I know how..

How do you get that lonely, how do you hurt that bad
To make you make the call, that havin' no life at all
Is better than the life that you had
How do you feel so empty, you want to let it all go
How do you get that lonely... and nobody know

Those are some of the lyrics to a song by Blaine Larson (country). I have heard it alot lately when I am swapping around stations in the car. Today (actually Tues) a 39 year old JSO officer shot himself while on duty. He was on the force 3 years. He left behind a wife, and his daughters, ages 2 & 5. He wasn't under investigation for anything, and no one seems to know why he did it. Then my Mom calls to tell me that my step-sister's 21 year old son killed himself Monday night.
Other than the connection to my Dad, I didn't know him. Other than the connection to Brian's job, I didn't know the officer either. I will be honest, when I first heard that song, my first reaction was "I know how you can feel that way...", "I know why people choose suicide..". But I also know why some (I) choose no to do it. I can't be that selfish. Brian & I talked about it and he said the same thing. To feel the grief we feel from Kierra's death, and know we would be creating that pain for those we love and care about keeps us here. It doesn't keep us from walking to the edge, but from taking the leap. It's a dangerous place to be. I am so sorry for this man & this boy who could not step back and not follow the urge to end their lives, and I am beyond sorry for the families they left behind to grieve for them.