Guilty..

I am not sure how I feel tonight. Ghazi pled Guilty, by convenience. Which means he pled guilty because it was in his best interest, but he still maintains his claim of innocence. He pled that to 2 counts of reckless driving. Adjudication was withheld. He will have 150 hours of community service working at a free clinic, and a year of probation. That resolves the criminal case. He would never have gone to trial on the Vehicular Homicide charge, it would have been lessened to what he pled to, and he probably would have had adjudication withheld then too. It just would have taken longer and they would have dragged Kierra through the mud numerous times and made our lives hell in the meantime. We had to agree to the plea. The specifics weren't up to us, and it was an all or nothing situation. So we had to decide what was best for us and for the kids. There will never be closure, but at some point we need to be rid of this albatross and move forward however possible. I guess today was a start. The civil settlement still has to be resolved, hopefully this week.

Brian & I feel we chose the lesser of two evils. If it was just us to worry about, I would have pushed it to the max, no matter what they said or did. But we have not just Tristan & Alexa, but Brianne, Chad, & Hunter to think of as well. We all have to live here, and find whatever state of normal we can to keep going. The deciding factor was when the state attorney and our attorney went over the options with us and we realized the outcome would likely be the same, it would just prolong our pain and grief being public fodder. We are not "happy" with the decision. It was not what we wanted. It was what we agreed to because we feel it is the best disposition we could get considering all the factors involved. It sucks, no matter how you slice it. There just aren't any road rage laws in Florida. No law is specific enough for this to have come out any different. I hope Citizens Against Road Rage can help change that.

We declined comment to the Media after the court hearing. They have respected our wishes to be left alone for now. Our attorney warned us it is not over, and they will say plenty of things that we probably won't like because it was a plea bargain. They don't have to live our lives, so I can't worry about what they think. I know every one has opinions. I have some myself. In an ideal world it would be very different indeed. But reality bites and we have to deal with the here and now. As well as the future. We have to be able to explain to Tristan & Alexa what happened to their Mother, and why we made the choices we made. They matter, what they will think matters, that is what is important to us right now. Our attorney told us, despite the technicality, guilty is guilty, at least we have that. For me it is not worth the paper it will be printed on. It is a meaningless plea. He never has, and never will, feel truly guilty for what he did. Nothing will change that, just as nothing will bring my child back to me. No conviction would bring her back, so does it really matter? There is a means to the end, and I have to focus on the kids and my family. And hope Kierra understands and knows we are doing what we feel we have to do, for her, and for her children..