Chunky Monkey..

I was walking throught the grocery store.. an ordinary task, on an ordinary day. I passed the ice cream section and noticed Ben & Jerry's on the shelf. I remembered when we lived in upstate New York, and we visited Rutland Vermont just accross Lake Champlain when Kierra was about 6 years old. Brian took her skiing on the kiddie slopes. Brianne was 3, Chad was about a year old, so the younger ones & I went to the Ben & Jerry's factory for a tour & some ice cream. Kierra had a purple snow suit, (of course it was purple!). She felt so grown up getting to go with Daddy all by herself while the babies stayed with me.

At the Air Force base where we lived you could order Ben & Jerry's ice cream when you ordered a pizza to be delivered. That was more important to the kids than the pizza!

So... while standing in the grocery store I had a major panic attack. For the flash of an instant I forgot Kierra's favorite flavor of Ben & Jerry's. It wasn't rational, but I freaked out. I thought .. how could I forget!? How was I going to remember her life enough for her children to know her if I forgot!? What else would slip away from my mind without warning? How would I ever remember all the things that she was, all that she did? I could no more stop that flow of panic than I could stop breathing. I stood there trying to control my emotions. Trying to calm my fears. I just wanted to scream & run. But I didn't, I stood there and made myself focus on Kierra's 6 year old face and it came to me....Kierra's favorite Ben & Jerry's flavor was... Chunky Monkey.