Selfish Pleasures..

I have had quite a week. What hits me is that it wasn't really out of the ordinary, just crazy, chaotic, same stuff, different day. I did get to go Kayaking with Terri early Saturday morning. It felt good to get out on the water again. We joined a Jacksonville women Kayaker's group and they are always planning paddles both local and around the state. They have one coming up in North Georgia the beginning of November that sounds like fun. It isn't quite as therapeutic as horse back riding, but close. You are out in nature, no phones, no people other than whoever you are paddling with. It is exercise, but relaxing at the same time. One of my selfish pleasures..
I put myself on a see-saw about being a selfish person, yet I don't think I live a selfish life. I want what I want, but I try to give back and do for others too. I asked a friend about it and she said I go from one extreme to the other. I doubt I will ever understand my own psyche, and I am not sure which comes first.. the things I do for the kids, school, different groups, friends, family, etc. or the things I do for myself.. the horses and, now again, kayaking. I run myself to a frazzle, rejuice my psyche for a weekend, then jump right back in. Or I indulge in my pleasures, then run myself to death to rid my guilt.. use the weekend rejuicers, then do it all again.. hmmm, perhaps a bit of both? I don't even know if it matters.. just one more thing on my mind in the middle of the night!