The simple life..

I remember a time when life was so much simpler. I remember a time when distance made the heart grow fonder & so many things in life were free! Now gas prices are higher than ever before & the cost of living life in this day & age has an expensive pricetag emotionally & financially. A price too high at times.
I think back to when my older children were very young. We survived on alot less money than we have now, of course, we lived simpler then too. We have a home now after so many years of renting while Brian was in the Air Force. We have so much more now than we had back then. But is that really a good thing? Now with the failing economy, and all that goes with that, we struggle to survive.
I am considering going to school in the fall. I am thinking of going to Culinary School. I want to have a catering business or a small cafe at some point. Some education to back that up will help alot. It takes more than just liking to cook to make it a business. I keep thinking of what I could do that I would really enjoy doing. That is top of my list. I am not sure if that is a realistic goal or not. I think part of it is needing to take control of my life again rather than just navigating the rapids as I float down the river.
I am not sure there is a way to make our lives simpler, but I have to have hope it will get better.

You never really know someone..

I wish I could get inside people's heads so I could figure out what the hell they are thinking! So I could make their brain work & help them understand that they just aren't getting what I am trying to do/say.
My hubby says I give too much, do too much. Maybe I do. He feels I don't get enough consideration/ appreciation for my time & trouble. There are times I don't. Getting something back isn't why I do it. I thought I was helping someone out of a bad situation. I thought they wanted a better life, a place of their own. But I am getting burned out. I don't have the energy to constantly make someone else feel better. I can't help someone who won't help themselves.
I wonder sometimes what it would be like to have dinner fixed for me once in a while. I wonder what it would be like to be invited out to do something I like to do & have them actually pay for a change. It isn't just about that, there is so much more. It is about simple consideration.
But it gets turned around & twisted. We don't care, we don't understand. We are pushing them out when they thought this was a "forever" situation. They hear what they want to hear & hear nothing else. It is hurtful to give so much, to care so much & have it thrown aside so callously. Like a child's temper tantrum when they throw & break their toys. If we didn't care we wouldn't have opened our home, rearranged our children & home to accomodate them.
Yet none of that counts, providing everything for them has meant nothing. To feel used up & thrown aside isn't new to me, it's just been a long time since I let someone get close enough to do that to me. To feel like I was a means to an end, to be drained and turned into the bad guy really sucks. I didn't think it would become such a negative situation.
It will be a very long time before I help someone again. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.. I have several routes to choose from!

For Brian.. Jes Voux Aime' Beaucoup

I came accross one of many journals I have kept over the years. There were entries from when Brian was deployed with Desert Storm. I had to fly from England to St. Petersburg, FL with the 3 older kiddos who were 11, 8, & 6 at the time. It was a 16 hour series of flights. All I could think of despite all the traveling & chaos was "Brian will be at the other end." That was Oct. 25, 1992. Here are a couple short poems I wrote for him while we were on our way..

On wings of air I am carried to you,
floating amoung clouds so blue.

My pulse quickens, my heart's a flutter,
the words rush out, all in a stutter.

How to express something so deep,
to give you my heart & soul to keep.

You are my life, my precious lover,
come to me now, I want no other.

_________________________________________

The ache..
so deep
so pure
It's physical

The need..
so great
so pure
It's physical

The love..
so strong
so pure
It's yours..

mjs 10/25/1992

Don't Make Me Come Up There..

I remember like it was yesterday
Saying the things we always say
Laughs & giggles, time for bed
Hearing noises over my head

Don’t make me come up there
I’m counting to three
Don’t make me come up there
I will, you wait & see

You stomping up the stairs
Slamming doors without a care
Wishing you would lose that frown
Hoping you would settle down

Don’t make me come up there
I’m counting to three
Don’t make me come up there
I will, you wait & see

Watching you sprout your wings
Packing up all your things
Going out on your own
Living so far from home

Don’t make me come up there
I’m counting to three
Don’t make me come up there
I will, you wait & see

Wish you were still up in your room
Your life ended way too soon
I remember like it was yesterday
Heaven is just too far away

Don’t make me come up there
I’m counting to three
Don’t make me come up there
I will, you wait & see

Mjs 2/10/11

Corn Chowder

I am creating this recipe based on what I had available to make it today. I don't have a set recipe for this. You can use the basic recipe for this to make clam chowder or fish chowder instead of corn chowder.

*28 oz potatoes (sunrise medley with white, red, & purple potatoes)cut into small bite size pieces. (Can also use 6-8 regular potatoes, cut up)
*1/2 cup minced sweet onion
*8 strips bacon chopped up into small pieces

Boil above items in large pan (dutch oven works well) for about 30-45 minutes, until potatoes are cooked. Just cover with water, don't overfill.

Add
*1 can of evaporated milk
*1 stick of butter
*1 can of whole kernel corn with water, do not drain
*2 cans of cream style corn
(if you don't have cream style corn you can use 3 whole kernel & add 1 pkg of instant potatoes to thicken the chowder)
*Use salt & pepper to taste. I use Morton's Nature's Seasoning which also has garlic in it.

Let simmer for 15-20 minutes.

You can tweek this to your own preferences. Sometimes I add green onion when ready to simmer it instead of regular onion at the beginning.