Growing & Knowing..

They are too smart and growing up too fast! Alexa caught me with tears in my eyes and asked why I was crying. I told her I was sad. That didn't satisfy her. She wanted to know why I was sad. I tried to change the subject. She took hold of my face with her tiny hands and looked straight into my eyes. "Tell me why you sad?.. right now!" (I wonder where she gets that determination from??) I told her I was sad because I missed Mommy-Kierra. (That is what we call her with the twins so they will have that connection with her. They get upset and confused when I say she is their Mommy because they don't understand. For the same reason they call Alex "Daddy-Alex", so they will have that connection and know there is a difference. Until they are old enough to understand.) She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the fireplace mantel and pointed to the picture we have there of Kierra with Alexa. "You no miss her.. she right there!" And to Alexa that makes perfect sense. She only remembers her from pictures. She does not know her any other way. I have worked very hard to keep my tears from them. But every once in a while it happens, and they are not as easy to distract as they used to be, especially Alexa. She sees more and is more perceptive than Tristan. But don't let him fool you. He is just as quick to catch things you say or do that you may think he missed. He has also become quite the mimic lately. He noticed the exchange between Alexa & I. He watched from a distance, playing with his cars, and when Alexa & I returned to the living room he climbed on my lap and offered me his favorite car to play with. Already dealing with his emotions in an indirect way.. already a little man. They are almost 4 years old. How can that be?
I wonder at fate sometimes. That I was there while their mother carried them. That I was there for all the Dr. appointments and ultrasounds. That I know her cravings and all the funny things she said & did. That I was there as they entered the world so that I can share with them the miracle of that moment. That I was there as she talked about her hopes and dreams for them. I would trade being there then with her being here now, but since I can't, I will tell them for her. I will share her with them in so many ways no one else can. They will know more than in pictures, they will know so much more..