Somewhere..

I didn't think I was a pessimist before Kierra's death, but maybe I was. Maybe I always have been, but it is more obvious to me now. I really try not to dwell on her death. But I have the media, and lawyers to remind me just how screwed up this world can be. And that makes our loss so much more "in our face". Of course, it is always there, but there are different levels. It is very hard to function on the "in your face" level. I manage to dim my grief somewhat to handle the necessary tasks required to get through the average day. Dealing with the media, attorneys, and all the emotions stirred up by them, truly drains the emotional life right out of me. I try to find the good in each day, I try to enjoy the kids and the positive energy they ooze from their pores. Brian & I are taking a much needed, much deserved break next week. I am hoping it helps recharge me. I hate to bring everyone down around me. I wonder if the day will ever come that I am able to see more light than dark. Actually to feel there is something to look forward to, rather than always looking back. I know it is out there, somewhere.. beneath the pale moonlight..