Thrive: to grow vigorously:flourish

It has been such a crazy week. I have been running around with appointments and errands every day! I seem to be doing alot, yet nothing gets done. I fall asleep on the couch most nights and never make it to my PC or get to the calls I want to make before it gets too late at night. I know people think I am the Queen of Chaos, but I am willing to give up my title!
I fell asleep on the couch about 10 pm last night. I woke up when Brian got home sometime around 11 pm. We went to bed about 1 am. Hunter woke up with a bad dream at 1:35 just as we were settling down to sleep. It took Brian & I both tucking him back in at different times to get him settled again. Alexa climbed into our bed about 3 am. At 3:50 am she woke me up as she started throwing up. I sacrificed a nearby shirt to save my bed and floor. I got her to the bathroom for the rest of it, got her all cleaned up and changed and back into bed just after 4 am. at 4:15 she did it all again, including another clean pair of pajamas. So we went out to the couch to sleep at about 4:30 am. Tristan woke me at 5:30 am and refused to let me sleep. He didn't really want anything, just didn't want to be awake by himself. When I tried to get Hunter up he complained he was too tired for school, but didn't want to miss the Dr. Seuss Celebration that Brian is taking him to at school tonight. No school, no Dr. Seuss. He got there late, but he got there.
I am trying to make Chili, Ghoulash, and bread for a teacher Luncheon at school tomorrow. Great start.. I burned the beans! I had plenty of water to begin with, but it burned up before I realized there was a problem. So I am off to the store and get to start over. Before I started cooking I had to figure out how to get a backsplash panel from behind my stove. I had temporarily stuck it to the wall to see if I liked it. It fell behind the stove! Luckily I could remove the drawer of my range and reached it that way. (There is a pic of it in the photo gallery, click on any pic on my blog and it will take you there.) Just another day for us, but boy am I tired! And my day isn't even halfway over. It has been said that I thrive on Chaos... I don't see how when today I feel like I am barely surviving!

Hunter's Shadow

Feb. 2008 Hunter's Shadow
Originally uploaded by mommanana

One of the class Mom's did these for all the kid's for a display they did for President's Day. I am going to have to frame it. I am amazed how much it really looks like him! I have one from when I was a young child. I wonder if it looks like me? I wonder what he will look like when he is all grown up? I wonder what he will be, what he will do? I wonder...

Seriously?

Terry, Dori, Brenda & I went up to the ranch this past weekend for a 4 day get away. It was a pretty good weekend. I hope everyone found some points of interest they enjoyed other than when alcohol was involved! Some words and phrases have been known to trigger uninhibited laughter;

Moots & Schwim Flugles

Deposit Boxes

Wicked Funny

Seriously?

Seriously

TRIS TAN

I have been a bit obsessed with getting Tristan potty trained. We have big discussions about being a big boy, using the toilet like everyone else, etc. The other day was no exception and I was even more zealous in my attempts because Tristan had once again pooped in his pull-up. I had him get the wipes and a clean pull-up and proceeded to tell him again how, when, & where he should poop. He turned to me just as calm and clear as could be.... "Mom, you worry way too much about my poop!"
I have used the phrase to all of them "You worry way too much about ___ (each other, etc.)" It was quite the twist to have it thrown back at me about his bodily functions! In the midst of this exchange Alexa piped in with "Nasty Baby Boy" because Tristan had pooped in his pants. I have told him it is nasty to do that and I have told him babies do that. Alexa decided to make a combo out of it all and tossed it in for good measure! He got so mad. He told her "I am not Nasty Baby Boy.. I am TRIS TAN!" And now you can't call him sweetie, big boy, sugar, or anything other than his name. If you do, you get the same response.. I am TRIS TAN.. all drawn out and loud.
We do tend to take a stand around here and stick to our guns on things.. I guess it is just his turn!

Valentine's Day..

as one of Brianne's friends call it.. Single's Awareness Day! I wish so much pressure/emphasis wasn't put into this one day. The stores are crazy and the restaurants are overbooked. It is such a huge Taboo for a person not to acknowledge this day with their significant other. People's feelings get really hurt when they are overlooked. But why just today? Is it okay to be overlooked the rest of the year? Or do we hold out hope that this one day will be important enough for us to be shown how much we are loved. Sure.. material things don't matter.. it's the thought that counts.. yeah right. I am fortunate that Brian thought of me, he even got cards for the kids to give me. He took today off. (That is HUGE!) We ran errands and had an okay, quick lunch at a local eatery. We tried to get into Olive Garden for lunch.. it was a madhouse. We remembered a Valentine's Day when we went out to dinner with friends. We spent 4 hours at Red Lobster and the meal was awful! We don't have that kind of time to waste anymore. So we are home with the kids. No big bucks spent, no pressure to do something spectacular, we've done all that before. We enjoyed spending time together today even if it was just another day in our busy lives. Doing the things we needed to get done. After 25 years I guess it is about time we are comfortable enough with each other that the cards mean alot, but the gift of time means more. I hope you all had a good one in whatever way you celebrated it, if you were able to celebrate it at all.

