Of course I am different, changed..

I have been told that I have changed, that I am different. How does someone go through something so major, so tragic and not change? And how have I changed, specifically? I feel different, but can't pin point the exact changes. Raising the twins has changed my life, but how has it changed me? I am busier, I am less organized, but I am still me. I don't always feel like I know myself anymore. I don't know who I am supposed to be, or how to live this life. I have tried to keep the relationships I had before. I feel like some people have distanced themselves, or is it me who has pulled away? I have been bothered by some people thinking Kierra's death gave them a clean slate, as if transgressions were forgotten, or forgiven because she died. I am not, nor have I been, a forgiving person. If I was mad at you before, chances are, I am still mad at you. I have never been a patient person. I am still not a patient person. I love who I love and care deeply for those I care deeply for. If my changes are hard for people to accept, trust me, my life is hard to accept every moment of every day.