I thought my grief over Kierra had given me an understanding of death, of loss. I have lost loved ones before, but nothing compares to what her death has done to me. I have been watching what my sister has been going through with her husband & I am not so sure I could handle it. The "knowing" would drive me crazy, as I am sure it is with her.
Randy has had time to see his brothers, sisters, children, friends, & most of his grandchildren. It has given him an opportunity to say things he wanted to say to those he loves.
Yet even with all that, the moment of his death will be just as devestating to those who love him as Kierra's death was to us. No matter how much you think you can "prepare" for death, nothing can prepare you for that moment, no matter how or when it happens.
I tend to be a "fixer". I do what I can to help the ones I love, to fix whatever makes them unhappy. I can't fix this. There is nothing I can do to make it better, easier. That makes dealing with it all the more difficult. I can & I will, but I can't turn off the need to help, to fix it.
2 comments:
Aunt M.J.,
Your love of lifting the spirits of the ones you love is not a bad thing, in fact it is lovely. But, you are human and cannot fix it all and will ultimately fail at fixing (we just are not perfect). Celebrate the fact that it is not up to you, and that it is up to someone much more powerful than you to heal the wounds of death.
Death is never easy, I have experienced much of it myself, but it always reminds me that I have something higher to hope in which brings me life, and the ability to celebrate the life of those I have lost.
Your family will make it through...and so will you. My prayers are with you always.
We can only prepare so much; then it becomes a leap of faith falling like a feather into the bed of grief. My heart is with all of you.
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