Men are From Mars...

their own special planet... with their own special language... I've never been there... and I don't speak their language!

And that is all I am going to say about that!

Let them eat cake!

Let them eat cake!
Originally uploaded by mommanana

We took them to Dave & Buster's after pictures on their actual birthday, then last Saturday we had their party at Ollie Koala's. Click on the pic to view more photos in the gallery. They had a blast. The only casualty was Alexa's crown hair clips. They disappeared in the giant play house area. No telling where they ended up or who took them home. She told me I would have to get her more.

There's always more isn't there??

The parts that make a whole..

I have mentioned before how diverse and extended our family is. It has always been that way. No matter how you slice it, there are different parts that make a whole. If you remove a part, the whole is not the same. We are who we are because of who conceived us, even if they didn't raise us. I am proof of that. Kierra was too. And as history repeats itself, so will the twins be whoever they are meant to be. That isn't a negative thing. There have been many times throughout Kierra's life I tried to dismiss who her biological father was. I had very good reasons for that. My mother's reasons for keeping me from my biological father weren't so good. I have had issues with the twin's father in the past. But he is an integral part of who they are. He is as much a part of them as Kierra was. They lived the first half of their lives not knowing him. Now they spend their lives not remembering Kierra. I have to make choices for them based on what I believe to be best for them. I have to seperate my feelings at times from what I feel is good for them. We all have the ability to grow and change. I do not know what tomorrow will bring. I have learned the hard way that life can change in the flash of a second, beyond our control. I watched Alex & his Dad with the kids this weekend. I thought of the picture we must have made all together with them at the zoo on Sunday. And I realized it was a picture of a family trying to make a whole with an important part missing. A picture of a family, diverse and different. All of us trying to find our place in the picture. Knowing it takes many parts to make a whole...

Feb 9 2008

Feb 9 2008
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Isn't this the coolest pic?! That is Alex's leg they are hanging on. He & his Dad came down for the twin's birthday party. They are such happy kids!

Feb 4 2008 All Three

Feb 4 2008 All Three
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Okay, the scanner is up & working. (Thank You Hubby!) I have posted the better pix, so enjoy!

Pictures of Pictures

Feb 4 2008 all
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Click on this photo and see the most recent pix we had done on the twin's birthday, Monday. These are pix of pix because my scanner isn't cooperating. I will post better pix later that you can save and print.
Just couldn't wait to share them!

Hate Being the Bad Guy!

All three kids had Dr. appts today for their yearly check-ups. The Pediatrician they have always had recently moved offices and is just a few miles up the road from us now. I did not realize Tristan & Alexa would be due for shots. Four of them! So needless to say, we tried to seperate them and reduce the amount of drama, but they have very keen ears. Tristan went first and was mad, and cried a little. Alexa saw the needles and the screaming began before the first one! She is our little Drama Diva. She cried longer and harder, and she wanted her Papa RIGHT NOW. We called him when we were all done and she immediately got all pouty and told him all about it. Tristan told him "I got shots and I got a lollipop." No drama, no pouty whine. It has been a couple hours now and she is still throwing me dirty looks. Oh well, I am used to it!

Chaser 8.10.95-2.5.08

Chaser June 2007
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Chaser had heart failure or some type of stroke today. Brianne called me from the Vet. Doing the right thing is so often the hardest thing to do. He will be greatly missed.
We got Chaser when I worked for a Veterinarian when we first moved to Jacksonville. He started out as a bet that you couldn't raise a good dog from bad breeding. I obviously won the bet, because although Chaser's parent's were mean, unsociable chows, he was a sweetheart. He was great with the kids too. He moved out with Brianne just before she got married. Today was a very hard day for her & Justin. For us too. Many people don't consider their pets part of the family. Ours are. I told Hunter.. Chaser is running around with Sasha & Ami and still trying to catch Cadbury!

Feb 3 2008 Alexa

Feb 3 2008 Alexa
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Just a quick preview of her outfit for their birthday pictures tomorrow. We were trying to decide on white tights or blue.. I am still undecided. I think the blue looks better.. but they are just a shade off which drives me crazy!

Tristan

Tristan
Originally uploaded by mommanana

This is Tristan straightening his gear for the umpteenth time. It has come in quite handy with his scooter.. he falls alot! He tries to go too fast and takes the turns way too sharp. I have flashbacks of driving with his Mother!

