That was then, this is now..

What a difference 25 years can make! I am at my friend, Regina's, in St. Pete. It was just a quick overnight trip to attend our 25th High School Reunion last night. I head back home today. Mary came in from Ohio and stayed at Gina's too. It was good to see some people who weren't at the 20th reunion. I never went to the 10th. It was a good time. Of course, just like high school, it was the company that made it fun. There were still the "clique's" there were back then, but almost everyone mixed and mingled. I won the prize for having the most grandchildren, and for being married the longest. That was pretty cool. We drank and we danced. We touched base with old friends. For me 1981 wasn't about high school. It was about moving to Indiana, starting what I thought was a new, good life. It was about the birth of my first child. It was desperately wanting to give Kierra a happy, healthy life. High school took a back seat to all that. So when I think of 1981, the nostalgia of high school really doesn't do much for me. I was invisible in high school. Other then the select few friends, most of whom are still in my life, I didn't "know" anyone. I didn't join any clubs or do much of anything. So it was the same as back then.. being on the outside of the little groups looking in. But it was interesting for me. I used to look at them 25 years ago and think I wanted their life. I wanted better than what I had. As much as I would give not to have Kierra gone, I would not give my life to anyone. I would not give up loving the people I love. I would not give up being who I am. I was a meek young girl, too unsure of myself to be my own person. Too unsure to speak up for myself. Too invisible for most people last night to remember who I was. A far cry from who I am now. I found myself looking at the small photo book I brought of the kids, and it made me smile. I called Brian twice to dance with him over the phone. I stood there moving to the music with his voice against my ear. They are what is important to me, they are the biggest part of who I am. Not the only part, but the most important. So I look back as if standing from a distance, not yearning to go back to what some consider the best years of their lives. The "best" years started for me after that, with the birth of Kierra, then along came Brian, then Brianne, Chad, Hunter, Alexa & Tristan. It wasn't always easy, but it was what it was... my life. Just as it is now. Not always easy... but mine.