Coincidence or Communication?

I am a yo-yo. Now quit laughing... what I mean by that is.. I keep bouncing back and forth on what I believe. Hunter will ask me if things are real.. Santa, God, heaven.. I tell him some people believe in them and some people don't. I tell him if he believes in it, then for him it is real. There are times I believe that certain things are "signs" from Kierra, or others who have died. Then there are times I am not so sure. Are songs on the radio just songs on the radio? The day Kierra died Mada's song came on several times.. I would change the station, and it would come on that station, so I changed it again, and the song came on again. Lisa and I even talked about it when it happened. Coincidence, or Communication?
I sometimes think I "feel" Kierra with me. Is it real, or wishful thinking? We have had baby dragonflies at the new house, I have never seen babies before. It made me think of her. But then again, alot of things make me think of her. The wind blew through the trees this morning while I was riding my horse through the woods. It made me cry. Just for a second it sounded like a whisper, I closed my eyes and her face was so clear in my mind. She smiled and I could almost feel her cheek against mine. It was so sudden and unexpected it caught me by suprise. Is my grief so strong that my mind plays tricks on me? Or do I believe she was really there, in that moment? These questions don't really require answers. They are just the rambling of my thoughts. Is my need to believe so strong that my mind provides those moments to convince me? It is better to believe the uncertain, than to accept the certainty that she is gone, will never again be with me, and there is nothing more to it than that.
I am not sure of anything. I do not know what my mind is going to do at any given time. That uncertainty, that loss of control is not a comfortable feeling. There have been times before Kierra's death that I was sure I had signs from people I loved who had died. So why am I not so sure now? I think I am so eager to regain some type of normalcy, some type of control that I need "real", I need certainty. But I want that possibility, I want those moments. Yet I want to know I haven't lost my mind, that I haven't let my grief take over. How do I know the difference?