Anise in the sandbox!

Anise in the sandbox!
Originally uploaded by mommanana

Okay, we did the whole sandbox thing for Hunter's birthday and thought the kids would enjoy it so we left it set up. Anise is our "special" dog. She had spinal menengitis when she was about 6 months old, so she will always be the size and mental state of a 6 month old dog. Which means she will always chew and get into things! She is 6 years old now.
The top got left off the sandbox so she took full advantage of digging around and sampling any plastic toys they left inside. She now checks it out everytime she goes outside. The kids think it is cute.. I honestly do too until she tracks the sand inside!

The sound of his voice..

How strange it is for me to be a parent, a grandparent, yet still feel like such a child when I talk to my Dad. There is something about his voice. We talked for close to an hour on the phone last week. What makes that a big deal is that my Dad doesn't usually like to talk on the phone. We were talking about trips out west he took with my Mom and about making copies of the video they took. So it wasn't really a "serious" conversation. The timber of his words reminded me of when I was a child and he would try to teach me about something, explaining it in detail so I would understand. It was just the sound of his voice.

One of the first times I ever heard him say the words "I Love You" to me was on the phone. I was in England January 1991, Brian had just left in the middle of the night and was headed for Saudi Arabia for the Gulf War. I was in a foreign country by myself with my children and I was scared and alone. I called my Mom & Dad. As we were saying our goodbyes I said my usual I love you, his usual reply my whole life was "me too". This time he said "I Love You Too". I was speechless and tears sprang to my eyes. My fear was forgotten in that precious moment. It was just the sound of his voice.

His voice was barely audible when I first saw him after Kierra's death. He held me so tight as I heard his voice in my ear saying "I Love You". I couldn't even speak. My Mother had so wanted to be the one to comfort me while I cried and I couldn't do it. I couldn't release that part of myself for her. I didn't intend to release that part of myself for anyone. But as my Dad held me and said those words in my ear I could not hold it back. It was just the sound of his voice.

So never underestimate what it means for someone to hear.. the sound of your voice.

Talking up a storm..

Tristan & Alexa had speech evaluations today and Tristan no longer needs speech therapy! He tested at the 4- 4 1/2 year old range. He just has to be reminded to slow down sometimes when he talks. Alexa still needs therapy, she tested at about the 3 year old level. Her former speech therapist said it may be an ongoing issue with her, so we shall see. So even though Tristan doesn't need to go anymore, we still have Alexa's appointments twice a week. They both are making progress, Tristan has been in speech therapy a year longer than Alexa because initially she talked more than he did and did the talking for him. I am sure with a little more time she will catch up too. They have come a long way from talking their own gibberish to each other and no one could understand anything they said!

Growing & Knowing..

They are too smart and growing up too fast! Alexa caught me with tears in my eyes and asked why I was crying. I told her I was sad. That didn't satisfy her. She wanted to know why I was sad. I tried to change the subject. She took hold of my face with her tiny hands and looked straight into my eyes. "Tell me why you sad?.. right now!" (I wonder where she gets that determination from??) I told her I was sad because I missed Mommy-Kierra. (That is what we call her with the twins so they will have that connection with her. They get upset and confused when I say she is their Mommy because they don't understand. For the same reason they call Alex "Daddy-Alex", so they will have that connection and know there is a difference. Until they are old enough to understand.) She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the fireplace mantel and pointed to the picture we have there of Kierra with Alexa. "You no miss her.. she right there!" And to Alexa that makes perfect sense. She only remembers her from pictures. She does not know her any other way. I have worked very hard to keep my tears from them. But every once in a while it happens, and they are not as easy to distract as they used to be, especially Alexa. She sees more and is more perceptive than Tristan. But don't let him fool you. He is just as quick to catch things you say or do that you may think he missed. He has also become quite the mimic lately. He noticed the exchange between Alexa & I. He watched from a distance, playing with his cars, and when Alexa & I returned to the living room he climbed on my lap and offered me his favorite car to play with. Already dealing with his emotions in an indirect way.. already a little man. They are almost 4 years old. How can that be?
I wonder at fate sometimes. That I was there while their mother carried them. That I was there for all the Dr. appointments and ultrasounds. That I know her cravings and all the funny things she said & did. That I was there as they entered the world so that I can share with them the miracle of that moment. That I was there as she talked about her hopes and dreams for them. I would trade being there then with her being here now, but since I can't, I will tell them for her. I will share her with them in so many ways no one else can. They will know more than in pictures, they will know so much more..

Aqua Aerobics..I feel like Garfield!

My sister & I have recently started Aqua Cardio Classes at the YMCA. It is a much harder workout than I thought it would be! We have even signed up for a Zumba class!