not nervous or worried about it. I am relieved to finally have answers and an end in sight. I have had many surgeries, so I guess that takes away some of the fear factor for me. I am not concerned about the surgery itself, I am not looking forward to how badly I react to anesthesia. I have an appt. with the anesthesiologist before the day of sx to see what can be done to alleviate some of my bad reactions. Knowing myself, I have to say I am worried about complying to all the restrictions I will have during the 6-8 week recovery process.
My head accepts that it isn't the actual surgery I will be recovering from, it is the gaping hole in my body where my organs have to resettle & support each other since my uterus won't be there to do the job. My mind knows the importance of that. My mind understands how important it is.
My mind also knows how crazy it will drive me that I can't even push the vaccum cleaner for 6 weeks. Some of you are thinking..Vaccum? how strenuous is that? I thought the same thing. Then my Doc had me tighten & hold in my stomach muscles the entire time while vaccuming. Then release those muscles when done. I never knew how much you use your abdominal muscles to vaccum! The same with lifting & carrying any amount of clothes in a laundry basket. Those are such trivial tasks to me. I have to keep reminding myself that doing this right will directly affect how completely I recover and what my general health will be when all is said & done.
I am supposed to be on limited activity now. I have not been horse back riding or kayaking. I have not been taking walks or running any marathons. That is about as limited as I can get. In a fantasy world I would have someone else to clean house, do laundry, taxi the kids to school, karate, appts., cook, etc. In my world it is usually a one woman show. I have wonderful friends & family who help when they can. I have a husband who works way too much and tries to do what he can when he is home. But the reality of it is.. I am it. And that's okay. I am not complaining. I am trying to convince myself that I can change all that for 6-8 weeks. See..doesn't sound so easy does it? I will do what I have to do to recover the best way possible. I will remove the vaccum cleaner from the house if I have to (and I might!).
That is the part I worry about. Not being in the hospital, not the actual surgery, not the pain. I worry about not being able to do what I've always done, what needs to be done. I worry that I will screw up my recovery and cause complications. The control freak that I am is having a hard time accepting that I will not have control of everything around me, I will have to control myself. As those who love me can attest..I do not do that well!
It will be interesting to see if this changes me long term. If this makes me different somehow. It takes 21 days to create a habit. 21 times of repeating something for it to stick. So what will I change about myself in 42-56 days? Just the idea of it already gives me way too much time to think!
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