This may be a true sign of insanity, but I took the three munchkins to Sea World by myself on Sunday (yesterday). I took them down to Orlando Saturday night, then we did Sea World until they got tired, swam in the hotel pool and stayed over last night. (Hunter had no school today.) We got home about 1:30 today. Hunter & I have yearly passes and the twins are free.. until they turn 3!
I thought I needed time away, time to be around other people and time away from the kids. I couldn't figure out why the cruise wasn't all I had thought it would be. You would think handling all three kids by myself would have the opposite effect, but it really recharged me. It helped me refocus and force all the other crap out of my head. You can't be worrying what might happen in court next week when you have 3 kids in a swimming pool with you. You can't stay depressed when you have 3 kids laughing and running around you while they chase water geysers in a play ground splash zone. Or the excitement on their faces when they see a clydesdale up close and are in awe of it's size. To see and hear the joy they get from seeing penguins swimming in the water and waddling in the snow. To see the moment of wonder when Alexa touched the glass and a dolphin swam up to her hand in the underwater viewing area. She would have stayed there all day if the boys hadn't been so impatient to move on to the next adventure.
To sit in the quiet and listen to them sleep. I took my insomnia with me, but I wrote a 5 page letter to a dear friend who doesn't get online to read this, and I read another Nora Roberts Novel.
I realized how much Hunter is growing up and what a great kid he is, although I already knew that! He was so helpful and so patient. He was okay that we were limited by the stroller and the fact that I was the only adult there. Little things constantly amaze me with him. I carried his back pack on the stroller on the way to the car this morning and when he offered to carry it, he said.." Thanks for carrying it for me Mom, I hope it wasn't too much trouble." Where does that come from?? He was quick all weekend to open doors for me and pick things up the minute Tristan or Alexa dropped (or threw!) them out of the stroller. I am so proud of him.
I didn't have anything or anyone else to distract me. My entire focus was on them. Everything we did was at their pace. I am amazed how much better I feel today. Things are still crazy here at home, and they are bound to get crazier. But I am reaffirmed in my mindset that what we are doing and all we are going through will be to the benefit of these children someday. And I will not question if it was all worth it when it is all over, because nothing will bring Kierra back to me, nothing will ever make it right again. But I will give her children a better future and I will give them all the love I have. Insanity included.
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