Give thanks..

I didn't decorate the house for Halloween or Thanksgiving this year. My mantle remains the same as all the other days. I am trying to clear the den/man cave to set up the Christmas tree in there eventually. That way it can be protected from kids & dogs when needed. We have a big floor to ceiling tree so the lower branches are subject to getting knocked around by passersby of all species.
This tends to be my season of discontent no matter how I try to force myself to be bright & cheery. Good thing everyone knows me & loves me anyway! There isn't anything anyone can say or do to make it better. It just takes time.. time to cry, time to heal, time to be. People say it gets easier, that someday we'll pass through the darkness & the tears & step out into the sunshine again. At peace with our memories & ourselves.. and it's true.. some days we do. No one can do that for us, we have to know in our hearts that it is ok to laugh again, and slowly but surely we are getting there. Five years might seem like a long time to grieve for some, but for us, it is but a moment in time that has passed.. Kierra was just here, just a teenager, just a little girl, just a baby in my arms.
Today I have been in the kitchen cooking. Not even the traditional Thanksgiving fare, but cooking. I used to call my grandmother alot when I was cooking & had a question. I used to call her just to hear her voice when I was cooking & the familiar smells took me back to her kitchen, her hugs, her love. It isn't just Kierra I miss, especially on days like today. It is supposed to be a time of family, friends, sharing.. making new memories. That is what we try to do. It can be so hard sometimes, but we keep taking each step, one at a time.
We watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade this morning with the kiddos. They weren't all that interested. It held more childhood memories for Brian & I than it ever will for them. It is a different time, a different age for these little ones. I have many memories of my older children & many Thanksgivings with friends & family. I hold them all close to my heart.
Today may not be what it used to be for us. It may not be more than an ordinary day. But we are here, with each other, which is alot to be thankful for. Hug those around you & make the most of what you have. Give thanks for that and so much more...